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March 7, 2012

Midlife Crisis and Kerr Krew Weekend

Holy shit snacks.

I am so freaking wired. I haven’t had anything to eat today, but I did drink my instant VIA coffee. Caffeine and sugar… on an empty stomach. I am so rattled and shaky. My attention span is that of … HEY LOOK! A squirrel!

Also (WARNING) I have been weaning myself off of my current anti-anxiety meds (Nirivam, 2mg, 2 pills a day) and switching over to some other anti-anxiety med (Celexa… we know I’m crazy, yes?). So, hi, I am an anxiety riddled, insomniac, crazy person coming off a narcotic. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I am losing weight by the ass load. I can’t fill up a normal bra anymore. Lord. I haven’t been smoking as much (didn’t smoke Saturday or Sunday… my first smoke on Monday was at 8:30 pm) and I can smell things… things that are making me want to hurl.

Just went down to get a sandwich from the deli, and the smell of it makes me want to vomit.

This is not pretty.

Also, Weetacon is coming up and for some reason I am freaking the fuck out.

Oh, wait. It’s the standard pre-Weetacon excitement/dreaded packing phase. Also, see above… weaning myself off a narco… also, will someone PLEASE give me something other than this sandwich? I swear, it is just a normal sandwich, meat, cheese, veggies, but it smells like hotdog water.

Could I USE the word ALSO one more time!? Yes. Yes, I can.

I think I am having a mid life crisis. The reasons I think this are thusly:
1) I have my nails and toes colored dark blue.
2) I have colored my hair a dark red.
3) I got purple extensions after the deal with that person from two posts ago. Why they are related, I’m not sure. Just had the extensions removed last week. I miss them already.
4) I have been researching doctors to do tummy tucks in the DFW area. No seriously, I’m not kidding.
5) I rarely, if ever, want to leave my little sanctuary of an apartment anymore. This could be the anxiety talking or my just seriously being completely over the whole traveling an insane amount for my job.
6) I am waffling on whether or not to contact said person from two posts ago. I unblocked him on GTalk this afternoon, not that I am online so often, but with the replacement of the phone, my last link was severed with the blackberry messenger being replaced with Siri*. It’s been WEEKS and no contact. It makes me insane that no emails or phone calls have been made from his side. Why? We’ve already been over this. I’m crazy. Also, I miss the friend I used to have. Can I get that back? Hardly likely. Also, I am a pussy.

*I got a new phone a few weeks ago (like 5). The 4s and Siri isn’t as much my bitch as I would like for her to be.

See? Told you I could use the word “also” again.

I really want to eat this sandwich, I need to eat this sandwich, I just don’t want to toss my cookies when I open the container and the full aroma hits me. I almost got sick last night after drinking fruit juice. FRUIT JUICE. Seriously. I have the leg shake thing in full swing. I had a 4 day migraine** from Thursday of last week. It has subsided to a dull roar.

**I am such a weak assed individual for even putting this in here. Explanation below.

Stacey, bless her heart, is having surgery on her (FUCKING!) neck tomorrow at 3pm CST. Please everyone, send thoughts, prayers, good juju to her. She has a herniated disc that has been causing her to have a migraine for six weeks straight complete with nausea, arm numbness and tingling, dizziness and an array of unpleasantries. The herniation is going into her spinal column and pressing on nerves that are responsible for the migraine, the arm stuff and the nausea and the dizziness.

Speaking of Stacey, we missed her during the Kerr Krew weekend that we had out at Log Country Cove on Lake LBJ. She couldn’t make it. (Stupid neck herniation… is herniation even a word?). Did I even tell y’all about that? I may have mentioned it in my previous post about Vag. (Checking.)

Nope, no mention. Okay… so.

(Just drank some water, then sniffed the sandwich container, heaved… put it down. Nope, not gonna happen. Wrote on container with permanent marker… AHHHH! The smell of the marker! Put container in kitchen fridge, got more water, oh yay! I have a SlimFast in here. Heave.)

The Kerr Krew Weekend. This was awesome sauce (except that Stacey wasn’t there). It started out with 10 of the original ladies then whittled down to seven that could actually go. It was Kerry, Steph, Ginger, Marley, Jalena, Tina and me. The ladies that were missing: Stacey, Amy and Nancy. Life happens, we know. We blew up Erin’s phone and then realized she had given her old phone to her son (Thank God it was before Marly started sexting her in spite.) and we got her new number and harassed the shit out of her Saturday evening.

