Suzanna Danna http://www.suzannadanna.net/ Princess of Irony en Copyright 2008 Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:51:39 -0600 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss I've been gone. I brought you this stupid t-shirt. this guy to give us the low down (with no sugar coating or a side of bullshit) and got the skinny on something called the Glasgow Coma scale… the neurologist listed Mister’s mother as a 3. It was Monday and she hadn’t responded or opened her eyes since her strokes on Thursday morning. We would stay at the hospital all day, sitting in the waiting room or in his mother’s room all day. Our only respite was to smile politely at the teeny waiting room Nazi in her pink shirt and white nurse’s shoes. As a volunteer who was supposed to support and help those who were in need of comfort or direction she sucked, as a drill instructor she would have been fabulous. 6/3-6/5 More of the same. Only by the 5th I was physically biting my cheeks to keep from reminding the family of the 72 hour living will thing. Mister was doing the same. Only not just that but he was also struggling with the fact that his sisters’ all act like they are closer than bread and butter but when we cooked dinner for the clan at his oldest sister’s home one evening we found out it was his closest sister’s first time to be in her older sister’s home. Hmmm, close. And. Oh, and. Y’all. Have I ever told you about my engagement ring? Well, I haven’t even told you about how Mister and I met… so probably not. Here’s the brief version. We wanted to get married. Mister wanted to buy me a diamond. I was all, “Eh… we’ve each been married previously, why don’t we just do bands?” He was insistent. Wanted to get me a diamond but neither one of us could afford it. In 1995 he was t-boned on I-95 outside Orlando by a courier truck. He has basically had a headache for 13 years. He has endured acupuncture, pain medication, chiropractic care, you name it… he has had it. Around January of 2003 he got a letter in the mail from the courier company that the truck that hit him had worked for. From their attorney. It basically said, “Mister, by signing this letter you admit guilt in the matter of us t-boning you on the highway back in 1995. And by signing this letter you waive any right to sue us at a later date.” Mister, being a smart man, researched the verbiage on how to respond with a legal-eezed-up “Fuck you, and the truck that t-boned me.” A few months after he sent the pretty worded F-You, he got a check in the mail and with part of it, he got me a ring. So basically I wear his pain on my hand. If that isn’t a good man for you, I don’t know what is. The reason I just word vomited on the page about that story is because one day in the hospital cafeteria his oldest sister basically called me high falutin’ for having a diamond (that you can actually see with the naked eye) on my hand. Me. High falutin’. Let that sink in. I didn’t respond to her baiting (y’all would have been so proud), nor did I hide my hand and my ring under the table. I didn’t tell her the story of the ring either as that is none of her business. Mister was floored. He asked me, “Do you think she knows what she just said to you?” I answered, “Of course. And I hope it made her feel terrific to try and put me down.” We gave each other a thumbs up and went back upstairs to his mother’s bedside. This is where I get a little icky. For those of you who are squeamish, please pick back up around 6/8 or so. I have this incredible sense of smell. It is a curse and also a blessing. Aw, hell, it is just a curse. I can smell it when my traveling companion/stranger on an airplane buries a fart into the cushion of the seat. Some perfumes that women wear actually hurt my face. I can tell when smokers enter a restaurant. I can smell pneumonia or bronchitis at about 10 paces. And I can smell death. When we would leave the hospital each evening around 8:30 or so as soon as we got somewhere with a washer and dryer I would strip both of us and wash our clothes, then go scrub myself into a puffy pink mess in the shower. Her breath was… wrong. I could smell the infection inside her and her breath was sticking to me. I could smell the death in my hair, on my clothes. It was awful… And for those of you still reading, I am sorry. I just wanted to be totally honest here. I asked Mister if he minded if I wrote out the story of the last month and he said, “No, just don’t use my parent’s names, the town they live in or my sister’s names.” So, here I am. Giving you all this verbal diarrhea. You’re welcome. 