Suzanna Danna

Expectations never verbalized. Most communication problems in work, life and relationships are based around expectations never verbalized.

This is my own opinion.

Neither women nor men are mind readers so if a woman has this thought in her mind that, “Oh, wow, look at the date. It’s the 10th, that means that in two weeks we will have been fucking/dating/married (to) each other for six weeks/months/years! I wonder what special thing he’ll surprise me with.” [dreamy expression] EEEEEEEEEEEEEhnnnn! (<-By the way, this is how I spell that WRONG! buzzer noise.) Totally wrong…. jackass. No, not you, that other douche over there, not paying attention to my little lesson.

I knew this girl in college, well, she was in college and I was married to a redneck emu farmer/night shift cop. Guess which one of us had the better set up? Anyway, moving on. This beautiful woman was fucked up when it came to men. She was statuesque, funny, charming, gorgeous and the way she ate everyday common food was like watching a burlesque show. Hot, and yet not revealing too much. If you know what I mean… [glaring at dude that dated one of my college roommates… with your flip top head chewing].

So, she was pretty, kind and had so much going for her, but for some reason she had a wire crossed where dudes were concerned. A guy would pay attention to her, she would fawn all over him like he was the last man on earth and she wasn’t this goddess of a woman. He would string her along and she would scramble for any bit of affection that he may toss her way. He would tell her that he wasn’t interested. And I swear to God, we had this conversation.

Gorgeous: Can I talk to you?
self: Sure.
Gorgeous: Okay, I know that you’ll tell me the truth* and I am just so mixed up.
self: What’s up sugar?
Gorgeous: Well, you know I’ve been seeing SAM** for a little while…
self: Yes.
Gorgeous: And I just don’t know what to doooooooo!
self: [I start to panic as she is getting upset and I was not comfortable with… um, emotions.] So… um… what did he say?
Gorgeous: That he didn’t love me.
self: I’m sorry; I know that must have hurt your feelings.
Gorgeous: But SUE… He didn’t mean it, I KNOW he didn’t mean it. I could see it in his eyes that he feels something for me! [commence to wailing]
self: Gorgeous?
Gorgeous: [sniff… sniff… two perfect tears roll down her poreless skin… blink… sniiffffff] Yes?
self: Um. If the guy said he didn’t love you, then suck it up and move on, he doesn’t love you. He didn’t deserve you anyway, what is he like three feet shorter than you?
Gorgeous: [Wailing]
self: Oh dude… um, I’m sorry. <pat pat pat> [Frantically looking around for help.]

*I hadn’t developed tact yet.
**Short Ass Man

That gorgeous woman had let that sawed off little shit use her and take advantage of her because she never told him up front, “Look man, I am into you, and I don’t do casual. Savvy?”

Now, let’s move on to lesson number two. Expectations verbalized and never met. Let’s say that we are in the movie When Harry Met Sally… to be honest, I am really not sure where this is going, it just seemed like the right movie reference to throw out for the moment. In the movie Harry and Sally had this ships passing in the night sort of relationship, they love each other… but never at the right time. They hate each other, that too is sort of messed up by timing. But in the end they are sitting on the bed, the timing is right for each of them, relationship wise and they decide to take the leap. But first they get the important shit out of the way, no comb-overs, never squish the toothpaste in the middle… always roll it from the bottom up, ect.

I know people who got all the important shit out of the way at the beginning of their relationships. I know people who got everything hammered out all the way down to IRA’s and which side of the bed is more important to sleep on. I know people who have downright over analyzed their expectations, and what’s more they have put that shit (by request) on paper… I am guessing for future reference.

What happens when those hammered out promises and written lists of expectations are met to the fullest extent for years and years and years, and then one day. No, not so much. Or at all really.

What do you do then?

Do you keep your mouth shut next time around or keep trying to hammer out the details until somebody really gets you and you get them?

Thoughts?

Discuss amongst yourselves.