Kerry planned this awesome weekend outside of Burnet, Texas… It was just shy of a four hour drive from Dallas. We were all in and the price was a steal. The place slept 10 comfortably and had a hot tub, was like 300 feet from the cove and had a deck and large kitchen, 3 full bathrooms and 1 half bath off the kitchen. It was so awesome that we’ve already booked it for the same time next year. WOOO!

We got down there Friday afternoon and all figured out where to sleep and then we started drinking (Kerry, Ginger and I were the only smokers) and Marly was making her freshly squeezed Ruby Red Grapefruit and Vodka awesomeness drinks for several of us, Jalena was drinking Crown and coke and none of us are sure what Tina was drinking, but by 9:30 she had gotten to 3rd base with about 4 people and licked my eye when I turned my head.

By 10 pm, I was placing a chair under the bathroom knob each time Tina went to the restroom off the kitchen so she would think the door was stuck. Ginger had the brilliant plan to hold the door shut with a foot, remove the chair, then everyone got away from the door to add to Tina’s confusion when she finally got out. Holy shit, that was funny as hell. I can’t help it. I get the giggles every time I look at the videos from my phone. Shit yes, I filmed it, and SHIT YES we did it more than once. Nearly causing Marly to pee in her britches and pulling some sort of muscle in my … lower belly area from laughing so hard. Fucking with the over friendly drunk girl is hysterical to me.

Hi Tina… Love you. Do you read my site?

Especially when in the second video Vag is at the bathroom door “helping” Tina by making her yell, “Dear baby Jesus, please let me out…. Praise God, Hallelujah!”


I would SO post that video to share with y’all if she weren’t a teacher. Or her husband wasn’t military. I have standards, fuckers.

She passed out on the couch by 11:30 Friday night.

The next day most of the group went to the caverns nearby to hike through the underground … um… caverns. Marly and I went shopping for our evening snacks/supper, yo… and Tina, poor thing, wasn’t feeling too well, stayed at the cabin to rest.

We had a sunset by the water happy hour planned. I took some of the most beautiful pictures. I swear… it was gorgeous. Getting there was half the problem. The map we had was old and the directions were sketchy, we started out with the seven of us walking. Everyone had their red solo cup (que singing… “Red Solo cup! I fill you up!”) filled with their favorite beverage (which happened to be my favorite Firefly sweet tea and lemonade vodka… I’m fancy, and lazy… and apparently cheap), and Marly brought along the bubbly with more cups to have a toast at sunset.

We got side tracked several times on the way because… well for a variety of reasons. Some were already tipsy, some were easily distracted (oh look! A Squirrel!) and others got caught up in the motherfucking awesome ass swings that they had all over the place. SWINGS!!!!!!! Yay!

I guess you can tell which group I was in.

Yes, all three.

So we finally gave up, trudged back to the cabin, climbed into Tina’s big SUV (she was the only one not drinking) and drove over to the office area.

We parked and walked behind the office to find (SWINGS!) a beautiful dock with seating and lights. We crowded around one circle iron table and toasted to a beautiful evening and awesome friends.

View image

(Seriously? What is up with the “view image” bullshit?)

I can’t wait to do it again.

Love you ladies!

PS: Seriously y’all. Please pray/send good vibes/send good thoughts/good juju for Stacey tomorrow. AND her doctors. Thank you in advance. MWAH! Love you, you look hot in those pants.

March 14, 2012

Happy Pi Day!

Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi…. Hi… (poke poke) Hi… Hi?

Happy Pi Day!

Come this time next week (Wednesday), I will be in freaking GREEN BAY!


I am excited and freaking out a little. I haven’t started packing. I haven’t even started my packing spreadsheet. I need to put together an 80’s look… I’ve never really been a trendy dresser, so this may be a little challenging. If I just toss my hair up in a banana clip, wear blue eye shadow, blue eye liner, humongous jewelry and MASSIVE amounts of mascara I’ll nail it, yes? No? Suggestions of what to wear would be welcome. Bonus if you know my closet and its contents and want to help. Come over, I’ll provide drinks.

Why am I going to Green Bay? Phhffttt. You are apparently new. I’m going for Weetacon. Jealous? Come with me next year. It’s fabulous.

I started going in 2007 and have only missed one year (glares at 2008) and I hope to never miss it again. It is a remarkable time of fun, laughter, drinking, games, dancing, a fashion show with AMAZING garments from IGIGI and cheese.

I have been looking forward to this extended weekend since I left Green Bay last year. If I have said it once, I will say it a hundred times. Every time I go to Green Bay, regardless of time of year (March, July, September, really any time), it gets harder and harder to leave.