6/6 The family finally asked for a meeting with the neurologist and the cardiologist. The meeting was scheduled for 3 pm on the 6th. Mister went in with his research and clearly typed questions to ask so that he could fulfill the task that his mother set out for him in her living will. In her Living Will she asked that the oldest sister to be the medical and financial guardian, that the second one take care of the funeral arrangements, that Mister take care of organ donation and that they all make decisions so that the youngest and Mister’s dad wouldn’t have to. Since the oldest was in charge we couldn’t (even though the rest of us except the oldest and Mister’s dad) say, “For the love of all that is Holy. Let her go. It’s been a week and a day… that is past her 72 hour wish.” Mister actually said, “It’s like someone says that they want a certain song and roses for their funeral and another person comes along and says, ‘Well, the song is okay… but we’re going to get you carnations instead.’” The meeting was convoluted and like chasing a deer through the forest. Mister would ask, “Is she breathing on her own enough to remove the ventilator?” The neurologist would say, “Well, yes, she is breathing on her own, with the assistance of the ventilator.” So Mister would counter with, “Okay, then if she needs assistance then she is not breathing on her own.” The neurologist, “Technically, she is….” Mister, “Alright, then what is the oxygen saturation level with her ‘technically’ breathing on her own?” It was ugly. The doctors finally used the word coma around Mister’s dad and then they left the room to let us make a decision whether or not to obey her final wishes. Mister’s dad was so sad y’all. He said, “Okay, so, she’s not coming back. When do you guys think we should start the 72 hour clock that she asked for in her living will?” One of Mister’s brothers-in-law spoke up, “Dad, the 72 hours passed a long time ago.” That was the beginning of the end. The family cried and discussed what they wanted to do. They decided to let her go the next day at noon. 6/7 At noon the family gathered around her bed and read her favorite verses out of the Bible. They prayed, they talked to her and then they stepped out of the room while the nurses unhooked her. When we could all go back in the EKG monitor was still hooked up. Her heartbeat was amazingly irregular. And she coughed up that thingy that they put into coma victim’s mouths to keep their tongue down. The family fled and then one by one came back. I was left alone in the room with Mister’s mom… a lot that week. I don’t know if it was because I was/am an outsider, or because I wasn’t as emotionally tied to it… but I really didn’t mind. It was fine (everything except the smell). The hospital moved her down to a private room and we all sat around and watched her like a science fair project until Mister had enough. He stood, we hugged everyone and then went to pack and leave. He wanted to go to Destin to the family vacation that we had been looking forward to for the better part of the year. We left that evening and got to Destin around 1 am. 6/8 We hung out on the beach and had shrimp and sundaes that evening. It was fun but strained. We went to the neighbors’ porch to smoke cigars and hang out. 6/9 Mister wanted to make his famous gumbo for our dinner for the family. The other family loves his gumbo so much that they offered to pay him to make a double batch. My mother and I chopped the trinity (onions, green peppers and celery) while Mister did the roux. The gumbo turned out fantastic and everyone was pleased. That evening we went to AJ’s bar and grill and I told the two younger brothers of our traveling neighbors that it was their job to get Mister drunk. He ended up getting all three of them drunk. The alcohol allowed Mister to show some emotion that evening so it was a late night for us. 6/10 My sister and I hired a professional photographer to take our pictures on the beach as normally we just have one of the traveling neighbors do it. She was lovely and took amazing pictures at sunset that evening. Mister wasn’t a bit green. 6/11 Deep sea fishing day. I’m not going to say much, but damn. My brother in law caught a 160 pound, six and a half foot long bull shark with 80 pound test line. I’m also not going to tell you that the captain of our boat shot the shark so that they could bring him on board. Or that fourteen of us ate our weight in grilled, blackened and fried shark and red snapper. 