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April 5, 2012

40 days of 40!

Yanno what’s really odd? I am comfortable with the fact that I will be forty in 36 days. YUP. Forty. I had to get used to it as my Kerr Krew and I celebrated our 40th birthdays in style earlier this year. We have also been getting together for birthday dinners for one friend or another since last fall.

I took off work tomorrow because my daddy is smoking some ribs for me for my birthday dinner. My sister’s family all had Good Friday off, so we’re all headed to my parents’ place for the weekend. Daddy wanted to cook for me and I requested his famous and fabulous, fall off the bone, holy crap that’s amazing! ribs. And y’all? I don’t normally ear bar-b-que. The Texas BBQ Commission tried to take away my Texan membership card because of that fact alone. But when my daddy makes his ribs? I eat so much that I just lay on the floor, moaning, holding my full belly with my mouth open hoping someone will drop some more of that sweet sweet rib meat into my gaping maw.

This may be a slight exaggeration as most people who know me, and have eaten with me will attest to my weird eating habits. I pick. I scoot stuff around on my plate and Dear Baby Jesus, never go to Arby’s with me as I deconstruct my sandwich and then remake it to my personal (CRAZY!) specifications.

But I really do love the ribs that my daddy cooks.

And no, I refuse to apologize for being a grown ass woman who calls her father “daddy”. It’s charming,… shut up… it IS.

Back to the birthday…

Yes, I will be 40, and I am okay with it.

The coolest thing happened.

On Sunday my sister and her loving husband came over to “drop something off”. I had no idea that they would be arriving with a surprise. I opened the door to find the two of them holding bags and bags, seriously, of presents and with my parents on the phone via speaker. They entered and my folks were shouting “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” and then my sister told me that the next day would kick off the 40 Days of 40! Each day I would open a present, and they were marked, Day 1- Day 40. I couldn’t peek at the bags and I had to do them in order. It is the coolest thing. I started Monday and I am on Day 4. I have opened things varying from 2 packs of smokes (“One for each of the 40 days!”) to forty mini bottles of bubbles (“Because you’re so bubbly and fun!”) It is the sweetest thing and I am really excited about my birthday.

Stacey and Kerry turned 40 last year and Dre turned 40 in February. Nugget and I are 3 days apart. He’s the “older man”, so we are both turning 40. Stephanie and Ginger are the babies with August and September 40th birthdays.

So I have finally come to the conclusion that I am okay with my age, but I am not ok with how I feel right now.

And because of that… I have to admit something. I have been avoiding y’all. I need to write about Green Bay and how amazing the weekend was. But I can’t get out of my own way right now. Something is off.

It has been off, well, for a while now. I think it started when I began to come off the Nirivam. I had been on it for (searching the archives… HOLY SHIT) for five years. And my new Doctor, a kindly, middle-aged, Indian man… asked me to switch meds. To recap… a quote from 3/7: “…I have been weaning myself off of my current anti-anxiety meds (Nirivam, 2mg, 2 pills a day) and switching over to some other anti-anxiety med (Celexa… we know I’m crazy, yes?). So, hi, I am an anxiety riddled, insomniac, crazy person coming off a narcotic. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I am losing weight by the ass load. I can’t fill up a normal bra anymore. Lord…”

That is putting it mildly. Last Saturday I had the shakes like a crack baby and embarrassed myself something good trying to cut a stuffed jalapeño from Kenny’s Burger Joint (NOM!!!!!!!!) in 1/4ths. It was spectacularly bad. Like Tourette’s-y bad.

I haven’t been sleeping, as the shakes keep me awake with the (motherfucking) muscles spasms and limb jerking. It is exhausting, it is like seizing but being completely aware the whole freaking time. I can’t stand this. My heart pounds. I am worried that I am in danger of a heart attack because my heart pounds so hard at night that it rocks my body. My tongue is coated in some weird film. It doesn’t matter how often I brush my teeth and my tongue. Speaking of my tongue, it is too big for my mouth. Yes, seriously. I have little shred marks on the sides of it where it rubs against my (BIG SHARP POINTY!) teeth at night. I have weird numbness in my face (forehead), my scalp, the back of my neck and the outsides of my hands and feet.

