Suzanna Danna

A few years ago I was working for an association that asked me to travel several times a year. I would do national conventions, regional conventions, board meetings, regulation and legislative meetings on Capitol Hill as well as site visits and various other sundry trips all over the nation. I truly loved my job. I loved the executive board, I loved their families and I loved planning the meetings and doing all of the publishing associated with each meeting. It was the perfect job for me but I had one issue. I hated my boss.

It was awful. He was cruel, demeaning and because of his Mensa member status he thought it was perfectly alright to treat others (women mainly) like chattel… never in front of those who mattered, just behind the scenes and when it wouldn’t be seen by the ones in power.

Truly horrific, I was torn by my intense love for my job and crying on the way to work at least twice a week for two years.

It was while working for that association that I had adopted Max (the cat). Max was my little love. I needed him as much as he needed me and he put up with a lot. I was miserable with how I had completely jacked up my life but I was proud of having the balls to leave my ex-husband and start my life over.

I had sworn off of dating because I didn’t really need the sex or the companionship and I definitely didn’t need the drama. So there I was… eleven cats shy of being the crazy cat lady and pretty okay with that.

I was pretty okay with my divorced/single/no prospects status and my decisions because I was determined to make myself better. I was going to exorcise my demons and work on making myself happy because I knew that even if someone did come along that they couldn’t make me happy. No one can fill a void in you unless you are cool with yourself. And to put that kind of pressure on someone (that had previously been put upon me) was unfair. “I’m empty, please make me happy!” [vomit]

I was happy with who I was and what I was. My past, present and the unknown future.

I went to my brother’s wedding in June of 2002. I was so happy for him and his beautiful bride. They were perfect for one another and I was excited to be invited to such a happy occasion. That weekend I left Dallas and went to Houston for Friday, left Houston Saturday and drove to Austin; where they were getting married; and went to stay with some old family friends.

Linda and Phil’s home was gorgeous and I got ready for Brian and J’s wedding and then headed out to the festivities. The wedding was perfect. The bride and groom were absolutely stunning and glowing with their happiness and the excitement for their future. I couldn’t have been happier for two people. They were starting their lives together and there seemed that there was nothing that they couldn’t do if they were together*. The future was stretched out in front of them like a blank canvas and I could see that they would paint each other’s worlds with beautiful color.

*They are due in October. YAY!

After the wedding Brian and J had a nice reception. All of our old friends from school and church were there with their new husbands and wives and their children. Our friends were spread out over two or three banquet tables of ten and I sat with my parents and the rest of the empty nesters at two large tables.

The empty nesters were the parents of all of Brian and my friends from church, school and our neighborhood. They would all get together for the weddings of each of their children and toast one another to their figurative baby birds leaving the nest.

Who am I kidding? They’ve been toasting one another with or without a reason for about twenty plus years now.

Example: “It’s Tuesday! Wooo! Margarita’s and beer over at the [my parent’s] pool!”

So I was sitting there among the empty nesters smiling at my friends and their new family units when one of the empty nester women turned to my mother and I, gasped and grabbed one of my hands and one of my mother’s hands in hers. She beamed as if she had just had a sunshine enema and said, “Susan! You are just like a mini Empty Nester!” I muttered thanks. My mother gave me an apologetic look and I excused myself from the table.

I kept my composure and went to the ladies room; I passed several friends at the bar and politely shrugged off conversation stating I would be back inna bit. I went into the ladies restroom, found it blessedly empty, stepped into a stall and promptly lost my shit.

I didn’t get why her blasé comment hurt my feelings so badly. I am not sure if her implying that I would forever be without a partner or children of my own hurt because she was so excited about it or that it shone light on a falsehood. Maybe I was actually perpetuating a weak little façade. Regardless, my tenuous control of my little bogus reality shattered like a crystal champagne flute dropped from the shaking fingers of a startled partygoer.