6/12-6/13 The days passed in a lull. I would hang out on the beach while Mister hung out in the condo watching movies or napping. I started to get restless. The afternoon of the 13th Mister said that he wanted to stop over in New Orleans on our way home. I said, “Well, you couldn’t relax last week, you haven’t relaxed here, do you think that you will be able to relax there?” He nodded to the affirmative and so I asked him to get online and find us a place to stay. We packed up and left that afternoon, getting into New Orleans (at the W…. Love you W… Love you so much!) at 9 pm or so. They took such good care of us. We walked over to a jazz café and had dinner and music then we walked down Bourbon Street and into the Cajun Cabin to hear the Can’t Hardly Play Boys play their last set. It was so comforting to see something familiar in New Orleans. On the drive in I almost cried because of all of the devastation still around. 6/14 We slept late and had a late breakfast. The W gave us a 4 o’clock check out (did I mention that I love the W?) and we packed up our stuff and hit Royal street to do a little look-n-see. The night before we had picked up a “What’s Happening” magazine and picked our places that we each wanted to see the next day. Mister picked an antique gun/rifle/coin store and I picked a gallery with beautiful art*. We made it back in time for a late lunch and to get a late start on our drive home. Mister had relaxed for about 12 hours since we found out about his mom and those 12 were in New Orleans. On the way out of town he got a bit anxious and asked me to pull to the median so he could drive out of the traffic. We made it home that night around 2 am. *More on this later. 6/15 Laundry. 6/16 Mister and I both had to go into the office on Monday. They were jacking with my computer as we just got new laptops and wireless cards so I had to stay until 8:30 pm that evening to get my work done for the conference I was leaving for the next morning at 6 am. 6/17-18 Travel and set up for conference. First day of the conference on the 18th. 6/19 Fucked up day. Some guy had a diabetic seizure in one of my classrooms. There were all these men standing around the poor guy trying to give him juice or coke. I nearly lost my shit. They could have killed him. As soon as I heard about the “guy that may have Tourette’s in Ballroom C” I called security to alert them then dialed 911 as I was running to the room. I pulled the guy out with the help of another gentleman and it took both of us to hold him in a chair until the paramedics got there. When they got there we put him on the floor and it took three paramedics, a security guy and me to hold him to take his blood sugar. He was seizing so hard that he lost a shoe. His blood sugar for the first draw was 27. He took three big vials of that glucose (?) stuff and two shots of what I am guessing was insulin before he got to 70-something and started coming around. I was sitting on the floor with one knee up and he was leaning against my knee and my chest as I held his shoulders. He was so embarrassed but I am so glad it happened at the conference instead of in his room alone. Poor guy. That evening I was feeling all sorts of twitchy and it didn’t help that there was blood on the moon (blood on the moon, trouble’s comin). See? Look. I took this picture with my weak camera.
blood%20on%20the%20moon%206-19-08.JPG
That little red spot? Is the freaking MOON**. **M-O-O-N spells Tom Collins. I kinda dropped my basket a little and cried like a big snotty hot mess out on the balcony for a while. I knew what was coming but I didn’t know when. 6/20 5:15 am I got a phone call from Mister’s dad. He told me that they had just lost mom fifteen minutes prior. I spoke with him for a while then called Mister who had just gotten off the phone with his oldest sister. I caught a shuttle to the airport and took an earlier flight home. I walked in the door, changed into shorts and we walked right back out again, boarded the animals and got on the road. We made it to Baton Rouge at 2 am. What the hell is it with me and 2 am? Word to the wise. I love me some Starwood Properties but the Sheraton in Baton Rouge just off of I-10 needs a major overhaul in the management department. The front desk was basically unmanned, there were no bellmen, the valet guy didn’t even offer to help with our bags (and everywhere we stopped the preventative measures in Mister demanded that we unpack EVERYTHING) and it is a casino, so everything should be running 24 hours. NO. Hate. Going to write a letter, and not a good one. There were what appeared to be food particles and hair in the bed clothes. GAH. And we were on the Club floor! 6/21 We slept in a bit and hit the road for a very long trip. We got into Live Oak or Lake View or something off of the 295 Loop just outside of Jacksonville and stopped at a Days Inn at? Yeah, around 2 am. Seriously, I wish I had my batteries for the camera juiced up because I think there was a murder in the room we stayed in. The La-Z-Boy recliner in the corner had a very suspicious stain from industrial strength cleaner and two scary holes that looked like .22 caliber. 