Suzanna Danna

So, yeah. Anyway.

News? Um. Hmmmmm.

I got bangs. There’s been a bunch of snow and ice and stuff and I got stuck in an elevator. I pulled off a planning meeting with 2 dudes in between rolling brown outs that left us in the dark. I had amazing willpower not to yell, “BOOYAH! BITCHES!” to unsuspecting people when that meeting was over and the conference was planned. I need a cape or something. The office was closed for 4 days last week (yes, it was closed the day I got stuck in an elevator, woo.) I have an incredible crick in my neck and I cooked twice this past weekend for the first time in my new(ish) apartment.

Lessee, what else?

We celebrated my sister’s birthday at my parents’ house a few weekends back and it was awesome.

Y’all don’t care about any of this shit do you? You’re all like, make with the porn writing you little slacker! But I’m tapped out on that… for now (she said ominously.)

Today I had a few things to do. Thingy number one, a dental appointment at an ungodly hour. My teeth are sparkling y’all. See? (*ding*) I just smiled. Thingy number two, I got to have lunch with our birthday boy of the week, Dre. Raise the roof! What What!? Too white for that? Alrighty. Thingy number three, I had to go get some Christmas decorations back from a friend.

Ok. Ex friend. Here’s the thing. I had a very dear friend of mine break up with me. You heard me. She broke up with me. I even asked her, “Are you like (pause), breaking up with me?” “Yes” she replied.

Do y’all remember a few posts back when I was laying my issues all out on the table for everyone to look at, sift through and comment on? Yeah, one of those issues cost me a friend. Or it cost her. Whatever.

The issue is the one where I am all “not my problem, not my responsibility” but with LOVE. I know how things are when people get attached to someone who isn’t the best match for them. I get it. I know that it’s all Ron Burgundy up in this bitch and people are like, “Look! It’s the most glorious rainbow I’ve ever seen!” “Do me on it!” I have no problem with people getting what they want and liking what their getting. If you are pickin up what I am laying down. My thing, apparently, is not wanting to be put in the middle. Especially if it is all Melrose Place and Falcon Crest-y.

Short answer. I don’t do drama. I am too old. That and it makes my goiter flare up and my bunions, Oy!, don’t get me started.

Long answer, I don’t feel it is my place to police people when they are in a relationship. We are all adults here, right? RIGHT? Hey! Come back here. It’s not my business, right? It isn’t my job to be all, “O.M.G. did you SEE what so and so wrote on FaceBook!? Apparently he/she didn’t know about (insert random hook up and supposed love triangle here*).”

*Complete with diagrams, references, photos taken, screen shots of texts, the works… you get it.

So when some drama was being laid heavily at my feet and I accidentally stepped in it (my fault, I know. I KNOW.) I waded through it the most graceful and stone faced way I knew how. When that didn’t work, I let go of some people on FaceBook so I wouldn’t have to SEE the drama and then comment on it later when asked. Smart, right? Then I got an email from this person who was all, “What did I do? I thought we were better than that!” Then I got my ass handed to me for being mean and leaving people out of the loop or whatever. I really don’t know how this whole thing started. I just know it got ugly, and UGLY fast.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do. Mend fences, be diplomatic (“No, I don’t care who you are fucking or what you tell them**. Just leave me out of it.”) and to be honest with those in the mix. Not honest as in the above O.M.G. scenario. It is not my issue. I was just honest as in, “Hey, I mended fences with X, Y and Z. Just wanted to give you the heads up. If you wanna do the same, cool. If not, cool.”

**Angles weep at the sweetness of my words.

And… I got broken up with. She thought I was hiding something when I was really just trying to get out of her/their way.

So. When I swung by her house today and just wanted to snatch her up and hug her as opposed to being offered back some earrings I had given her it was awkward to say the least. I was stone faced and polite, she was stone faced and polite. I gathered up my belongings and was on my way.

I guess I don’t speak “girl” very well. Any pointers y’all wanna let me in on?

Also, I want a shirt that says, “I Make Nice Boys Cry.” That story for another time. Maybe.