This weekend Nugget and I will be at the Hilton Anatole for a spa weekend* that I won (:: ahem::) LAST YEAR. It will be the longest time that we have spent around each other, well, ever. (Stumbles to nearest fainting couch with back of hand to forehead, calling out quietly, “Heaven’s to Betsy!”… Swoon… and scene.)

*double fist pump

Let me back up for a minute and catch you all up to speed on the post from… um, three entries ago? When I admitted to cutting my friend out of my life because of blah blah blah, whatever, I’m bored talking about it. Then last entry I came clean about unblocking said person from GTalk. (Because I’m weak, bitch, that’s why.) The next day, after unblocking, said person spent a large chunk of time (I’ll take “What is ALL Day? For $800, Alex.”) apologizing to me for behavior/words ect. and us basically working our shit out, yo.

My dear friend Kerry called me this week to find out how thing have been going with the saga. Her firm position on all things related to this has been, “Believe people when they show you how they are.” (Stern face… of JUSTICE.) So when I told her that it was nice, that he and I had come to an understanding, things were better than they had been in a long time, that we spoke honestly and painfully (but refreshingly) about things that needed to be cleared up and I was very relieved.

She asked me why I thought this time would be any different. I mentioned that the person in question had said that he was sorry for giving me “half ass” for WAY too long, taking me for granted and it would not happen again. She called me out and said, “Aren’t you doing the same thing to Nugget?”

See? Y’all? This is why I love my friends. You know I appreciate all cards on the table, and you know I like when people are straight shooters and regardless if it is a taboo subject or not, they are free to speak their minds with me. I don’t play games, we are all too old for that and it is just exhausting.

I know I am giving Nugget half ass**. You all know I am giving Nugget half ass. Nugget knows I am giving him half ass, so does Kerry, but for some reason this triggered me to raise my voice to her and start cursing. Defensive much? No. Shut up. (PS: I love you.)

** Let me be clear. Nugget (aka, Cute Boy) only gets half ass when he is not with me in person, on Saturdays (normally). In person, I am all in. During the week I am more invested in work and or friends.

I started in with, “Just why in the hell should I give him 100% when I feel I am lower than his dog in his list of motherfucking priorities?” She replied, “But you’re doing the same thing to him that was done to you.” I came back with, “AND!?” This is where I started to raise my voice. She asked, “Is that fair?” I got a little loud when I replied, “Fair to whom? Fair to the man who is getting all sorts of awesome lovin weekly on Saturdays, who can call when he wants, come and go when he wants and doesn’t have some fucking girl hanging off of his neck and under his feet. That man has it so good that I am enabling him to never have to change a fucking thing!” She asked me if I wanted something more in the future. I quieted down and replied, “Sure, someday, maybe. I dunno. I mean, I don’t HAVE to have a man in my life, I just sorta want one.”

She went on to say that I would probably never have a future with Nugget. Duly noted my friend, I never really planned on him being someone I grew old with when I started sleeping with him back in 2010. I just wanted some lovin, figured it would be good to just kind of ask for what I wanted, nothing more. So I did. Over a year and a half later, that is exactly what I have. But my friends worry, I am sure.

I tend to be an all or nothing type of person, so I can see why they would be concerned. But on this subject I am just not 100% invested. Nugget is a sweet, dear man who is kind and gentle. But yeah, he’s got enough baggage to rent space so I just let him have time. Y’all remember what happened when we tried the boyfriend/girlfriend thing last year, right? Yeah, it started to end*** with this entry right here.

***Make sense?

Well, that really wasn’t the END end of it. That was before the drama of the week of Labor Day, which culminated in me printing out an 8x5 index card with 10 bullet points (to match his 5 bullet points – not the 1400 words in an email - from October of 2010) on why the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing was NOT working.

I didn’t write about any of this. Sorry.


This entry is starting to unravel. Or maybe it is just my attention span.

…. Hey look! A chicken!

I can’t really wrap this up all nice and neat with a bow as I did not keep you all up to speed on what was going on when or with whom.

Suffice it to say, I am glad my friend is back in my life. I have missed him. We went 6 weeks without speaking. I hated every second of it.

Nugget is a sweet man, a dear friend who I am giving half ass to… I have been called out on it by Kerry and I got all defensive. I have my reasons for keeping my distance emotionally. He may deserve more than what I am giving him, but from where I stand in his list of priorities (seriously, check out that link) I think I am doing well to not try and be everything to someone I am just “something” to. You know?

I am going to Green Bay next week.

The end.