I wept. I sobbed. I had those awesome hitching sobs that come complete with a red face and strings of snot. Thankfully my little emotional break was short and I had time to stop blubbering before someone else came into the bathroom. I blotted my face and then reapplied the scant make up that I had in my teeny satin evening purse. My hair was already a mess, no one would notice as it normally is in disarray.

I stepped from the ladies room, stood in the line at the bar with some friends and chatted. After I made my rounds saying hello and then goodbye to those I love and hold dear I practically ran out of the building and jumped in my car. I went back to Linda and Phil’s and because Linda is a night owl I knew I wouldn’t wake her when I let myself in.

I went and changed into some shorts, slipped into the kitchen and made myself a tall glass of ice water and then took my smokes out on to their back porch. The night was beautiful and I was not the least surprised to hear Linda come up behind me, “How was the wedding?” I told her it was beautiful, and never one to waste words she asked me what was wrong. I tried to say “nothing”; she called bullshit, so I told her. She listened to my little story and nodded her head thoughtfully.

She said that what the empty nester said was out of line and not something you should EVER say to a just-turned-thirty year old woman as if she is already a spinster. Linda assured me that she was just trying to find camaraderie as she is a bitter shrew who is still pissed over her decade-old divorce. Leave it to Linda to be honest.

I took a deep breath, looked over the beautiful view of the hill country and sighed inwardly as well as physically. Linda was right. And I was doing just fine working out my own kinks, enjoying my own company, rebuilding my relationships that I put on hold when I went to ground after the divorce. I was right not to jump into relationship after relationship trying to retroactively fix the marriage that was broken and would always remain so.

I was alright.

I left Austin the next morning after having bar-b-que with Linda, Phil and my parents and headed home.

Of the next few months I turned down dates, I concentrated on my job and trying to work out how to communicate with my boss on his level. I kept my head down, did an amazing job at the convention, planned things, did stuff, went to happy hour with friends, cuddled my cat and then in October we had a board meeting in Atlanta that was around a tri-state or regional convention. I went prepared.

One of the executive board members was from Colorado, he met his current girlfriend on J-Date the Jewish online dating service. His girlfriend, Stephanie, and I clicked immediately. She and I were both lived in the Dallas area. One evening we were at the corner of the table over dinner and she started peppering me with questions.

Stephanie: So, what’s your story?
me: I was born the poor black son of a share cropper…
Stephanie: I’m serious.
me: Me too…
Stephanie: No, I mean, are you married?
me: Nope.
Stephanie: Kids?
me: Nope.
Stephanie: Boyfriend?
me: Nope.
Stephanie: Divorced?
me: Yep.
Stephanie: How old are you?
me: 94… Um, why all the questions? Are you hitting on me?
Stephanie: Heh, no. I just think that I have the perfect guy for you.
me: [eyebrow raise] Hmmm. Um.
Stephanie: Not interested?
me: Well, no. I seem to attract the crazy, Bob M. stuck his tongue down my throat in the elevator last night.
Stephanie: Gah. Wait, isn’t he married? AND on the Board of Directors!?
me: You’ve made my point for me.
Stephanie: Did you kiss him back?
me: NO.
Stephanie: Okay, okay, sorry. But really I think this guy is awesome and you are awesome, at least hear me out.
me: [sigh] Fine.

She started telling me about this guy.

Stephanie: Do you like tall guys?
me: The taller the better.
Stephanie: Bald guys?
me: Hells yes.
Stephanie: Facial hair?
me: Yep.
Stephanie: Okay, so good so far…
me: Wait, is he gainfully employed?
Stephanie: Yes.
me: Rock on, you may proceed.
Stephanie: He’s kind, gentle, loyal, respectful a great boyfriend…
me: And you know that last part how?
Stephanie: Oh, well, we dated for a while.
me: [snort] If he’s so great, why aren’t you still with him?
Stephanie: Well, because, he’s not Jewish.
me: [sheepishly] Oh. Alright.

So Stephanie went on and on about this guy. She asked me if I would like to meet him. I shrugged noncommittally and said, “Sure.” She was excited. “Okay, I’ll call you.”

The meeting/convention wrapped up and I headed back to the Dallas area to plan the next meeting.

