It is so gorgeous outside today. I actually left the building during my scheduled lunch hour. I went to the bank and picked up take out from Taco Bell (mmm healthy), but that isnt important. What is, is this. It is currently 3 degrees in Green Bay. And according to Jim (what I have cleverly named the little weather channel at the bottom of the 3tacon page. See? Here, say Hi to Jim. Scroll down a bit.) it feels like -9 degrees. NEGATIVE NINE.
According to the weather channel doohickey on NBC51.com it is 69 degrees in Dallas. And it feels like 69 degrees. If you know what I mean, and I think you do; you little cheeky monkey.
So. Negative nine huh?
When the weather gets like this (this = San Diego-ish) in Dallas people want to be outside. Everyone is walking to lunch. There are motorcyclists tooling around en masse. When the weather gets nice, and believe you me it is a very short window. Texas goes from nice/chilly to wishing-you-could-take-off-your-skin hot in about four hours. That will probably happen the weekend I am in Green Bay for the 3tacon, I will leave wearing a sweater and the lime green wool pimp hat* so my head will not freeze clean off and come home to people wearing flip flops with red sweaty faces.
*I totally got a lime green pimp hat. My mother picked it out and I love it. I will be shunned or commended; it could go either way really.
Yall have read (orrrr maybe not) about my history with motorcycles in the past and my proclivity for being sorta** slutty.
**Were speaking in relative terms here. Dont judge me.
Seriously. This ties in together somehow.
Bear with me.
So I was riding around today during my lunch hour and I went to this branch of my bank that I have not visited before to make a deposit. There were motorcycles in front of me, motorcycles in back of me, several motorcycles passing other cars on the broken white line (STUPID) and about twelve parked at this shop (::cough::pawn shop::cough::) that I passed. I blinked and looked up at the shops sign while at a red light. And then I remembered. I dated*** a guy that worked there.
***We met at a dance club, used to email, talk on the phone, go dancing and have a lot of sex. If that is what you want to call dating. And for this example, I think it works just fine thankyouverymuch****.
****Shut up.
And in my head I was all, Oh no did I include him on the list? Shit.
So there I was, driving around North Dallas counting with my fingers the people on the list. I was thinking about what my parents would say if they knew. Hell, I wonder what I would say if they ever asked me, So, before you married Mister and you were previously married to X, and that guy we caught sending you love letters in highschool My mother interjecting, [Dads name], those were total porn letters. Okay, so they were porn letters and you probably slept with him how many men have you been with?
First off. I would run screaming. Because, ew. And secondly, I dont think I would be quick enough to say, More than a nun, less than a paid professional. I would totally want to use the word hoor (who-er) instead of paid professional, but again
um. Ew.