Apparently I am falling apart.

I went to see my Dr. on Tuesday after a particularly bad evening the night before. I was shaky, my head was pounding and so was my heart. I just wanted to make sure he was aware of what was going on with this whole… getting off a narco thing. Why yes, that DID happen to be the day that multiple tornados touched down in DFW. This will be important in a minute.

I told the kind dr. what was going on, he nodded and steepled his fingers, his eyes narrowed in concern as he listened then listed my complaints on my chart. He then said the thing I was hoping for, but needed validation in the form of my medical professional telling me that I wasn’t insane. The items I listed above are all symptoms of coming off a narcotic. He suggested that I came off of it too fast and suggested that I go back on the half pill or a ¼ pill for a little while longer. I staunchly refused. He commended my will power and asked how the Celexa was working. I asked him what it was supposed to do. He said, “Help you with your anxiety and let you sleep.” I guffawed heartily. He did show concern about the whole heart pounding so hard it rocked my body thing. And ordered an EKG.

As his nurse walked in she was visibly nervous about the black sky beyond the 3rd floor window panes that were covering half of 2 walls of the little exam room. She said “Oh Sushaaan, you are not SKAAAHRED, but I yam… oh, I YAM.” I told her that there was no need to worry yet. She asked why, I pointed to the sky and said, “Well, I don’t worry until the sky is green.” She relaxed and said, “Really!?” Like a child that was just told that it was ok to stay up past their bedtime.

She felt me up hooked me up to the machine and then started the process. It was going well until … the sirens started screaming. For some reason she relaxed as I tensed up. She told me why she was relaxed. “Oh, that’s good, the alarms sound when everything is ok… yes?” I replied, “Um, no.”

Good thing the EKG results did not show my terror, or my shakiness… as they were spot on perfect. I still have an amazing heart and the good dr. told me as much as he commented on my weight loss and the things I have been doing right. Now, believe you me… this weight loss is not on purpose, and if he knew what was really going on (oh hell no I didn’t tell him about this next part) I am sure he would have had something to say.

According to my scale, I have lost 19 pounds. According to the kind doctor’s scale, I have lost only 11 pounds since the end of January… because his scale is a fucking liar. This is not good and healthy weight loss, this is water weight or muscle or ketosis or something that has to do with being shaky, losing your appetite, not eating and having water poo for months on end. Hi! I am not healthy! Also, getting off the Nirivam may have caused my thyroid medication to kick in, therefore causing a serious spike in my metabolism and thereby jacking my shit all to hell.

I’ll get out of my own head in a while, but for now, please forgive me for holding out on you about Weetacon.

April 10, 2012

IGIGI Rundown and a Chance to WIN!!!!! (Yell it like Oprah!)

Awesomesauce, thy name is IGIGI.

So this year at Weetacon several of the ladies got to participate in the IGIGI Fashion show and wear some beautiful clothes. I was so excited when Weetabix contacted us and asked us if we wanted to participate. Did I ever!? Answer: YES!

I have been lucky enough to participate in the IGIGI fashion show twice before and I am always in awe of the fabulousness of the materials, cut and drape of the IGIGI garments.

Ladies, I don’t know if you are a size 2 or a size 32. If you fall in the range of 14-32 there should never be a question of where you purchase your standard go-to’s in your closet or your special pieces for amazing occasions. You should always turn to IGIGI for your clothing needs.

I have several things to say, and I will harp on this repeatedly below… BUT… please hear these few points. Do you want clothing that fits your body (as a plus sized woman this is sometimes rough to do)? Do you want clothing that is travel friendly? Do you want to feel fabulous in what you wear? Please just go to IGIGI’s site, purchase ONE staple for your closet (black skirt/top/jacket/pants… whatever is your comfort “go to” garment) and try it out. You will find yourself wearing the hell out of IGIGI stuff in no time. Yes, it is more expensive than the clearance rack for Lane Bryant… I KNOW. But… seriously, listen to me. It is SO freaking worth it.

