Suzanna Danna: Ow. Could you just stop it please?
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: I told you once, and Ill tell you again Dont mess with me, I will make your life hell! Hell I say!
Suzanna Danna: Ive already entered the seventh ring of hell thanks to you.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: Look, if youd just do as I say nobody gets hurt.
Suzanna Danna: I already went on a mini shopping spree for you yesterday. You wanted the cute knit pantsuit that looked comfy and warm.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: Yeah, but you were all Fine. about the whole thing. Couldnt you just say something nice and be happy about it for once?
Suzanna Danna: I was nice! We even had a hot pocket for breakfast yesterday. I thought you would be happy about that!
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: I wanted Dove chocolate and beer.
Suzanna Danna: You messed up my panties.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: You wouldnt give me the chocolate and beer.
Suzanna Danna: For breakfast?
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: You also ate some healthy salmon shit for lunch when I specifically asked for pasta. Lots of pasta!
Suzanna Danna: But I am trying to be healthy.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: Ill be nice if you just get some of that berry colored lip gloss from that lady in finance who moonlights for Mary Kay.
Suzanna Danna: I spent my allowance on the cute knit pantsuit that looked comfy and warm yesterday for you because you were screaming for drawstring pants and elastic waistbands. Sheesh.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: How about some pizza from Mamas down off of Parker?
Suzanna Danna: That stuff goes straight to my belly and I dont need the heartburn thankyouverymuch. The last time I got that pizza for you we ate one piece then had to spend the rest of the evening in the restroom. No, thank you.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: It wasnt MY fault.
Suzanna Danna: Of course it was. You are just being difficult.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: Heh. Sounds familiar doesnt it?
Suzanna Danna: Oh quit it. Stop acting like you are in some sort of alliance with Mister and my mother. I can change my mind sometimes.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: You change your mind all the time. If you would just settle down and and .
Suzanna Danna: And what? Please dont start in on me now. I didnt sleep very well last night. Im tired and a little vulnerable.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: If youd just settle down and have a baby.
Suzanna Danna: No. Not right now. Mister and I have a plan. And you are just going to have to wait.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: Come ON. Just one? A little one? With sprinkles?
Suzanna Danna:Sprinkles?
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: Uh yeah, be a dear and fetch me a Krispy Kreme donut with sprinkles would you?
Suzanna Danna: [shaking head] I swear, I am the only woman on the planet with a passive aggressive uterus with ADD.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: You asked for it.
Suzanna Danna: Ow! Meanie! Quit.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: How do you like them apples huh?
Suzanna Danna: If you ruin this new pantsuit I am going to seriously think about putting you into a permanent time out.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: Oh, you wont do anything of the sort. Weve been buddies pals for nigh on 20 years you love me. I let you get your ears pierced when you were thirteen, right?
Suzanna Danna: Yeah. Yeah, you did.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: By the way. What was up with you getting your upper ear cartilage pieced over last Thanksgiving?
Suzanna Danna: I am under the impression that Im not nineteen anymore. I guess I did it because I could.
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: Smart. Real smart. [pause] Hey, wheres my donut?
Suzanna Danna: How about some almonds or a Dr. Pepper?
Suzanna Dannas Uterus: We could really use a new pair of shoes yanno
Props to classic Weetabix for the whole talking uterus idea.