Suzanna Danna

So, I totally didn’t even tell my journal Happy Birthday or anything. I cannot believe it has been five years of this shit. As a birthday gift to my journal, I am going to fix it, or at least work on fixing the totally jacked up formatting from when I switched over from Diaryland to Moveable Type. I may even fix the links and upload the pictures.

HA HA HA! Oh, me... such a kidder. But I will totally make a half assed* attempt at fixing the formatting.

*Being honest.

I’m already on entry number 14.

Only three hundred and twenty-eight left to go! Go me.

We had a very busy weekend. Friday was all about the... um. What the fuck did we do? Oh! I went to Happy Hour with Stacey. It was one of those “You can’t come unless your name is Stacey or Susan” happy hours. But when she pulled up she asked if she could call her work buddy. Of course, so I called a girl I work with. Both of them hemmed and hawed and my co-worker surprisingly showed up and all was well.

Of course Stacey and I couldn’t rant and rave and do a whole emotional dump (which is what the normal “Can’t come unless you are one of us.” things is all about) but I don’t think that either of us had a bunch of personal baggage to rummage through. So it was nice. We had several beers, Stace split around 8 something and I stayed on until a bit after 9 pm.

Saturday was chock full of crap to do. Zeke had an appointment at the vet at 9:30... that lasted until 11:30... which was when the fence guy from Lowes© was at our house waiting on us. We left the vet with Zeke a bit shaky and headed for the house, dealt with the fence guy, got the quote, ate lunch and headed to my nephew’s soccer game. After the soccer game we hung around the jungle gym** for a bit and then headed to PetCo to get some treats for Zeke, return a bag of food and to try to find him one of those little doggy back packs that will sit high on his shoulders so he can feel like he has a job. We’ll put a bottle of water in each side or something, nothing big.

**Just thought about the “old” Troy. Trix, LuLu, Stace, Sil, Steph, you guys know what I mean. I miss him.

By the time we left PetCo it was time to run to the groomers. OMG. If you guys are in the DFW area, and need a grooming service please.... email me for their information. I will give it to you immediately. They were so awesome and kind. They got all of the mats out of Zeke’s fur and their little grooming trailer smelled like a spa. The best part was after they wet Zeke down for the first time the lady rubbed some icy-hot type stuff into Zeke’s hips so he wouldn’t hurt while they were washing and grooming him. It makes me want to cry because they were so gentle. I love them. I would list their names and their phone numbers to give you guys a heads up but they are kind, church going folks and I don’t want them to know that I say fuck... a lot... and talk about my uterus. And then say nice things like “rainbow humping unicorns” and then talk about mammograms. I’m a peach.

Small veer. Are any of y’all excited about these new modesty bras from Bali©? Or is it just me? And here’s where it gets weird. I’m excited as hell because I don’t want to wear a padded bra, but also... I feel kind of like “Fuck you Bali. These are my nipples.” Anyone? Am I putting way too much thought into this?

Fade Up.

Scene... Mother and daughter walking along a beach at sunrise. Barefoot, hopefully wearing something billowy or linen.

Mother: “Honey, something seems to be on your mind.”
Daughter: “Mom,” ::sigh:: “It’s just my nipples. They can cut glass.”

Camera follows small tear down daughter’s cheek.

Fade into product on clear lazy Susan (heh), bracketed by water lilies. All slowly turning to face camera.

VO: “Bali, when you don’t want to replace a sweater, because of your sweater monkeys.”

Fade out.

Okay. So anyway. The puppy got all cleaned up. I think I will have dog hair in my eyes for about a month, but that is okay, at least he doesn’t smell like a floater in the Trinity River anymore.

After the groomers we ran up to the Hollywood Video on Coit and 121. We needed to return a video that we have had for about... oh, three months. I walked in, nearly taking a header into a sign that was all “STORE CLOSING, EVERYTHING 30% to 40% OFF!” Excuse me? What do you mean you are closing? I just had the service for the other Hollywood Video store when it closed down and I finally stopped grieving.

Whatever Hollywood Video. My love for you runs long and deep but it did not keep me from plucking from your still dying corpse like a ravenous vulture. Oh, fuck yes I cleaned up in there. Brought out like 12 videos and I was in a HURRY y’all. I wasn’t even looking at everything. Some of that awesome movie goodness was not even five dollars. Boo yah.

We finally took the poor tuckered out dog home and watched some movies.

Sunday was basically shit because I had massive cramps. (See previous entry. Should have been titled, “Uterus = hate.”) And the dog is terrified of thunderstorms. No big deal when he’s sitting on the couch next to me. But yes, a very big deal when I have been up since 2 am this morning because a dog the size of a small SUV was trying to claw his way up onto the bed using my face. Mister’s all, “Just be calm, and don’t baby him. He is taking his cues from us about how to react to the thunderstorm.”

Um. HI! Have you met me? I fucking hate thunder and lightening... and clowns... and people dressed in animal costumes... and maggots... and gum in ashtrays and ketchup on plates... and saliva. (Mostly possessed clowns that come after you during a thunder storm when a tree with saliva in its’ gaping maw tries to EAT YOU***.)

***And not in a good way.

I tried to be all calm and assertive. But the dog was whining pitifully, the cat was running around the room hissing at the dog, Mister was snoring (and wearing ear plugs), “BOOM!” --- that was thunder--- and a massive dog would try to claw his way up onto my head and yet I was supposed to be all, “No. Down. Lay down Zeke. Good dog. Night.” And go back to sleep for another 45 seconds until it happened again?

So, yeah. Today? I am tired. My hair looks like a cat threw up a fur ball on it and then got a perm. It is cold as hell, I haven’t slept. My uterine area feels like the thunderstorms took up residence in there and I have a butt cramp in my left cheek.

How are y’all doin?