A quote from the Galactic Cowboys song “If I Were A Killer”: "This is just a hypothetical story... 'bout someone - let's just say it's me." Yes, boys and girls it is time for another one of those “Fiction, or Is It?” stories. And by the way, you are welcome.
A few weeks ago I was chatting with an old friend, let’s call him Nacho, and we were discussing some of life’s amazing little coincidences and follies.
Let me tell you a little bit about Nacho. Nacho is a beautifully handsome man. He is perfectly tall. Not too tall that your neck aches when you reach to kiss him but tall enough that you feel safe with his well muscled arms wrapped around you. He gives the perfect hug, strong and laughing so you can hear his voice rumble through his chest. He is broad through the shoulders and narrow at the hip with marvelously white teeth and green eyes that are a color only found in nature, the color of pine trees and of the depth of the ocean. He is kind and gentle and most of my memories include him. His deep and soothing voice still invades my thoughts because growing up we shared a common sense of humor as well as curiosity for life and all the wonders it offered.
Nacho has not always been as self assured and relaxed within himself as he is now. Now that he is a man, the voice fits, the height fits, the broad shoulders and beautiful smile fit. But when he was a much younger man, he was a little insecure and very much willing to try to blend into the background when it was almost impossible. His charm, wit and gentle heart could never be overlooked. So he made jokes.
That was his M.O. Humor. And it worked on almost everyone.
With razor sharp wit and a quick sense of humor he could turn almost any situation into an amusing one.
All except one.
We were very young and very close and one day after school the subject of kissing came up. Nacho had never kissed a girl, and always being happy to oblige and help a brother out, I offered to teach him. Oh, sure, very Mother Teresa of me, … yes it was a selfless act of mercy. No you idiots, he was still very cute back then but he just had no clue. We stood in an alley (because we were hoodlums*) and he asked me, “So, what do I do?”
*Please.
I, being the expert (*see above) told him to put his hands around my waist, he obediently did as he was told. I asked him to pull me a bit closer as I slid my arms around his neck. He did so, and then I told him to keep his mouth soft, turn his head a little to the right and to follow my lead. I pressed my lips against his and he did the same, I pulled back a little and told him to part his lips a little and that I was going to lick his lips. He opened his eyes and looked at me, briefly shook his head then assumed the position again, this time with his mouth partly opened. I licked his lips softly then asked him to do the same to me. He licked my lips hesitantly then I told him that I was going to French kiss him and he could use a little more pressure or to do as he felt but to be careful as he was wearing braces. He pressed his lips against mine and parted them with his tongue, I licked over the tip of his tongue and he pulled me closer into him and really kissed me. He moved his arms around my back so one was around my waist and the other was between my shoulder blades, he deepened the kiss to almost maximum make out level. Whoo-boy! To this day I think he totally knew how to kiss… because he didn’t need any direction at all.
Sneaky, that Nacho.
When it came time for us to graduate we sadly went to separate schools, he to his parents alma mater and me to… well, y’all know where I went. I called him one day a few weeks into my fall semester of my junior year to ask him if he would come see me. I had a formal to go to and I knew that he would be the perfect date. We didn’t get to see one another that often and I knew that we would have a blast that weekend. I could introduce him to my friends (the ones he didn’t already know and love) and he would be perfect arm candy with a side dish of awesomeness all in one handsome package. We could catch up, we could laugh and watch movies or just go around to different parties and hang out. The formal was an excuse, but it was a good one.
He came up that weekend and we started off that Friday night at a party with some of my friends. I introduced him to all of the single women I knew. He was a big hit being tall, handsome, in a fraternity and gregarious. He drew people to him and in short time they were sitting around him like he was a bon fire, listening to him tell stories of his college and our days of growing up with one another.
That evening, back at my apartment we got into our standard college pj’s (gym shorts or boxers and a t-shirt). We brushed our teeth at the same sink, lounged around on the bed talking about what had been happening lately, who had seen whom, what was going on with so and so, the success of the evening. We also discussed what we were going to do the next day and the particulars of the formal. We would go to dinner with a small group then head over to the formal. Our parents had made sure to make us promise to take pictures to send to them.
He jumped up and hung his suit coat, pants and tie near my little formal dress then walked over, laid down and snuggled in beside me on my little twin sized bed. We had always been comfortable around one another. There had never been any tension or weirdness that sometimes happens between boys and girls. While growing up we would normally share a chair rather than sit next to one another on the floor or couch. Our parents thought we were adorable. So sharing a teeny bed with him was not out of my comfort zone.
Nacho started kissing my neck. The back of my neck.
Damn you, Nacho!
He slid an arm under my neck, and wrapped arm around my waist and pulled me in his strong embrace (he wanted me to mention the massive bulging manhood here… so). I could feel his massive bulging manhood pressing against my bottom, almost pushing me out of the bed **Nacho note: seriously? SERIOUSLY??? Don’t believe it, folks.** **Susan Note… Oh Nacho totally wanted me to talk about his huge prowess and that I was all scared and shit… Having it push me physically from the bed was about as far as I would go… and it painted a picture, no? YES.. Yes, it did.** I quietly giggled, swatting his hands away and said, “Quit it Nacho.” He said, “Oh, alright.” We went to sleep and the rest of the weekend went exactly how we planned it.
The story in itself is not atypical.
But sixteen years later as we were chatting via BlackBerry Messenger he mentioned the time he came to visit me at school. We talked a bit about it and then he dropped a massive bombshell.
Nacho: I tried to offer you my virginity that weekend.
me: Wait, what?
Nacho: I said… I tried to offer you my virginity that weekend.
me: You. Did. Not.
Nacho: Yes, truly I did. Don’t you remember?
me: Oh God.
Nacho: What?
me: What did I do?
Nacho: I got a little handsy and you swatted at me and said ‘Quit it.’
me: Was I mean?
Nacho: No.
me: Oh, how awful… this is … (complete meltdown, worried that I had hurt his feelings ect.)
Nacho: (lots of text missing but basically him making me feel better about the whole scenario)
me: So, that was it and you were okay with all of it.
Nacho: Sure, I figure that we were too good of friends to make a big deal out of it.
me: But that is a once in a lifetime thing man.
Nacho: I know, but …
me: There was a reason for it I am sure.
Nacho: There’s always a bigger picture that we don’t see.
me: You’re awesome.
We still see each other, but most often it is texts, emails and phone calls at completely random times. Normally ending with, “Like a BOSS.” He’s still in my heart, he is still one of my closest friends, he is still hysterical as shit and he is still the same Nacho I know and love. He is still as gorgeous as ever, he has an elegant wife and a beautiful child so yeah, there is always a bigger picture that we don’t always see.
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