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October 2004 Archives

October 7, 2004

"Hello, My name is Elvira. I am snazzy and also? I will cut you."

I know, poppets, I know... it has been almost 20 days since my last confession entry and I am a bad journaller. A bad, dirty journaller. What are you ever to do with me?

Enroll me in an English class to learn proper grammar?

No!

What fun would that be? I ask you?

Because then I may get all pouty and even when I am busier than Michael Jackson at a JC Penney's Juniors Sale (All boys clothes, half off! Hee! Tis a [dirty] old[e] joke and I don't care!) I will not come back and in the midst of all of my planning meetings and conferences and baby showers and anniversary trips and show you pretty and scary pictures for your pleasure? That would be a travesty no? No.

Wait! Yes! Yes, it would be a travesty. I have just forgotten how to write coherent sentences.

Turn away from the rambling.

Look, look over here... shiny.

New, pretty.


"Hello, My name is Elvira. Mister purchased me for Suzanna Danna because she is hot. I am snazzy and also... I will cut you. Give me your money.

Yes, ladies... and ladies (the gentlemen do not give a shit) this is the precious. She is a Coach. I have lusted and dreamed and my husband. Yes, he is the laid. She is black and quite plain, I wanted something to go with everything. And she does, she's my first. My Coach cherry.

But... I also got a little cosmetics bag to go inside Elvira. Her name is Florida Evans.

I am completely insane.

In the past several weeks I have slept in like eleventy hotel beds. I have been in Irving, TX, Houston, TX, San Antonio, TX (twice) and several hotels here in Dallas... why? Because... I told you, I am insane.

The last room I was in? Totally blinded me.

Here, I'll share.

My eye!

Anyway.

Let me tell you a little bit about my other travels.

Mister and I embarked on our anniversary trip over the 23rd through the 27th. We went to San Antonio, TX and had a BALL. We drove down the afternoon of that Thursday and got to our hotel and Mister had our itinerary all planned out.

It was so cute.

Friday we woke up and headed over to the Natural Bridge Caverns. I hiked my Rubenesque ass down 180 feet into the earth. It was 72 degrees with 123908251984235194% humidity. I was sweating like a mule.

Sexy.

We went a half a mile in or something and the sights are incredible. If you guys ever get a chance to go. Go. Really.

Saturday we woke up early and went over to Sea World. Mister had planned this behind the scenes four-hour tour thing. We met up with our tour captain (I'll call her Gilligan... even though this tour was longer than three hours), and she took us immediately to feed the sea lions and the seals.

After shoveling dead herrings into the gullets of loud sea mammals we went to this show called "Tools for Fools", cute really.

I caught myself yelling, "Otter! Otter! Otter! Otter! Otter! Otter! Otter!" and pointing at the little scurrying otters along with the rest of the four year olds... er I mean, the rest of the perfectly behaved adults.

I also got to feed some nectar to some gorgeous Lorikeets inside their habitat. I don't know what it is about birds. They sort of freak me right the fuck out. I would like to think that I am all cool and not in the least bit judgmental towards those of the feathered persuasion. But, um. Skeeved should about cover it. They are soooo sooo pretty, really, but just stay over there with your dandruffy feathers and shit that can get up my nose and ultimately into my brain ok mister mite taxi? OK.

Movin forward.

Oh, note to Mister: Sorry that I have that expression on my face in the 1001 pictures you took of me in the Lorikeet exhibit. See above, Thank you. PS, love you.

After the Lorikeets and the "Tools for Fools" thingy...

Oh man...

::Sigh::

This.

Please disregard that chick with the big blonde head. She wouldn't shut the hell up the whole frikkin time during the tour, we DON'T care who your friend is or why you two are here and please, please smoke over there or I will be sucking the smoke out of your lungs, thank you.

And yes, I did cry, that orca is Gi.Norma.Huge! And the trainer had Josh Groban playing and asked us all to "shhhhhhh" then he had the orca sing... Oh I fuckin LOST it.

We got to go behind the scenes. I got to go back to where they have all seven Se.VEN. of the orcas in their pool for training.

Oh, and then?.... Then I fed a dolphin. And petted him.

A lot.

It was gorgeous.

Did I tell you guys that I wanted to go into marine biology when I was younger? No?

Well, now you know. So, yeah, this trip rocked for me. My husband rocks.

Thank you for playing.

I'll be back later with more... I have planning meetings... two with in the next three days.

Oh, and someone used my credit card to spend $334 dollars at a Hispanic super market. Three Hundred and Thirty Four Dollars. Doll. ARS.

Fuckers.

Kill me. Or, pray for me.

Thanks for being patient.

October 13, 2004

Nothing will make my gorge rise faster than something furry in the fridge.