My magnificent grandmother always said, “Trends come and go, dress classically and spend a little more on your clothes, it will be worth it because in the end… they will last.” I cannot say this enough, y’all, these clothes are draped for plus sized women. They are sexy, classic, timely, body conscious, do not need to be dry cleaned (most of the time), can be balled up in a suitcase and then worn immediately and not look like you just crawled out of an overhead bin, the materials are breathable and lovely to feel (if you are a tactile junkie, like me) and the most important. They last forever.

I decided to crawl out of my comfort zone (of black pants, black shoes, a twin set… and GO!) because (YAWN!) Booooooooooooring! So, I asked to wear the Minnelli Sequins Skirt in Black. Oh My Gopher. Seriously. The (sexy) little skirt that has just enough (jazz hands) pizzazz to amp up any occasion, but not too gaudy looking. If I think sequins, I immediately think of Cee Lo Green or Michael Jackson’s sock and/or glove (because I am ancient) and the look to me normally is, “Oh hell no.” This skirt? It is sequins, yes, and it jacks the awesome factor up to eleven because, y’all? The material is fabulous and the sequins (I still can’t believe I ordered a sequin skirt) are small, and not crazy reflective. They add just the right amount of sparkle to an everyday separate and make it amazing. Not like you are secretly hoping to be Liberace’s stand in.

So to answer the question, “What did you like about the garment?” My first answer would be – The fabric. Have y’all ever touched sequin material before? This is the opposite of that. Scratchy? No. Hot? No. Heavy? No. That is what surprised me the most is that the fabric is so freaking friendly. It drapes, it is a little stretchy and it is not cheap looking. It is lovely.

“Was there anything you'd like to be different about the garment (ex. did it fit ok? Was it too long? Did you need a special bra or foundation?) and how will you compensate for that (ex. Get it hemmed)” I made a mistake with this garment. I ordered the size I thought my ass was. Um. Apparently I am not that size anymore. It was way too big… too long, too wide, ect. So I rolled that puppy up about 3 times, and walked that runway of the Waterford room like I was comfortable with my arms showing. Booyah.

I will defiantly have to have the skirt hemmed and I hope it is not too expensive, but like most clothing that really fits me (small waist, BIG ass, long legs, short torso) I am used to having things tweaked.

“What was your impression of the value for the retail price? (I.E. did it look like something you'd buy at Walmart or something you'd buy at Barney's New York?)” This skirt retails for $90 dollars. I believe that it will last for a bajillion years if I take care of it. I won’t be able to ball this one up like I can with my wrap dresses and IGIGI tops. I will have to be gentle with it. It is sequins, dur. So because of the feel of the fabric and how it drapes I would say that this garment is spot on cost wise. I would pay more for a skirt like this. I know, I’m not made of money and currently have not won the lottery (aka “redneck retirement fund”), but I know quality when I see it and feel it.

“Where do you envision yourself wearing this garment during your real life off of the Weetacon runway?” I envision myself wearing this garment to work (I will so get the “what is the special occasion?” harassment, SO WORTH IT.), out on the town, to special engagements like the theater. I believe that because I live in Texas, this will be a year round go to garment. Hopefully people won’t get tired of it as I am planning on wearing the crap out of it.

“How will you accessorize this outfit and make it your own?” It is black (fabulous) and therefore can be worn with almost anything. In my humble opinion. I think I will wear it with twin sets, sweaters, maybe a t-shirt and a jean jacket with sandals. I think I can dress it up with a twin set and pearls or a velvet jacket in the winter. Or make it all casual for a night at the movies with Nugget. Yes, it is that comfortable.