I got back on Tuesday and was very surprised when my phone rang that Wednesday and I heard Stephanie on the other line. We chit chatted for a while and I told her that I never expected her to call but I was very pleased, I told her that when she had an hour or two to spare one night after work that we should do happy hour. But she wasn’t having it, she was on a mission.

Stephanie: Actually, I was calling to see if you wanted to meet that guy I was telling you about.
me: What… huh?
Stephanie: The guy, the perfect guy for you. Do you want to meet him?
me: Um.
Stephanie: Oh come ON Susan… we’ll do something casual. No big deal, CASUAL.
me: Casual…
Stephanie: Yeah, like ice cream, and I’ll be there too.
me: You’ve already set this up, haven’t you?
Stephanie: Yes. Be at my counter at 7 pm tonight.
me: Tonight?
Stephanie: Tonight.
me: …
Stephanie: Susan?
me: Fine.
Stephanie: YAY!
me: Don’t expect much, I look like shit.

I looked down at my black pants and my black boots, and the (shocker) black v-neck Old Navy t-shirt with the white pointed collar. I had no expectations and I am sure he didn’t either so I figured that I’d go “as is” and see if that worked in my favor or against me. At that point, I really didn’t care.

I got off work and leisurely drove to the mall where Stephanie worked at a Fresh counter. I got there right on time and in a very uncharacteristic move for me, I didn’t even powder my nose or reapply lipstick. I think I may have been unconsciously trying to turn this poor man off. I figured that I didn’t want to date or even have the possibility of getting my hopes up. So I went in with no expectations. Sure, Stephanie had painted him to be everything on my WANT IN A GUY list that I had torn up and burned about a year before but I refused to be even the slightest bit optimistic.

I was even a little cynical.

And I almost put on my bitch face.

I walked into the mall and over to Stephanie’s counter, she was so excited that her face was flushed and her eyes positively sparkled. I couldn’t help but smile back at her and as we idly chatted about her products I saw her head snap up as she watched Captain Awesome approach from behind me. When he reached the counter and said, “Hey Stephanie” in a deep bass voice I looked over at him and smiled. He said, “You must be Susan, I’m Mister.” And he stuck out his hand for me to shake. I shook his hand (it was huge, soft and warm) and nodded, “Very nice to meet you, Stephanie has told me a lot about you.” He mocked horror and then the three of us fell into an easy conversation as Stephanie closed up her booth and led us to Haggen-Dazs.

I looked him over as we walked to the ice-cream store. He had on suit pants (navy), a white button down shirt (starched), a gold herringbone tie and shoes that were polished to a mirror like shine. He was handsome in a rugged way which worked with his manner of dress as opposed to against it. His short auburn hair offset his close-groomed full beard that was red and gold. His eyes were blue grey with a sparkle and he had full lips that had a perfect little freckle on the bottom right corner of the fullest part. His hands were perfectly manicured and I was curious about his feet. He was huge, at least 6’5” if not taller and he strode purposefully forward but not at a fast gait that his long legs could certainly carry him. He kept pace with Stephanie and me as we walked.

Stephanie let the cat out of the bag that he had just been made an officer at his bank that day and that is why he was wearing a suit, sans the coat. I was impressed. I felt like I was meeting a real grown up that wasn’t over fifty.

Since I am not that big on sweets I deferred to Mister and Stephanie as they picked the best thing on the menu. Mister paid and we all sat down to chat. The three of us fell into and effortless discussion of how we all met and how strange it was that it took Stephanie dating a guy in Denver and then she and I meeting up in Atlanta for the three of us who lived within a few miles of each other in the DFW area to meet up at last.