6/22 We got into Mister’s old home town around 1:30 the next afternoon. 6/23 Mister ran an airport shuttle for relatives coming in for the memorial service and I hung out with his dad and watched eleventeen movies until 1:30 am when Mister returned. 6/24 I can’t rememeber. 6/25 Memorial service. And dinner with 21 people at Olive Garden. That evening I got to spend some time with my Aunt Sue (she’ll be 94 on 7/7/08) and Mister hung out with his dad. 6/26 We went to lunch with Aunt Sue, her son and daughter in law and then over to her son’s house. He wanted to show Mister his fishing rods. We hung out with Mister’s dad and then had dinner with Mister’s ex-stepson. Mister had 4 step kids when he was 22. He was married for 10 years and this is the 2nd to oldest. They bonded and it was a regular love fest (which is awesome) and then we went back to Mister’s dad’s house. Packed up and left. We drove until just east of Tallahassee and then stopped at a Holiday Inn Express that was pretty nice. 6/27 I was up with the chickens and wanting to pack up and get the hell home. I was grating on Mister’s nerves as my caffine addiction reached a fever pitch and I would NOT shut up (RE: See this post for the love of God.). Mister made himself a little nest in the back seat, plugged in his converter, his laptop into that and the wireless card and did research all the way to my parent’s house … at 2 (fucking) am. 6/28 I slept until 11 am and then we went to lunch with my folks. My goal was to be home Saturday evening so I could have ONE day before I had to go back to the office. I promised not to push Mister in leaving my parent’s house. I even kept my yawp shut when after lunch and a chat with my parents Mister went to take a nap. I packed up and took a little 15 minute cat nap too. Then we were off for Dallas. Found out my sister is being tested for Lupus. My mother doesn’t know. NOBODY TELL. We got in at 7:30 pm and I had enough time to unpack and do some laundry before I went to bed at around 1 am. 6/29 Picked up the dog from Doggie Wonderland. Did laundry. Ate Pei Wei, was disappointed. 6/30 Back to work. Picked up the cat after work, went home. Laundry. 7/1 Found out Mister has to have shoulder surgery on the 18th. Fucking June. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/07/ive_been_gone_i_brought_you_th.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/07/ive_been_gone_i_brought_you_th.html Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:51:39 -0600 Welcome to the Gun Show. that way” thing I will just tell you a secret. This secret has a back story. Stop rolling your eyes at me. I know I am one to ramble on a while, but this back story is needed for you to get the full, ah HA! moment of the secret. Do y’all remember that Rotary Club Gala thing where Mister almost paid $1275.00 for a Shi Tzu puppy? To refresh your memory... click here but scroll down halfway... then he wizened up and we got Zeke? Yes? Okay. At that same gala we bid on several items in the silent auction. We also won a few things in the silent auction. We figured, “Eh, charity... good cause, gimme another drink... [garbled mumblings].” So Mister got a brass door knob/paper weight from the capitol building in Austin (it’s totally cool), I got a Swarovski crystal angel fish broach that is mostly black and goes with everything, together with our “go to couple” (Gayla and Michelle) we got a dinner/cooking lesson thingy for six people and then I got a spa package for five ARASYS treatments for a steal. The ARASYS treatments are what I want to tell you guys about. That is the closest website I could find to describe what is actually involved. There is this little place here in Dallas called the Mapleshade Spa. It is a charming home that has been converted into a spa and I want to live there. The gift certificate from the Rotary Club gala had a few restrictions on it and the person who is the ARASYS specialist had a few time restrictions as well but I called and got my five appointments set up with Signey (like Sidney with a G) and started the first one on May 1st. The appointments are an hour and part of the time is the actual set up of the ARASYS machine, pads, treatment spots and the like. Signey was fast, efficient and pleasant (she’s absolutely fabulous and hysterical... love her) and she could fit in two 17 minute treatments in my hour long appointments that I took over my lunch hour and I would be back at work to finish out my day. Here’s the deal. When I was younger... and dancing all of the time I had very strong legs, my back and my ass were rock hard and I had a lot of core strength. But I have never, ever had upper body