“Bonus question: how many other Igigi garments do you currently have in your closet?” I have many pieces from IGIGI. I got my first few in… I believe 2006 and they have been irreplaceable to me. The first one is a black and cream paisley, ¾ sleeve, lace trim, pseudo wrap top in a lovely silky material that I wear all the freaking time. If I were to count I would have to say I have (counting on fingers… and toes…) I believe… twelve garments.

I ended up giving this pretty sequin skirt to LadyLoo and because she way tall (yes, I am tall… but that lady has legs for DAYS!) and she rocked it for the evening of our 80’s party. It looked gorgeous on her. She is also FREAKING Awesome for ordering me the skirt in an 18/20. If you are looking on IGIGI’s site, please read the reviews of each garment. I should have ordered a size (or two) down, according to the reviews. When will I ever listen?

I know. It’s fabulous, right!?

Want a chance to shop at Igigi on us? Just go to the Igigi website, pick out the garment you'd love to have for your very own and leave a comment here on this post, telling me exactly how you'd accessorize your new Igigi fashion and where you plan to wear it. One lucky commenter will receive a free $50 gift certificate. But wait, that's not all. Each of our Weetacon Igigi reviewers will be giving away a $50 gift certificate to Igigi, so you can enter by leaving one comment on each of those reviews too. Yes, you read this right: Weetacon and Igigi are giving away over $1000 in Igigi by Yuliya Raquel gift certificates! The only catch is that you must enter by May 15 and you can only enter once per review. Winners will be announced on Weetacon Igigi review page by May 18th.

FCC-liciousness: (ganked from Karen’s site (don’t judge me.)) The [skirt] in this entry was provided to me for review purposes by Igigi. The content of this entry was not dictated by Igigi; I get to keep the [skirt] for my personal use.

Updated to add this awesome photo.

Weetabix tweeted this on the evening of Wednesday the 21st of March. We were playing with the garments and putting peoples' names on the tags and I found my skirt... and was lunging around her home kicking and shouting "IIIIIIII'm FORTY!"

UPDATE 5/17/12
Gwen is the WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! of the IGIGI giveaway!
Congratulations Gwen!

April 20, 2012

Wordy Dry Humping (Not As Satifying as the Real Thing)

I have been thinking about this for almost a month. Yes, a month. It has been almost that long since I went to Green Bay for Weetacon. I haven’t written about it yet as I am not sure what I want to share, as it is sort of like when a white man takes a picture of a Native American and “steals part of his soul” type of thing. It was my experience and I kind of don’t want to share… because I am selfish. That may make NO sense to you if you are not in some way crazy.

Here, let me share my crazy with you.

I share (some things) well with others. Sometimes.

I’ll ease into it*. How about that?

*That’s what your mom said.

So over the past month (I cannot believe time is going so fast… apparently that is what happens when you are officially OLD as SHIT.) I have had some incredible things happen. I told y’all about going to the Anatole with Nugget (mmmmm sexy time) and I told you about packing for Green Bay. I have not, however, told you guys about the 40 Days of 40, Easter, the Mavs game… or my secret admirer. Let’s get started.

The 40 Days of 40** is amazing.

**Whoops, I just realized I already told y’all about this… But I DID NOT give you a photo. (Sorry about the “view image” bullshit, I am not smart enough to fix it. :: shrug :: I’ll make a thumbnail. Click to embiggen.

As of today I am on day 19. I have received the following items. What I received and what the note inside the package read.
1. Day One – 2 packs of smokes. “One for each day for the next forty days!!”
2. Day Two – A chocolate bar. “Sweets for the SWEET!!”***
3. Day Three – 40 small bottles of bubbles. “Because you are so bubbly and fun!”
4. Day Four – “40 pennies!! You will never be broke!!”
5. Day Five – 2 bottles of white out. “Susan did it!! She ruined the computer!!”
6. Day Six – bubble bath. “Have a nice relaxing day!”
7. Day Seven – My first camouflage t-shirt I got to go hunting when I was little. “We love all the different sides of your personality!!” (This was worn by my niece and nephew until it got too small for them, then returned to me.)
8. Day Eight – A gorgeous gold tone Christian Dior cuff bracelet that was my grandmothers. “Happy Birthday from Butter”
9. Day Nine – Hershey’s Kisses “Forty kisses for our sister, daughter and aunt!!”
10. Day Ten – Hardback Novel Back of Beyond by C.J. Box “30 more days! :) Day 10”
11. Day Eleven – 2 packages of Ramen Noodle Soup “Will you ever forget those Ramen noodles??”
12. Day Twelve – A stuffed pink bunny. “NOT Orthodox Easter!”
a. Snippet taken from February 2008 entry,