This week I feel like a part of me is missing. Mister is out of town for roughly eleventy days and I am a bit out of sorts. Normally I am the one out of town. I get to call him in the midst of my 90-to-nothin day and report on the latest drama, he promptly tells me how his day is going, how our furry one (Maxxie) is doing and how much he misses me, I hang up, go about my day and then call him after dinner and wind down with our normal highs and lows talk about each of our days, ending up always with, “I love you, you so very, very much. I hope you sleep well, have sweet dreams and know that I miss you and will be thinking about you, good night.”


This time, he is a thousand miles away and I am the one at home.

The house seems so large without him in it.

I keep checking the various doors more times than warranted. I keep checking the windows even though they are double paned and we’ve never even opened them. I make sure the phones are all on their respective chargers, the candles are all out, even if they haven’t been lit that evening, and that my cell phone is within arms length… or at least by the stairs so I won’t forget it the next morning.


I set two alarms and I only turn on the one baby fan as opposed to the noise maker, the ceiling fan and the baby fan. I want to be able to hear if something is… amiss. How dramatic does that sound? Sheesh.

I even call for the cat to come and sleep next to the bed. Like he could protect me from anything. He gets upset if there are people mowing our lawn for goodness sake.


What’s he going to do? Go hide under Mister’s chair in his office?


Lots of good that would do me.


Thanks cat.


It’s funny how much I have come to rely on this man.


I moved out of my parent’s house and into the dorm at college when I was barely eighteen years old. I went home for the two months of summers between my freshmen and sophomore year and between my sophomore and junior year, but by the time I was nineteen, I was on my own. I had my own apartment. And for the most part, in Nacogdoches, I never locked the doors to my apartment.


I never locked the doors, hell, I never even had a key to the house when I was married to X. But when you are that far off of a paved road (NOTE: please direct your redneck jokes to the email address at the top of the diary or at the comments section or in the guestbook below) you don’t need to lock your doors.


We just left the keys in the vehicles while they were in the driveway (or what roughly constituted a driveway) and left the doors unlocked.


The only time I know that that house was ever locked was when X and I went to Jackson Hole, WY for a week and my ex-monster-in-law locked us out of our own house.


Sweet.


So when I moved back to Dallas, I had to get the whole locking your car and apartment doors thing down pat again. It was almost worthy of a post-it note in my vehicle. Well, not almost, I actually left myself post-its to remind myself to lock my doors.


I still slip up sometimes.


Do you guys remember a year or more ago when I was still working for hand boss and I left the door to the office open? Yeah, I relapsed into the, “I have my arms full of things, let me get to my car and totally forget to lock the office. Oh shit.” I didn’t even realize it. The “Oh Shit.” part didn’t even come until that evening or the morning after when Co-worker C happened to swing by the office that evening to get something and she noticed the door was unlocked.


Now I work in a place that I have no office-locking responsibilities and Mister takes care of putting the house to bed every night.

Monday night was the first time I have had to put the house to bed by myself. I must have checked each door four or five times. I kept second-guessing myself.


Do the deadbolts point up when they are locked… or sideways? Let’s check them again. What about the bottom locks? What about this do-hickey?


::Eye Roll::


I know I am safe in our house, don’t get me wrong, but for someone who reads a lot of true crime, sci-fi, horror and the like… it is very easy for my mind to run away with me.
And run it does. Like a friggin deer in the forest.


I get sqicked out about things sometimes (mostly food issues) and Mister will say to me, “Get a hold of your mind. Control it.” And I will make myself not dry heave or gag. Say, for instance, if I’m cleaning out some science fair project from the refrigerator.

Nothing will make my gorge rise faster than something furry in the fridge. That’s why I rarely buy strawberries.


Anyway… back on track…


I’ve been trying to force myself not to let my mind run away with me while I am alone this week. ‘Control it’, if you will.


Monday evening my girlfriend Amy and her friend Brandy (we took the cutest self portrait) came over for a bit of girl time. We sat around the table for the most part of the evening and talked and gabbed about everything.


I have known Amy since God was in short pants and have known of Brandy as well, but that was back during my IRC days. I haven’t been ‘in channel’ in over two years so I have been out of the loop for ages. Amy and Brandy are both chatters and they got me caught up on all the latest drama of who is doing what and whom. Regardless of the fact that I knew about 3% of what they were talking about, they are both spirited little fillies and it was hysterical to watch them banter back and forth.


During the high drama, we cackled and laughed like a gaggle of hens and I have to admit, I snagged a couple of smokes from Brandy while we were on the patio… it was fabulous… my lungs love her. But by the time the ladies left, it was going on 11 pm.

I’m an old woman now.


When I used to stay up all night and chat on IRC, I would start at 10 pm when X would go into work, and if I got 3 hours of sleep a night, I called it a bonus.


Now, Mister and I covet our nighttime routines and really rely on the at least six hours of shut eye a night.


I put the house to bed with the gratuitous checking of each lock eleventy four frillion times Monday night and then I just lay there. My mind had already past the time for sleep, apparently it had decided that it was time to par-tay!