strength. My little T-Rex arms have always been limp little noodles. Sure, I could hold my frame when in ballet or dancing with a partner and my hands are strong so that helped with Jitterbugging... but my little arms? Imagine a five year old anemic little girl hauling off and hitting you as hard as she can. That? Is me. Well, was. In the four weeks that I have had my five ARASYS treatments I have developed guns. I still have a bit of that second wave thing (also known as granny bat arms) going on, but come on, what do you expect? Miracles? Ben and Jerry (my tummy lumps) have decreased and you may not be able to tell that I have a six pack under my nice warm layer of fat, but let me tell you what... I can feel them. And my ass? If it were any higher, I’d have to reach over my shoulder to get my wallet out of my back pocket. I’m still large and in charge and not apologizing for it. But... Welcome to the fucking gun show, bitches. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/05/welcome_to_the_gun_show.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/05/welcome_to_the_gun_show.html Fri, 23 May 2008 14:42:21 -0600 Rawr! Blood Thirsty for 3 Year Old Girls birthday%20art%205-11-08.jpg See? Preeeeeeeeeeeeeetttty. It took us an hour and a half to hang them just off the foyer going into the living room. And I wasn’t even trying to help at the math part. We hung them side by side with about an inch in between them. I am so in love with this gift. Saturday morning we got up early and ran around doing errands. I count about eight errands that I recall. And then we went to my sister’s house for my niece’s third birthday. Kids everywhere and balloons and cake and bubbles and squealing and sticky little fingers. It was precious. After the party the six adults, Mister and I, my sister and her husband and my parents went to dinner. This is how dinner plans get made with our family. “Oh, Sue and Mister are trying to lose weight, we’ll go somewhere healthy for dinner. What do you want Sue? You want what? Sushi? Okay fish it is. Hey gang!? We’re going to Rock Fish for dinner.” And throughout this whole conversation that my mother was having with herself the only thing I said (outloud) was sushi. And they do not have sushi at Rock Fish. It was a very nice meal and our waiter was attentive and the lady chef has a massive crush on Mister. He held his hand up to tell her thank you for the food and compliment her... and to ask about turmeric and saffron in the rice... and she grabbed his big paw and held his hand as they spoke. She was totally in love with him. LURVE, I say. He? Was a little uncomfortable... but she was good lookin and made great food... FLIRT man, Flirt! We went back to my sister’s house after dinner to have my birthday cake. It was delicious. From Central Market and had fresh strawberries layered between white cake and ... just yum. I get the same cake every year. Or any time I get a cake... It is the same one I had for our wedding reception. My parents tried to get me to take the cake home but alas, I cannot be trusted with that much sugar flavored lard in the house.* *Two weeks ago I was having massive cramps in the middle of a two and a half week cycle and I asked for some cookies and cream ice cream. Bryer’s. Mister brought some home and I ate the whole half gallon in a week. I cannot be trusted, I tell you. So Mister and I went home and collapsed into bed. Yesterday... my actual birthday... rolled around and we got up. Mister brought me breakfast in bed and then we did some other stuff. We went to lunch at Passado’s, then to Retro Revolution to buy a few more little fun things for my piercing and then to PetSmart for some cat litter**. **I lead a charmed life, no? We were supposed to go to see Iron Man because I am a twelve year old boy who happens to have a massive crush on wounded drug addicts. Ah, Robert Downey Jr... How I love thee? But Mister came down with a gigantic headache so I decided that I would take the dog to the dog park, BUT FIRST!.... I would swing by my sister’s house to see my parents who are staying in town with the kids while my sister and her husband escape for a few days annnnnnd introduce them to the dog. Imagine the “But FIRST!” part in that cartoon guy announcer’s voice. My parents are coming in town and staying with Mister and I next weekend. My mother wants to take me shopping for my birthday. We have an eighty pound German Shepherd in the house and my mother is afraid of... well, everything really. Small dogs scare her, large dogs scare her... birds... fish... air. (This is where I confess to really wanting a large rat to round out our household... but ferrets are more boneless and all around squishier, but smell worse. I can