“When I was in Nacogdoches my parents asked me to come visit them for Easter. I was married, didn’t give a shit if my no-good redneck husband (at the time) joined me or not on any trip so I looked at my calendar, located Easter and asked for time off. I bought my tickets, or my parents did. Whatever. And as I was getting ready to leave the next weekend, I called my parents to see if they would come pick me up from the airport when I arrived. My mother asked in a confused voice, “This weekend? I thought you were coming for Easter.” I am sure I rolled my eyes as I replied, “Yes Maaaaaaaaahm, this weekend is Easter.” I looked at the calendar with my dates off and the flight information to see over the dates a holiday listed. It was Easter alright, but ORTHODOX Easter.
And my sister, the loving goddess that she is gets my parents a calendar from Shutter Fly every year. And she always thoughtfully puts ORTHODOX Easter on the calendar for me. How sweet.
Never have and never will live that down.”

13. Day Thirteen – 40 dollars in ones – no note. Was on the phone with Nugget, he asked me, “Does your mother want you to go to a strip club and make it rain?”
14. Day Fourteen – A blow up beach ball. “Ready Beach!? Here we come”
15. Day Fifteen – “Lip Gloss for that pretty smile!!”
16. Day Sixteen – One of my senior photos… I have on a red and white shirt, an acid washed jean jacket, hair that is SO large … and I am cuddling my cat. Yeah, I don’t know either. “There she is --- Our Susan!!” (My mother loves punctuation. A Lot.)
17. Day Seventeen – “Pens to write your first book!”
18. Day Eighteen – Hardback Novel Taken by Robert Crats “Day 18”
19. Day Nineteen – A packet of 60 pcs of Eclipse gum. No note. Just a vague sense of unease that fairly screams, “Damn girl, have a mint.”

***Which fairy tale was this in? And who said it?

It is so much fun to open these presents every day… and Max is enjoying it as much as I am. In every picture of the gifts I post on FB, Max is just out of frame waiting to pounce and play with the bag, twist tie, paper, ect.

A few weeks ago I got a strange text from a metroplex number. It simply stated, “I meant to do this sooner but time got away… SO… For the next 37 days I’m going to remind you that you are tuning 40… starting now. Happy 40’ish Birthday!” I said thank you and asked who it was. They responded with, “The answer to that will be my present to you… in 37 days.”

Over the next nine days I got texts daily, and I responded one time to say “thank you mystery person” and another to tell said person that I was officially freaked out. Seriously y’all, think about it. No matter how sweet the intention or how benign the texts… “goooood morning nearly 40 girl!!!!!!!” at 6:38 am takes on a creepy tone when you are sufficiently paranoid.

When I told the person that I was kinda skeeved out, he told me who he was. It is one of my oldest friends that I grew up with. I am currently trying to find pictures of him wearing jams he made in home ec class. I will then post the pictures of him (in said JAMS!) on FaceBook with NO remorse.

Although he is still telling me happy birthday daily I am not freaked out in the slightest… knowing who is giving you shit is so much better than a secret stalker admirer. I guess that thing about Knowledge is Power is true.

The day is getting away from me. So I will leave this entry as it stands, and I will bring the Weetacon funk and the Mavs game noise (and some tidbits on Nugget) the next time.

MWAH!

Be good to each other.

About April 2012

This page contains all entries posted to Suzanna Danna in April 2012. They are listed from oldest to newest.

March 2012 is the previous archive.

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