March 19, 2012

Weetacon Mini Freak Out and St. Patty's RunDown

Monday. Yep. I’m in the office and storms are comin. We have already had one power outage already today and it is not even 2pm. I have updated my Weetacon packing list and need to work on that stuff tonight when I get home tonight. I’m a little freaked out because the high there is supposed to be 81 ͦ on Wednesday and, y’all… that just ain’t right. We have been instructed by the goddess herself, Weetabix, to make sure we closely monitor the weather in Green Bay and probably bring rain gear. Rain gear. Hmmm.

I am not an owner of rain gear. I have umbrellas stashed all over the place and my take on rain is “eh, I’m not gonna melt or anything.” So I normally just run through it. I may take off my shoes and go barefoot to run from building to garage, to car to… wherever. Because I’m positively BRIMMING with etiquette. But to plan for a whole weekend with outdoor activities? (Let’s be honest, I will be there from Wednesday through Sunday… it’s more than a weekend.) I may need a slicker or something. I will definitely need the waterproof mascara.

Speaking of: I tried NYC Big Bold Mascara, and I put it to the test this weekend. EPIC FAIL. I have never had a product fail the “Susan packing in a hurry, getting bajiggety and therefore sweating profusely about the hairline” situation. This one? Failed and failed mightily. Twice. Packing to GO to my little staycation with Nugget and then packing to COME BACK. It gave me raccoon eyes and I had to lick my finger and pull my delicate eye tissue back and forth to get it off, then reapply powder. Not a good product. Back to L’Oreal’s VOLUMINOUS, I go. If you are not a head/face sweaty mess while wearing this product, I am sure it would be fine. Maybe. (She said ominously.)

Update on Stacey: Hi Stacey! She is home (was able to go home the day after her surgery) and she is feeling better than ever except for her large neck brace. It makes me sad to think of her in an uncomfortable neck brace that is making it easy for her to heal, but rough for her to rest and sleep. So, I like to think of her with one of those cones that you put on your animal so they will not bite/lick/pull at their place of incision after surgery. Maybe a small window cut out of the front for her television viewing pleasure. (Have been trying to recreate the picture with MS Paint to no avail. Woe. Because that would have made her laugh. :) )

My best effort.

View image

Stacey and I at a bar somewhere… Shocker. “Cone” added by me.


Back to the weekend staycation with Nugget.

It was fabulous. Absolutely Fabulous. We had a blast. Got there Friday evening after dinner (which in hindsight we both agree that we should have just gone there first and had dinner on site.) and checked into our King Suite with an amazing view of the Dallas skyline. Our amenity was a nice bottle of champagne and yes, dammit, I kept the cork. We sipped on our champagne as we went over our plan for the next morning. We would get up for a nice breakfast at the Terrace Grill and then we had 80 minute massages scheduled for noon.

That’s really all we had scheduled because we figured that the rest of the time we would either go out and see Chant at one of his many (3) gigs during Saturday or we would stay in house because, dur, it was St. Patty’s day and Dallas people get a case of the Cra-Cra when green beer is involved. Also, we had planned to have all the sex in the world.

Saturday morning we got up and showered, cursed at the suck ass bed (oh, the horror, seriously, it was painful to sleep upon (good thing there wasn’t a lot of THAT goin on, if you know what I mean (wink wink))) and went for our breakfast and then on to our massages. The massages were completely lovely. We both felt like Jello-O when we were done but stopped off at one of two grand pianos that we found on property and let him play and sing for about an hour. Yes, I have video of that. No, I don’t have a video of all the sex in the world that we had when we decided to go back to the room.

Around 9pm (seriously, All the Sex in the World) we decided that it would be prudent to get cleaned up again, and go find something to put in our bellies. So we showered and got pretty and decided to stay on property as opposed to fighting the hoards of people at the bajillionty restaurants on restaurant row a few miles from us. Good thing too, as we discovered that the food at the grill we popped into was AMAZEBALLS. The delicate shrimp spring rolls with the sweet chili sauce and the peanut oil cabbage and red and green pepper salad? NOM. The medium rare burger with smokehouse bacon, Wisconsin cheddar and the spicy mustard? Double NOM. The side of mac and cheese that I am pretty sure was made by some Scientist when they said, “Think of the word awesome… now makes something taste like THAT.” Delicious. (NOM!)

We wandered around the atrium (one of several) on property, took goofy self portraits of ourselves and watched this thing.

The Nebula.

Pretty awesome, right? It was a beautiful evening and we went back upstairs to… yeah, you guessed it. The next morning, we woke up early and … ok, now I’m just bragging… before we cleaned up and went to breakfast, had steak and eggs and then packed up to come home.