just see my mother. Handing her a ferret, “Here, hold this tube sock with eyes... “... and her reply? “Ew EW, gedditofffameeeee! Geddditoffamee!”) So I loaded Zeke up into my car, Mister begged off of going because of said migraine headache thingy above... apologizing profusely for having a headache on my birthday. Poor guy. In what life did someone make him feel bad about something so stupid. I can just see his exwife, or mother... or some high maintenance girlfriend, “Hmmmmpff, you have a headache!?!?!? On MY BIRTHDAY!!!!?!!!? The nerve.” Meanwhile, back in the storyline where I wasn’t going off track... I got to my sister’s house like twenty-seven seconds later and Zeke and I popped out and went to the door. My mother and my niece answer, both with huge grins on their face and my niece starts calling Zeke and smiling at my mother and I. They stood back and Zeke walked in and went straight to the living room where my father and nephew were playing Wii. My dad was sitting on the floor and Zeke went and put his nose next to my father, my dad pushed his muzzle away gently saying, “Let’s not get to friendly too fast big boy.” So Zeke backed up and sat down then walked around sniffing. My mother asked me to put him outside, so I did, with my niece following. She went out to play in her sandbox and my mother stood at the door... I am sure... just waiting for the dog to lunge at my three year old niece and have a mid afternoon snack of cuteness. My mother finally relaxed then tensed again. She called my niece inside and asked if we wanted a slice of cake. So I left Zeke outside and helped my mother with the cake. Zeke marked a tree or two then came up to the sliding glass door and with my niece on one side and he on the other he wagged his tail and she pressed her whole body into the glass door, “Zeke, Zeke, Zeke... Zeke!” So I opened the door and he came inside. We all sat down at the table and had some cake. I asked Zeke to sit and then to lay down, he did as he was asked and then my niece wanted to talk to him. She ignored her cake in favor of the dog. “Zeke, Zeke, Zeke... Zeke!” This is the part where I tell you that my mother’s best friend when she was little was a German Shepherd named Jack. My mother was just telling me that Jack used to get in between her and her nanny, Rosie when my niece slipped out of her chair and came around the table to pet Zeke. The first time my niece met Zeke she stepped on his hip, I think because she wanted to lay on him. Not out of malice. But that time, at the park, with her mother and father right there, Zeke gave her a “Woof!” as in, “Ow. That hurts, step off.” So she and most people under three feet tall make him a wee bit nervous. After he barked at her that first time, she hugged him and he licked her hand. All forgiven. In the kitchen yesterday she accidentally stepped on one of his back feet, he, of course, said, “Woof Woof!” and my niece backed up a step but then went to pet him again. My mother on the other hand grabbed the child from the floor and held her head to her breast like the demon dog (with no lower canines... he is old y’all. OLD.) was going to attack her grandchild. The look on my mother’s face was pure terror. I picked up his leash and said, “Thank you for the cake, we’re gonna head out.” My mother told me to sit down and finish my cake. I sat. And she sat, with my niece in her lap, “Just don’t go next to the dog [niece], let’s just have our cake.” My niece? Quietly, “Zeke, Zeke, Zeke... Zeke!” She reached out a foot to him and he in turn gave her a paw. It was awesome. But my mother was terrified. I shoveled a piece of cake into my face and tried to get out of there so quickly. My mother insisted that I take the cake home. Just the day before she and my father both patted Mister and I approvingly on our smaller frames. “Well... You guys just look Great!” If this would have been a few months prior? My mother wouldn’t have tried to send the cake home with me. It’s weird how that shit happens. I got Zeke on his leash and because (he is so incredibly menacing and blood thirsty for three year old little girls) I have to lift his old ass into and out of my little Chevy Equinox my father carried the cake out to my car for me, he put it in the passenger seat while I lifted Zeke into the back. I told my dad thanks again for dinner and the cake and I went home. I got Zeke out of the back at home and then went to get the cake and my purse and keys out of the passenger seat. I tipped the cake and it fell, frosting first in between the front seats and into the console. Awesome. This was turning out to be a peach of a day. The cat came and sat on my lap and Zeke put his head on my knee when I sat on the couch. It is almost