« November 2009 | Main | January 2010 »

December 2009 Archives

December 30, 2009

2009 Can Suck It.

Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus and all of that. Yes, all of that to you and yours. I for one am extremely glad that 2009 is coming to an end, quickly, quietly… with a whimper and not a bang.

In my numerology report I would like to imagine (I’ve actually seen several, and they don’t tell me a damn thing, either that or I am not intuitive enough to figure them out) that the past couple of years have been made for “building character” for “toughening my skin” for making sure I can “take one on the chin” and all that kind of shit that people say when you are going through a rough patch.

But guess what? I am tired. My character is just fine. My skin, even though soft and supple, is as tough as it is going to get. And taking it on the chin just sounds dirty. So fuck you 2009. You and the stupid months that go with you. You are dead to me 2009. Dead. You hear me? No, no. I am not going to take it back. Sure, it may be harsh, but you know what 2009? I have had enough of your pathetic excuses, your weak assed attempts to be personable and engaging. You suck 2009. Even worse than 2008 if that is possible.

If I were to take a poll of years that flew by and sucked serious monkey ass you would be right up there with, let’s say… oh, 2008, 1999, 1997 and a few others.

Goodbye and good riddance 2009.

2010, you better be ready to bring your A Game.

December 31, 2009

Last entry of 2009. I am nicer this time, I promise.

How to be a jackass. Step one. Call into the office “inclement weather line” (I did this yesterday) and hear “Today is Wednesday, January 28th, 2009, the roads are icy and the office will open at 10:30 am.” Step two, call back to confirm. Step three, only hear, “Wednesday” and “10:30 am”. Step four, show up at 10 am all early and chipper and shit and ask why everyone is there before 10:30 am. See also… it is December. JACKASS.

The epitome of douche-y. It was 74 degrees the other day (yes, in the middle of all of this weird Texas snow) and on the way home from work was the very essence of douche driving next to me in his little boxy Porsche/Miata/Sunburst/Sorry About Your Small Penis, Sir/Whatever car. I believe that I have come up with the formula for douche-iness. The first ingredient is the convertible top… it MUST BE DOWN so everyone can admire the douche, add in a pinch of WAY too much hair product on thinning dark hair with … (deep breath) frosted tips, include extremely elaborate facial hair. We are talking AJ McLean from the Backstreet Boys* (in the 90’s) elaborate facial hair. And yes. I had to Google that. Also, hee… some of the images that popped up are priceless. On top of the elaborate facial hair, the frosted tipped thinning over-producted hair (really, it is the frosted tipped thing that gets me) and the expensive compensation car, please add three very crucial things. Bluetooth earpiece and expansive hand gestures while darting in and out of traffic like a teeny pissed off bee. I don’t know about y’all, but with any sort of earpiece for my phones I can’t even have the window cracked, or else the sound is horrible. I can’t imagine what it is like in an open convertible, doing 70mph. Yes, I totally took a picture with my blackberry, it turned out poorly.

*Backstreet’s Back ALRIGHT!

Right eye, why dost thou forsake me daily? I do not poke or prod you, I do not line my inner eyelids with makeup and I do not shoot aerosol hairspray into you while fixing my hair. I pamper you and put eye drops in you but yet you refuse to quit watering ever day… yes, just you right eye, in the outside corner… for hours. Why? You realize that with the dabbing of the Kleenex into that corner and the consequential removing of any traces of makeup that were around you, that I look like a lopsided goober, right? What is your motive?

Update on dropping my basket (see a few entries ago). No, I have not called Terry or sent him an edible arrangement of honeydew melon. I do not plan to. I did send him an email (many days after said dropping of basket) that simply said, “you are thought of often with affection, hope you are well.” Or something to that effect. I received emails asking me to call so we could meet for a milkshake (as that is his only vice now, chocolate) or something and catch up. I have not done so. Nor, do I think I will. We already know I am crazy. This poor man has NO IDEA.

At fredlet’s suggestion I have been reading the Merry Gentry series by Laurel K. Hamilton**. I bought the first two books last summer (hubba hubba, Gah, HOT) and for Christmas, Mister bought me the rest from Amazon. Not that I needed any help in the mental fantasy realm. But thanks. Now I have nonhuman men to lust after in my brain. Also, until recently I was mispronouncing one of the main characters’ names in my head. I was corrected, but I will continue to use the wrong pronunciation and he will like it.

**If you don’t like her as a writer, that’s cool, I do. No judging.

Tonight is New Year’s Eve. For the past several years (this will be our eighth) Mister and I have made it sort of a stay at home function. Normally there are steaks and champagne and sometimes we even make it (and by we, I totally mean HE) to stay awake to watch the ball drop. Yes, we are very exciting. There are booked safari trips that roll through our pad to study us weekly; kind of like the lions of the Serengeti, but with less antelope. Tonight, I am not sure what we will do. Ideas were batted around and they all came back to staying at home, keeping it a “just us” function. Let’s be honest here. You guys remember that Operation Smiling Spouses thing that Dre and I cooked up to get a little bit of LIFE back into our lives? Well, that petered out after the San Antonio trip. We’ve done a few dinners here and there with the four of us but things with Mister have been kind of egg-shell-y. So the plans with Dre and his wife have suffered and Operation Smiling Spouses is kind of a bust. I miss Mister and I love him and I want to see the man I fell in love with shining out through those blue-grey eyes again. Please disregard my rant over 2009 yesterday, I am worried and heartsick. If you would, please pray/send good vibes and or energy towards Mister and I.

Yes, I sort of hid that little nugget in the midst of an entry that makes no sense. I am clear that I am trying to hide from the truth. Just let me have a little hope and maybe an “oh baby” in the comments. Love you all… bunches.

With hope and love, I bid you all adieu, until 2010.

About December 2009

This page contains all entries posted to Suzanna Danna in December 2009. They are listed from oldest to newest.

November 2009 is the previous archive.

January 2010 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

Powered by
Movable Type 3.35