Mascara on lashes and lipstick on kittens
Bright colored sweaters and being bitten
Brushing my hair being tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Products and lotions and high leather booties
Earrings and make up that make me look cute-y
Smacking my butt cheeks ‘til they fairly sting
These are a few of my favorite things
… Oh… hi… sorry, you caught me singing to myself. Remember the other day when we were talking about things getting clogged… toilet… slow drain in the tub. Well, I have been singing this little ditty (and variations thereof) in my head since Monday. Monday was the day of “ONCE YOU SEE IT, IT CAN NOT BE UNSEEN!”
My toilet was clogged again. AGAIN. I know, if I wouldn’t use a catcher’s mitt amount of toilet paper to protect my hand from pee, this wouldn’t happen. Whatever, it’s a quirk. Deal, okay? So, yeah, I was working away from home… toilet clogs, I call the people… the service people. Whoever they are, those guys that make living in an apartment awesome. I have a leak? “Hey, um… I have a leak.” Boom. Fixed. I have a clog? “Hi, yes, it’s clogged again.” Boom. Fixed. Those guys. So I called the people. “Hi, I have a clogged potty and the drain in the bathroom is slow.” “You have one bathroom only, yes?” “Yes.” “H’okay, we’ll be there soon.” “YAY!”
This Lilliputian man shows up and knocks. I have to open my door to see anything other than the top of his head as he was too short for the peephole. Pocket service man. He was carrying a plunger and two sets of pliers. The needle nosed pliers will be important in a few minutes. Remember them.
He nods up at me and smiles. I can see him thinking, “Oh great, just what I need, a big, fat chick who ate too much of her own Halloween candy calling me for a clogged toilet.” He was pleased (I’m going by the smile on his face) to get to the bathroom and find the water clear…. Just clogged. He took care to remove things from the back of the toilet, bath salts in a glass container ect. and remove the back lid. He flushed, plunged and was done in like 30 seconds. I gave him some paper towels and a plastic sack to put the plunger in and he turned his attention to the tub.
Now I have had these issues before (clogged toilet, slow drain), but I have never been there for the actual fixing of said issues.
This is important.
He reached into the tub and unscrewed the little stopper for the drain.
(Excuse me. I need to walk away for a moment.)
He used one set of pliers to take the stopper off and the other… the other to reach in and grab a giant mass of (Dear God, it looked like something from The Grudge) hair and with a gleeful grin, dropped it directly into the toilet and flushed it.
He went back from more and this time pulled out more hair that rivaled the size of an East Texas barn rat. He flushed this as well. I was thinking, “If that … (vurp/swallow) gets caught and clogs… I’m running for it….”
He went back a third time and rooted around for a moment with the awful noise of metal on metal on wet, moldy, HAIR and pulled out a third mound of… You know… I am pretty sure that he may have been fucking with me, because if I lost that much hair between this and the last time I called “the people” for my slow drain, I would be well and surely bald. But he hauled up another clump of … Lord. Yes, more hair, and I can guarantee you … Ok, I’m making myself sick about this… so let’s not talk about it anymore, and I’ll promise to not ever be home for “the people” for when they come back. Or I just won’t talk about it.
Ok, just one more thing. I’ve been having nightmares that the chick from The Ring is going to do that weird jerky crawl thing out of my well toilet/TV in the middle of the night and breathe on me.
Happy Halloween!
BTW… I still have all of my candy left. Not one trick or treater. I would like to take the time to blame this on me following Steam Me Up Kid and Gween Brick on FaceBook and giggling maniacally while sitting on the porch. Yeah, that could be it.