Crap.


I actually had to take a sleeping pill to get some rest.


It didn’t help that I had started reading some true crime novel in bed right before I turned out the light. Sheesh.


Oh, and thanks to the freak who did that movie HellBoy. Thanks a lot Buddy. That dust-filled guy with no lips and no eyelids is now fodder for my nighttime roller coaster brain.


Fucker.

October 15, 2004

I got all mixed up and started including Smurfs.

Yesterday afternoon I got to have lunch with Erica and Wendy.It was, as always ladies, a pleasure. We all got there at roughly the same time and all started talking immediately.

Now, as a bit of background, Erica, Mister and I have all been to dinner and a movie before. As a matter of fact, the three of us went to see Garden State back when it came out.

A moment for the Zach Braff love.

::sigh::

Anyway, during the dinner with Erica, Mister and myself, Erica said something that was a very profound view into her psyche for me, she said “I am absolutely terrified of silence.” And so we let her fill up the silence with chatter. She’s a very bright and intelligent young woman and her chatter is always entertaining and topical. Pssst, she’s a hardcore Democrat that can’t believe that I’m a Republican who likes Bush in the least. It freaks her shit in more ways than one.

Yesterday, when we all got to lunch and started talking at once. Wendy who is a very sweet young lady and not as pushy as Erica or I… turned to us and said, “May I have my crisis now?” It was a beautiful moment. Huzzah! Erica and I shut up for at least three seconds each (maybe four) and let Wendy talk.

I kid. We gave her at least a full minute.

I was telling Mister about it after lunch and he said, “Isn’t it sad that she had to do that though?” I countered with, “Certainly not. It’s great that she felt comfortable enough to do so.”


So far every night this week I have been able to sleep quite comfortably. Being in the house alone has not affected my sleep as much as I thought it would have. I haven’t been (that) nervous and fretful going to sleep each night and overall I think I have done pretty well.

I have had a few moments of, [GASP!] “What’s that noise!? Is something coming up the stairs to devour me in its gaping maw?”

And I will hold my breath for a few moments until the cat comes bounding into my room with a “mrow?” and then I breathe again.

So, yeah… whether it’s the mass amounts of booze, drugs or what, I can tell you right now… they are really working.

I kid.

Sort of.

I have been taking a Sonata™ just about every night this week to help me sleep. Last night? Yeah, not so much.

I decided to take my normal migraine medication and to skip the Sonata™.

My night went like this: got off of work at 4:30pm, went home, took a 30 minute cat nap because the day wore my ass OUT (staff meetings and what have you)… got up and ate a tacquito(sp?) and some raspberry yogurt, went to bible study from 7 to 8, called Erica, met her in Richardson for sushi (let her eat while I jabbered and filled the silences so she wouldn’t feel like she had to… see above), left at 10 something, got home at 10:45, in bed by 11pm.

By 12:15 I was trying to remember the names of the reindeer as recommended by Sheryl in a comment from yesterday. I got all mixed up and started including Smurfs. Somehow that struck me as totally funny and I barked laughter causing the cat to launch about six feet in the air. He knocked something off of the dresser on the way out of the room (read: careening around the door jamb)… something that happened to be in a crinkly bag.

A crinkly bag that was given a life of it’s own by the baby box fan at approximately 1:07 am.

That scared the ever-livin shit out of me.

I tossed and turned all night.

I had night sweats. Sexy. I know. You want me right? Uggggh, gross. My hair was wet. My chest was wet. My pillow was wet.

I was up and down, in and out of bed either every 20 or every 40 minutes. And for some reason, the cat decided that he was allowed onto the bed… no less than THREE times last night. I don’t know if he was going off of my stress and trying to comfort me? Or if he was just pushing boundaries because daddy ain’t home.

No clue what my problem was.

But I’ll be mainlining coffee today, that’s for sure.

Oh, and I get to meet with Stacey the possum slayer for a pedicure after work this afternoon! Woot!


Oh, and after the sushi thing with Erica last night, we were standing outside the restaurant chatting before getting in our respective cars (hollah … anal mystique!) and she told me that I have a Texas accent. Hmmmph.

Actually, we were talking about overcoming her hard A’s in the accent when coming from Ohio and I asked her if I had a Texas accent. She almost fell over she was laughing so hard… and I’m not even exaggerating a little bit. She almost fell off of her little size 5 Steve Maddens onto the sidewalk. (I’m guessing on the size of her shoe, I just know she’s a tiny little thing… Wendy too… I call them the pumpkins.)

What I am posing is this, if you know me, and you have heard my voice… and you are not from Texas yourself… (if you are from Texas, you are biased… sorry) please leave me a comment and let me know if you think I have a Texas accent.

Just curious.

About October 2004

This page contains all entries posted to Suzanna Danna in October 2004. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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