Suzanna Danna

Alright, simmer… simmer.

I have taken (very poor quality) pictures for you. I wanted you all to meet the newest member of our little family.

This is my new purse Gigi. The wallet (her little sister Gidget) are both COACH from the Gigi line. I fell in love with this purse last December or January but I would have been smoking some serious crack to pay a car payment for a bag so…

When Mister and I went to San Antonio for our fifth (Freaking FIFTH!) anniversary in September we stopped at an outlet on the way down. We stopped at the one in Roundrock, just north of Austin and I picked out three bags. I couldn’t make up my mind so Mister did his little, “pick a number between one and three.” I picked the number two and he handed me the most expensive bag. We bought her and they wrapped her up and we headed on our way.

He asked me if I was excited.

Strangely enough I was not. I was not excited about a COACH purse. That evening when we got done with dinner and back to the hotel room I did not unpack the purse, unwrap it, name it and then transfer my things from my first COACH purse, Elvira into the new one.

Mister knew something was wrong.

Could I be ill?

Mister: Honey, are you okay?
me: Yes, thank you, why do you ask?
Mister: You haven’t put your stuff in your new purse and you haven’t even…
me: Yes?
Mister: … you haven’t even named her. Is that not the one you wanted?
me: Well…
Mister: It’s okay. Really, I want you to be as happy with your new purse as you have been with Elvira.
me: Thank you baby. And to answer your question, no… I am not in love with the new one.
Mister: You need to have the one you really want.
me: I agree, so while you are golfing the course…
Mister: the PALMER COURSE…
me: … Right, while you are golfing the PALMER COURSE, I will run to the COACH outlet store in San Marcos and see what I can find.

Now that the matter was settled, I could relax a little. I was so worried that no purse would ever take the place of Elvira. I know I am a total shoe whore but I am pretty monogamous when it comes to purses. I have Elvira, Chelsea (the brown Kathy von Zeeland one), Scarlett (the red Aldo one I got in Montreal) and that is about it. I do not change purses every day, I am kind of a one purse woman. And Elvira can NEVER be replaced. She is my first, my most versatile purse and I love her.

Yeah, guys. You can look away now. From here on out it is mainly purse talk, no more about golfing. Oh. Here’s a link about me being the porn queen of Nacogdoches. The top part is about boobs so if that bores you, scroll down to “***Oh the irony.” And read from there. Enjoy.

The next morning when Mister left at the ass crack of dawn to be the first (golfing) foursome on the PALMER COURSE for the day I got up and went to have a bite of breakfast. It was way too early to leave for the outlet as it was about 45 minutes to an hour away and they didn’t open until 10 am. I was scheduled for a noon massage so I had to get there, do a looksee and return/exchange if needed and then be back by 11:30 so I could shower and make it to the spa by 11:45. Good plan right? Right.

I left the resort at 9:10am and hauled some serious ass to San Marcos. I got there 10 minutes before the outlet stores even opened. When they did, I walked in with my COACH bag and the imposter wrapped up and hiding inside. A very nice woman named Mya came over.

Mya: Good morning ma’am. Do you have an exchange?
me: I’m not sure.
Mya: You’re not sure?

I handed her the bag and gave her a brief rundown.

Mya: Oooh, the purse is still wrapped up in the bag.
me: And I haven’t even named her.
Mya: Pardon?

So I introduced her to Elvira, told her about love at first sight and that the previous day had been Elvira’s fourth birthday.

She didn’t bat and eye, call for security or anything. She just nodded empathetically and said, “I’ll just put this other one behind the counter.” She asked me what I was looking for. I told her that over December-January I had been in a COACH retail store in Dallas and fell in love with the Gigi. The Gigi in question was a gorgeous dark teal/navy/sea blue leather. Mya said that she had heard of that bag but had never seen one. She asked me to follow her and she checked the system. The warehouse was out of that color but there was one, and it was in Texas. It was in Lubbock but if they shipped it to me it would be retail cost. I asked if she had the Gigi in anything other than black in her store (as I already had Elvira). She thought a moment and asked me to wait.

She came out from the back of the store with Gigi in her hands. Gigi is the most beautiful camel color I have ever seen. Several other patrons turned to ask her if she had another one. She answered, ever politely, “No ma’am, I’m sorry, this is the last one.”

AND SHE WAS MINE.

Mya handed Gigi over and asked if that was the purse I wanted. I said, “Yes, please.” She showed me that it had been marked down several times and that it was less (a lot less) than the purse I had in the bag when I came through her door.

Mya: Why don’t we look around just in case.
me: Alright, but I want this one. Look how she hangs against my side.
Mya: She’s yours, you can have her, I just want to make sure that she is the one.
me: She is. I have money left over right?
Mya: Oh, yes.
me: Then I need a wallet too. Maybe a makeup bag. Like this one.

And I showed her Florida Evans.

We found a wallet (Gidget) but not one makeup bag that I was even interested in.

Gigi was named so perfectly that I started calling her Gigi before I even left the store. Gidget was a natural name for the cheeky little sister. Gidget’s interior pockets for credit cards and cash is a light blue leather.

All that and I got almost a hundred dollar credit.

I was in and out of the store in less than 45 minutes. I hauled ass back to the resort and was early to my massage. My little masseuse was fabulous. She had red hair, great hands and was funny enough to give me the verbiage where guys go for a happy ending massage… “Jack Shacks”.

All in all, it was a fabulous anniversary weekend.

One more thing. This morning when I got here I was listening to conversations around me at the office and I have been fighting against the rage that has been building so I sent my former boss a text message telling him that I was checking out today, that headphones are my friend and I just might write a story today.

He sent back this email.

I Think I’ll Write a Story Today

On days when I’m just too burned out
To think about life’s cares
Or listen to complaints and gripes
That people want to share
I turn my thoughts to make-believe
And with them I escape
To places that I dream about
Through tales that I create…
So….

Chorus:
I think I’ll write a story today…..
I’ll start with pen and paper,
Or a blank computer page
And even if nobody cares
about the things I say
I think I’ll write a story today….

My story might be good or bad
Depending on the mood
It may filled with happiness
Or maybe gloom and doom
In either case, I have to say -
But you may disagree,
This exercise of truth or lies
For me is ther-a-py

So…. I think I’ll write a story today (la la la la…..)

I would link to his Facebook page, give you his email address or maybe even a link to him singing America the Beautiful on YouTube but as he a man of God who bribed me with a Lancome gift with purchase over a year ago to stop saying anything having to do with female genitalia (and other plumbing parts) as to stop embarrassing him, I will not link to him. Unless you email me and ask for the YouTube video.

And no, he does not read this page.

As proof? Vagina. Uterus. Fallopian tubes. BLADDER!

There. See?