Suzanna Danna

They made love for the rest of the night. And in the bright sunlight of the early afternoon, driven by the need for food, they finally left the comfort of each others arms and the warm cocoon of his bedroom and got ready for the day.

He took her to lunch at a little Cajun restaurant and they had po’boys and cold beer. They acted like young lovers without a care in the world, cuddling and stealing kisses from one another and enjoying each other’s company.

They toured the college campus and he showed her sights of places that were important to him.

He asked her to go dancing with him later that night. She almost squealed at the prospect of having her own dance partner for a date. She dressed with care that evening and when she emerged from the bedroom after applying her makeup and doing her hair CC whistled low told her she was beautiful. And for the first time in a long while she felt beautiful.

The date was wonderful and the following romance found at CC’s home after they returned was even more so.

CC asked her to find a cd that was right for the moment and she put in Secrets and cued up You’re Makin’ Me High. CC’s eyes lit up when he heard the erotic strains of the song and after it ended he hit repeat. Then he hit repeat again. Again, and again… and again.

The next morning after showering together and a large breakfast, CC turned to her and said, “I know that you aren’t happy in your situation honey. And for that, I’m sorry. I wish I could help. You know my door is always open. I know you have to leave today, I wish you didn’t. Just let me know when you get home safe, ok?” She nodded, numbly aware that reality was about to crash back in.

They packed her belongings together, Lucy acted as the comic relief.

She walked to the door. He hugged her, she swore in her head she wouldn’t cry. She didn’t. The wall around her heart; that steady, constant companion; was already bricking up and getting ready for the trip home.

On the way home she called her husband and alerted him to the fact that she was on the road. He teased and goaded her asking her what seemed like a million times, “So… where were you this weekend?” She didn’t tell him. She said, “I’ll talk to you about it when I get home.”

She knew that she was going to have to tell him about where she was and also about her infidelity. She was going to have to tell him about CC. The knowledge that her husband had been wearing the shoes of the adulterer longer than she had was of no comfort to her in those six long hours on the road. She still had the hot, heavy weight of guilt riding in the pit of her stomach.

She rehearsed what she would say when she got to the house. How the conversation would go, what her husband would say when she told him she had been in Baton Rouge. Would she wait for a while and let him relax in the fact that she had just gone to another town to blow off steam before she told him she had slept with CC? Or would she give him all of the information at once?

She never knew how her brain would let the information flow. Quiet and controlled like an agent for some secret company sent to deliver only a few bulleted points? Or a rush of a verbal flood with no secrets left standing, all cards on the table?

She pulled into the drive and sat at the top of the hill. For a few moments she gripped the steering wheel tightly; hating the town and the land and her decisions that had brought her to this place and everything that she was tied to. She wanted to fly, she wanted to run, she wanted to be young again and revel in the knowledge that she had no responsibility to anyone but to herself.

Too late for that now.

She sighed and drove slowly down the driveway, parked, grabbed her bag and went inside.

Her husband was watching TV when she walked in. She put her bags in the bedroom and he came to greet her. He hugged her and she allowed it. Still mad at him even though she was just as guilty, he chuckled a little at his own little private joke and then asked her if she had fun.

Him: So, did you have a good time on your little weekend away?
Her: It was ok.
Him: Did you get over your mad?
Her: Did I what?!

She couldn’t believe he was going to try and joke his way out of this.

Him: I thought you were going away to get over being angry at me.
Her: Actually, I went away to try and prove a point.
Him: And what was that?
Her: That not being up front and communicating with your spouse can have terrible ramifications.
Him: Just because I slept with that girl and didn’t tell you about it first you thought you could go out of town and teach me a lesson?
Her: Always the gentleman. Good Lord. (trying to keep her composure) No, you dick just because you put my reputation and your reputation and possibly your health and my health on the line and … Good God man! You are a police officer! And you are Married!
Him: (hand up in defensive gesture) Sorry, sorry, sorry. So. Where did you go? Hmmm?
Her: Baton Rouge.
Him: Oh. Did you see CC?
Her: Actually, I stayed with him.
Him: Awesome. How is he doing?
Her: He is doing very well… he took very good care of me.
Him: Good, good.
Her: …...
Him: What are you not telling me?
Her: I… I slept with him.
Him: Hey, that’s cool… I slept with Leann W. last night.
Her: ::sigh:: …. I wouldn’t have expected anything less my dear.

The brick wall around her heart was almost complete before that night. By the end of that conversation nothing could penetrate it.