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June 2009 Archives

June 1, 2009

...feathers flying, lotsa yelling

I have so much to tell you guys and the most incredible wall of writer’s block that my brain feels constipated.

I think the last thing I wrote was about all of the stuff we had planned for the week of my birthday and that I had to put on pants. (Woe.) So I am going to start there with a quote from that week from my darling cousin, Andrew. And No, he does not know about this site and I will personally skin you alive and wear your flesh if you show this page (or anything from my site to him). So, Andrew came into town and my sister and I (please, for the love of God, do not tell the authorities or my mother.) played a wonderful game called “Getting Andrew Served”. It was a lot of fun and, to be honest with you, she and I (and my father) are much better at the game than my brother in law and Mister.

The trick is (and yes, I know I haven’t even said the quote from Andrew, but I will come back to that in due time) to just order, “I’ll have a Belvedere Citrus and Seven,” then point to him and say, “Want the same?” he nods, the waitress or waiter brings two… easy peasy. Do NOT do like Mister did. “I will have a Blue Moon, what do you want Andrew?” My father also seems very competent at getting booze for minors. “I’ll have two glasses of red wine.” Delivered, he hands one to Andrew under the nose of the wait staff.

The quote…

When Andrew got to the house I showed him around, “Here is the kitchen, this is the living room, most of the technology works from this remote…. Follow me…. This is your bedroom, here are your towels, your washcloths… there are extras in this closet here… and this is your bathroom. THIS… (handing him a container) is your Oust. You are a boy, this is YOUR Oust.” After he relaxed enough to have a few drinks with us, at a bar one night he said, “I am so glad you gave me that Oust. I AM a guy and one time I didn’t close the door to my bathroom and consequently my room and one of my roommates asked me if I had shit in the hallway.”


When he left, we packed it in his luggage to take home.

I thought about that on Friday and sent him a text telling him I had just thought about what he said and that it made me laugh. I got this text back, “I’m sorry, I just got a new phone and don’t recognize the number, who is this?” I was like, “Dude, it is your cousin, SUSAN. How many people in the DFW Metroplex do you know who would actually say that to you?”

So, suffice it to say, we had a good time. My favorite was the last night he was here. It was Wednesday the 13th. I got home around 6ish and we had a bite to eat and then went to a local hangout… the NORM! bar… if you remember. They served us. (woo!) And we started chatting. He would say more to me in private than when the rest of the family was around because I had already opened that “no judgment here” door a few weeks earlier on a Monday at like 2:30 am on FaceBook… don’t ask.

We were chatting, my sister called and said that we were losers because we wouldn’t go over to her house, and she couldn’t come to where we were, having children and all. And we looked at our full beers, our smokes and were like, “Dude, you’re calling US losers!?!” Then another call came in. From Dre’, “Sue, man… I’m here with Doug at (random bar in Irving) y’all come out here.” I replied, “Nope, we’re getting served at the NORM! bar and we aren’t leaving.” His old college roommate (whom I graduated high school with) grabbed the phone, “Susan! You Whore! I have an expense account and I am not afraid to use it! Bring your fucking cousin and meet us in Addison!” “Wow, Doug. Even if that were an even remotely attractive offer, all bets were off as soon as you called me a whore. So, um, no…. fuck you, put Dre’ back on the phone.” Dre got back on the phone. “Dude, what the hell is up with Doug? He’s already trashed isn’t he?” “Yeah, sorry about the whole whore thing. You can call him names all night to his face, meet us at… I dunno…” I hopped in, “We’ll meet you at Cape…” “Dude, that is MORE than half way!” “Dude. I didn’t call YOU.” “Okay, fine.” “And he’s buying right!?” I looked to Andrew who was nodding with a big grin on his face. “Yes, Doug is buying,” Dre confirmed. I conceded… “Fine, but our goal is to put Andrew on the plane completely hung over in the morning.” “Deal.”

Andrew and I paid our wee tab and went out to the car.

We drove, and it is pretty close and Dre and Doug were more than 15 miles away, we were like seven, and they called us in five minutes. “We’re out on the patio!!!” “How fast were y’all going to get there in five minutes from Irving?” “Over a hundred on the tollway.”

You see… these boys (men, they are totally men now, and it freaks me the fuck out.) went to college at OU and used to come to Dallas for weekend trips, racing each other the whole way. So there is history there.