I started asking questions about Mister, almost the same things that Stephanie had asked of me in Atlanta.

me: So, where are you originally from?
Mister: Originally, originally? Or just before I move to Texas?
me: Both.
Mister: Well, I was raised in Wisconsin and then moved to the Orlando area.
me: And how did you get out here?
Mister: [turning to Stephanie] You didn’t tell her this part?
Stephanie: Nope.
Mister: Well, Stephanie use to be a recruiter and she hired me for a job.
me: The job at the bank.
Mister: [they exchanged a glance] No, that job actually didn’t pan out so I started consulting for a bank. As of today I am an officer and a full time employee.
me: And I understand that you are divorced.
Mister: Yes.
me: Me too.
Mister: Any children?
me: One stepdaughter. Well, I guess, ex-stepdaughter.
Mister: I had four.
me: Step children?
Mister: Yes.
me: And none of your own?
Mister: No.
me: May I ask why you are divorced?
Stephanie: Ooooh, oooh! Can I take this one?
Mister: Sure.
Stephanie: She cheated on him with a blind preacher from Texas.
me: No shit?
Mister: Some online crap. It was only a matter of time.
me: A blind preacher from Texas. Online.
Mister: And after I moved out here, so did she.
me: A stalker? Super! [two thumbs up]

He laughed and told Stephanie, “She’s funny, I like her.”

We talked and finished our ice cream then he asked me, “Would you like to go to dinner?” I nodded and we totally ditched Stephanie. We went to a restaurant, one of his favorite. I asked him to order for me and he did, the salmon. It was delicious. We talked for the rest of the evening and ended up closing down the restaurant.

He drove me back to my car at the mall and I got out and waved thank you. He asked if he could call me and I said sure. Little did I know that the next day I would get a call from him.

Mister: Hi.
me: Hi.
Mister: I was wondering what time you get off work.
me: 4:30.
Mister: Do you think you could get off work a little early tomorrow?
me: Like what time?
Mister: Two-ish.
me: I could, what’s up?
Mister: Well, I was thinking that said that you like Six Flags, and they have that whole Halloween thing going on. Would you like to go?
me: I would love to.
Mister: Perfect, I’ll pick you up at two p.m. tomorrow.
me: I’m looking forward to it.

Y’all, I had mentioned in passing that I like amusement parks and he calls me for our first date and made it apparent that he actually LISTENED to me through our three hour dinner the night before.

I was so excited.

The next day was drizzly and cool. But true to his word, he picked me up at 2:00 p.m. and we drove to Arlington laughing and talking the whole way. The rain kept picking up so we decided to stop in the nearby Cheddar’s to wait out the storm. We ended up sitting in Cheddar’s for about eight hours talking and laughing, the storm never let up and we were having too good a time to even care.

Saturday I called him to see if he wanted to go to a charity event with me Sunday night. He would be meeting Stacey, Greg and Kerry. Two Kerr Krew members and a friend I had known since I was 14. I figured if they approved as much as I was approving of this guy then I could go ahead and let myself hope a little.

Sunday came and he picked me up to take me to the charity function. Everyone loved him and I kept looking at this man, not a guy, not a boy but a MAN thinking, “Seriously, can I have one of these for myself? He’s handsome, he’s witty, he’s funny, he isn’t married, he has no children and he’s gainfully employed. I want this one.”

That night, he kissed me.

Mister was the first man I ever pursued. Our courtship was like a yearlong job interview with each one of us trying to make sure that we weren’t making a mistake like we had in our first marriages. We checked out our core values, our compatibility, our likes and dislikes and it all worked. When he proposed I he said, “Can I ask you one more question?” Y’all… I rolled my eyes because I was tired of us overanalyzing the shit out of one another. He slid to one knee and opened a box with a beautiful diamond on a perfect simple band.

He asked, “Will you marry me?”

He will always be my one and only. I have never known love. I have known jealousy, I have known possessiveness, I have known friendship, I have known complacency and I have known regret and hatred. I have never known love, but now I do.

Saturday will be our five year anniversary. We have had some tough times with health issues, job layoffs and many a family crisis. I wouldn’t change one moment of the past almost six years of being with this man. Even though some things were tough we rode the wave with each other as support. We talk, we laugh, we love. He is my true north, my moral compass. He lets me be who I really am with no apologies and I love him with all of my being.

I love YOU you husband. Thank you for being my other half.