This morning, Kerry texted me and I replied.

View image

She hasn’t responded.

Wish me luck for Weetacon! WOOOOOOO!

March 29, 2012

Can I Have a Hug?

I am wearing a dress today. I know, right? It is so freaking humid that when I got out of the shower this morning, my face immediately began to sweat. Around my hairline was hot as a light bulb that has been left on for too long. My face was clean and an alarming shade of pink. The air conditioner was set to 68 and I had to lie on the bed, under the fan (on high) for about 10 minutes before I could moisturize. So, yeah, today called for “nothing touching my legs” sort of fashion. I have on a maxi dress that I bought while in the company of Kerry last year. I also wore it to a wedding last June. It is sort of revealing in the cleav-area, so I wore a tank top under it. And because I’m a little uncomfortable with people looking at my arms*, I put a small sweater over it. So now? I have on three layers… and flip flops. But I’m freaking adorable, and no one has asked me if I have an interview today (since I have stepped off the path of my normal Geranimals for Adults style). Win/win, fuckers.

*I have an alarming amount of small bruises all over my body; my right arm is spotted with little bruises that are not attractive. Under right arm? Check. Elbow (both)? Check. Wrists? Yup. Abdomen? Um hmm. Legs? Dear Lord, who beat you with a small mallet? I believe most of these were sustained while traveling.

Traveling you ask? Yes. Traveling. Last week was Weetacon and it was LOVELY. I will regale you all with a tale about the weekend in the next post or two, but right now? I am missing my tribe like WHOA and I am a little fragile. The post-Weetacon blues has set in. And the only thing that has kept me from the subsequent wailing and gnashing of teeth on this here site, was the wee, tenuous thread of dignity I still have left.

Let’s just say that I love Green Bay with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. It is not just my Weetacon time (which is freaking A-MAZE-ing! SING IT!**). It is every time I have ever been to Wisconsin. So? I applied for a job in Madison on Tuesday. Yeah, I’m sure that is a check mark box for insanity right there, but whatever. I did it.


I also need to suggest that you all go out and buy this A-MAZE-ing** (no, I won’t stop saying that) game ever. Seriously. We played this game on the bus and at Scooty Bon Bon***’s house on Sunday. Check it.
Cards Against Humanity
A quote from their site.

What is Cards Against Humanity?
Cards Against Humanity is a party game for horrible people.
Unlike most of the party games you've played before, Cards Against Humanity is as despicable and awkward as you and your friends.
The game is simple. Each round, one player asks a question from a Black Card, and everyone else answers with their funniest White Card.

A party game for horrible people. Totally makes you wanna play, doesn’t it? It was HI-larious. Trust me on this. Order it from Amazon, or make it yourself. I suggest ordering it for the low low price of $25, because, then? You will have a nice little box to keep all of the awesome inside. AND, you don’t have to go through reams of card stock and cursing at your offices’ weak ass paper cutter with the wonky blade arm. Just sayin.

***I was texting to Scotty Boom Boom and this popped out of my thumbs. I was a little drinky, it fit. It also made me giggle. And he didn’t protest too terribly much when I started calling him Scooty. Until it caught on with Tex… and THEN I saw his eyes tighten around the corners a bit. Sorry man. (Sorta, because it still makes me giggle.)

Also? Bees?????****

****It’ll be funny later. Or not. Whateves…

Will catch up to y’all shortly when I don’t feel like a ravenous teenage Tasmanian devil that has been shot full of horse tranquilizers and rhino estrogen along with a nice stimulant to keep me from sleeping. SINCE SUNDAY1.

And? I have been having nightmares2 of my ex-husband showing up in my dreams when I am fighting off drug lords with my bullwhip (???) and he’s all casual, “Will you make me a sandwich?” Me: “You are NOT supposed to BE HERE.” (cut to me using a Stihl chainsaw and making mincemeat out of my opponents at the lumberjack competition… because losers get SHOT…) Him: “Did you put away my laundry?” Me: “YOU are NOT supposed to BE HERE!” (cut to me loading a canon for the pirate ship that is coming about…) Him: “What are we going to have for dinner?” Me: “I SAID… YOU!areNOT!supposedtoBE!HERE!... ARRRRRRRGGHHH!!!!!!!”

And apparently I morphed into a swashbuckling pirate-tess in that last dream. (eyeroll)

(footnote: 2 would explain 1.)

About March 2012

This page contains all entries posted to Suzanna Danna in March 2012. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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