A few weeks ago I went from not seeing Dre in twenty one years to seeing him like every other day/week/whatever and definitely BlackBerry messaging almost every day. Now me, Dre’, Mister and Dre’s bride MKP hang out a bunch. We did this past weekend and the one before. It is so great to have another couple to do stuff with, that (this sounds awful, but whatever) don’t have kids and can just go do stuff at the drop of a hat. I love it.

Andrew and I got to the bar and went right through the DO NOT ENTER gate to bypass the ID checker girl and found Doug and Dre holding a table. Doug, dude, he is a total man now. I need to bust out the yearbook to even remember what he looked like as a kid. And of course, Dre was as handsome and gentlemanly as ever. I hugged Doug and called him a whore and then introduced both of them to Andrew. We all said our hellos and then out of the bar walked the waitress from the BIG BAR tab. The night of “Oh SHIT I am in SO much trouble!” Falling off my shoes night.

“Jenny!” “YAY!” “I have been under strict orders from home to never start a bar tab on the credit card again.” “Yes ma’am. So, what are y’all drinkin?” “Citrus Vodka and Seven, double tall, bourbon and coke, double tall as well for Andrew and boys (I gesture to Dre and Doug), will you be drinking Scotch?” “Separate or one tab?” We all looked at Doug, “I’m buyin.” Heh.

We started telling stories and I had already told Andrew on the way over, “Whatever they say about me isn’t true.” “::Snort:: Sure, Sue, whatever you say.” “What!?... Gah!” I was like, “Okay, look… fine… maybe some of the stuff is true.”

Doug and Dre started talking about old times, interjecting new stuff, “Guess what someone has a picture of your cousin doing to our waitress?” “Shut up Dre’.” “….So while Doug was in his room with some girl we threw in a whole box of geese…” “No shit, we were sleeping and, “HONK!”… What the fuck? Baby, what was that? “HONK!” (click <- a light) “Holy shit GEESE!... What the fuck are geese doing in here?” “They shit everywhere. We finally rounded them up, put them in the elevator, hit LOBBY and then ran back to our rooms.”*

Andrew, being in college, asked me, “Why didn’t you tell me this shit when I was fifteen?” “Oh HELL no.” You could see him taking metal notes for pranks with his frat brothers when he got back to school. Dre and Doug gave him some pretty good material.

We closed the place down, drove home and on the way Andrew was asking me about the X, how I met Mister… he asked me about a lot of things, and we promised not to lose touch. He said he wanted to come back next summer when he was a viable 21 year old and I promised to fly him back out if he could get to Atlanta-West (Birmingham). We promised to not turn into our cousins in North Carolina who are closer in proximity but don’t really take or have the time to spend with family. We promised to keep tabs on one another and when we got home, we went out on the back porch and had a smoke.

He asked me about my ex-step daughter (they were both in my first wedding (to X)) and as we talked about her and I told him about her parents and the things she learned at an early age and etcetera he took this huge deep breath in and then blew it out saying, “Oh man, I SO love my parents right now.” I told him, “They are the best Andrew, and just wait… in a few years, when you guys cross that parent/child boundary and you can truly become friends with your parents it is the most amazing gift ever.”

I gave him a bottle of water and three Advil and we went to bed around 2:30 or three am and his flight was at seven. We had planned on leaving at 5:30 am from the house, but I woke up at 5:30, looked at the clock and bolted out of bed, “Shit Andrew, wake up, wake up!” We threw all of his stuff in his suitcase and flew out the door. We laughed, bleary eyed and tired (still reeking of cigar and cigarette smoke) all the way to the airport.

I dropped him off and I can’t wait until he comes back next summer!

*Clarification from Dre’ on the geese… from BB messenger like 5 minutes ago. And I quote, “Geese was indeed Doug. In his room while he was in bed with a chick naked with the lights out. We tossed the ducks, slammed the door and listened quietly through the door… “Did you hear something?... I think someone or something is in the room with us… WTF was that?!?... (We see the lights flick on from under the closed door and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.) Quacking, feathers flying, lotsa yelling and screaming, shit everywhere! Afterward we set the ducks on the dorm elevator, pressed L for Lobby and sent them down. A minute later… faint screams from below. Heh heh!”

About June 2009

This page contains all entries posted to Suzanna Danna in June 2009. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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