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Me n' Wheezy Hanging Out by the School Yard

So, for the past two months I have been traveling like a crazy person. Which is normal for this time of year for me.

It’s been good to get out of the house. Being around is still kind of hard with Max’s personality filling up the space.

I took his blue felted cat cave to fredlet and the girls. Nugget helped me (ok, Nugget didn’t help me, he did as I asked, as I was a wreck) gather up and donate all of Max’s other items that could be donated. And I wandered around the house for most of the last part of April wanting to throw everything away, give it away, donate it all and start over as I couldn’t find a comfortable spot in my own home.

May came and brought with it mine and Nugget’s birthdays. And rain, lots and lots of rain.

I gave Max’s favorite little IKEA leather chairs in my reading nook to my maintenance man, Ben. He’s lovely and he is using them in his man cave, and very happy.

The spot stood empty until Nugget got me one of those amazing swivel rockers from Home Depot. It’s probably the most romantic gift ever. Shut up. Let me explain.

I want to have this chair’s babies.

I love to be outside. LOVE to be outside. For the past three plus years I have been spending upwards of 3 hours a day (when I’m home) on my patio at the house. The only thing that would drive me back inside would be mosquitoes and/or if my ass fell asleep.

More often than not my ass would be sound asleep (and then up all night, ba-dum-chhh) because I was living on my patio with some cheap iron chairs with pitiful little cushions. So thin and pitiful that I had a throw or two folded up under each one to save whoever’s ass should recline there upon. Yeah, it didn’t work.

I’m a smoker. I love to be outside and smoke. I like to read and hear birds. I dig listening to nature and shit. And for Nugget who is a sometime wheezy asthmatic, to think of my happiness, rather than his dislike for tobacco, and to get something for me that is something that he will most likely not partake in its enjoyment is fucking romantic as hell.

It was so sweet and the chair (which I had fallen in love with in April) is so comfortable and downright fantastic, that I purchased a matching one to go in the reading nook inside. When fredlet was here a few weeks ago I pulled the inside one outside so we could relax and be and enjoy our coffee on the verandaaaaaaaaaaaah. ‘Twas lovely.

Side note/Note to self… Nugget sent me an email and signed it Wheezy. START CALLING HIM WHEEZY. That’s freaking adorable.

So, last week, Wednesday, Wheezy and I went to a fabulous Mexican restaurant around the way for dinner. I could eat Mexican food every day…. All… Day… Long and not get sick of it. Same goes for sushi, and some Italian.

Around 10:30 in the pm my tummy stood up and said, “NOPE.” And I got SO sick y’all. I believe it was food poisoning as I lost 8 pounds and came around back to center WAY sooner than I would if it had been a variety of flu.

Wheezy, fredlet and Kerry all checked on me, and brought G2 Gatorade and Smart Water and Ginger Ale and made sure I was hydrated. They are a crack team to have on your side and I got well quick because of them.

I got well quick, also because I had incentive. On the flip side of not hurling so hard I want to die, there was also the matter of a nice little live show on Saturday. Wheezy had procured tickets for us to go see Archer Live.

I was so excited. It was fabulous and my lady wood for Aisha Taylor is still enormous.

Before we headed out to Grand Prairie, we stopped by this little eatery to see if I could take some solid food. Yeah, I’m a riot to have around. See the sidebar for info on how to book me for weddings, bat mitzvahs, grocery store openings and fund raisers.

So we walk in, we’re kind of prancing a little as we’re fucking excited as balls to see the show later… we order and he seats me then returns to get a drink or whatever. I’m sitting there, kind of looking off into space when my field of (fuzzy) vision narrows down to a point and I find myself staring at my ex-husband. Who was grinning at me. My mind was all, “Is that… a cartoon character? Who is… is that… who.. uhhhnnnnBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ[static]gggg… shit, that’s Paul.”

And then I died.

Ya’ll know this thing, right chere’?

mmmm vodka

Not to sound trite. But DAMN.

And then I remembered that that man withheld affection from me… FOR YEARS.

Withheld…. Affection… From ME.

So I got up to go say hello.

I walked over and this lovely blonde lady was sitting with him. She was very well put together and he looked like he had just survived a dingo attack. Barely. He stood and I shook his hand… and then hers, I introduced myself, she did the same. I went to give Wheezy the lowdown and told him, “Um, Paul is here. I would like to introduce you and then we can be done with that.” He replied, “Not a problem,” and went to shake hands. Good manners all around.

When we sat down, Wheezy turned to me and gave me enormous eyes. I just said, “I know, I know. We can discuss it later. I just have to say, Holy shit… did we ever get the better end of the stick.” He gave me an adorable grin.

At the Archer Live show, Wheezy and I were out in the lobby, I had just purchased him a beer and he asked me, “Is there anything else you need before we go in, pretty girl?” I replied, “Not a thing, lead on my huuhhh…. “

I was mortified. He didn’t let it lie either, I was like, “Ahem, :cough: I meant to say, ‘Lead on handsome’.” He goes, “Bullshit, you just tried to call me Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusband.” And he’d grin. Eyeroll. He is never going to let me live that one down.

More on that later… and I know how I promised a few months ago to tell you about the time I woke up as Walter Matthau. Well, I did you one better than that. I made you a movie!

It’s all for you kittens, all for you.


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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on June 24, 2013 3:17 PM.

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