as if they knew I was about to lose my shit. Mister looked up and asked, “So, how was it?” I mumbled something about a “Fucking Disaster” and then my face dissolved into a mess of hot tears and snot. Mister came over and sat beside me and I had my three favorite boys all basically in my lap. The cat, the dog and my loving husband all trying to comfort me. I was trying to eloquently describe why it is so important to me that my parents like my dog. But all I came up with was, “Fuck it. Zeke is a part of our little family and... “ [hitching sob and then more crying]. I am a master at the English language. I know on some level I was worried that my mother’s fear would instill fear into my niece, but my niece has no fear. She is a little warrior who loves tea parties and to shake her bootie. Maybe I am just so in love with this dog that it hurts MY feelings that my mother is irrational about how she feels towards a member of my family. I had years of that when I was married to X. I knew how they felt, but I wanted to make it work. This? This is not a husband who will screw around on me and steal money. This? Is a dog. A sweet, gentle, kind, loving dog. He is big. But he is old. Yes, yes, I know... “It only takes one time.” Whatever. It only takes one time for a lot of things, only one time to get pregnant, to get fired for doing a report the wrong way, to get hit by a drunk driver, to get pulled out by the rip tide... but Zeke hasn’t bitten my niece and he keeps giving her chances... chances to step on him, to love him, to be near him. I’m going by there tonight to take my mother her gift for Mother’s Day, it didn’t come in until this morning. If she says one word about how scary Zeke is... or that they have decided not to come to the house next weekend. I guess I will just have to live with it. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/05/rawr_blood_thirsty_for_3_year.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/05/rawr_blood_thirsty_for_3_year.html Mon, 12 May 2008 15:09:22 -0600 Etsy Bitsy Coincidence... Or Lord, The World Is SMALL. dabbing my forehead with a hanky]... “Come To Papa” is hot. HoTT. His music makes my blood a wee bit boil-y. In the same music vein... Mister, my sister, my brother in law and I went to a CF benefit concert on Saturday down in Deep Ellum. It was so pretty outside and there were so many bands playing. They put together a compilation CD with all proceeds going to Cystic Fibrosis and the door gave all the money to the cause and they did silk screen shirts and pictures. Lovie, El Gato and a frillion other bands contributed to make the night awesome. I cried. Once. What? One of the dudes (singing type dude) from El Gato is in Polyphonic Spree now and the song they started off with was just beautiful. My sister was all, “There’s no crying in Club Dada!” Have I waited long enough to tell y’all the randomness? You all are aware that I am a bucket of crazy right? Yes? Yes. Okay. Just keep that in mind, deal? Friday morning I came into the office and my boss asked me if she could talk to me about something, she hastened to add, “Totally unrelated to work.” I answered her, “But of course.” So she said something along the lines of, “I don’t know anything about jewelry and I want to buy my daughter and her teammates some earrings with a little letter on them because they made it to state.” So I went searching for silver stamped earrings. Have I ever told you guys that I have a problem? I have a substance abuse problem. The substances are shoes, products, jewelry and makeup. Have I ever told y’all that certain sites are like porn to me? Sephora... Etsy... Mighty Goods... Zappos... Saks Fifth Avenue... Neiman Marcus... ah, the list, she is long. Anyway, I have been rooting around on etsy for a while now and when this opportunity came up to find 5 pairs of silver stamped earrings (basically a custom order) for my boss I went ahead and signed up for an account. Bad mistake. I found so many things that I would love to have as my very own. Beautiful jewelry, art, pictures, accessories. Y’all? I need to stand up and say this, “Hello, my name is Susan and I am an addict... to Etsy*.” *Please visit my main page and see the pretty little etsy favorites list I have going. Tell me about yours too. I’d love to see the pretty things you all love. So, there I was, searching for the earrings and I was in contact with several jewelers. They were all so nice, available and had the prettiest things. One lady in particular was kind enough to do a little mock up of what she had in mind for the specs that I gave her. She nailed it spot on. My boss loved the idea and the mock up and the order was placed yesterday. During my conversations with this nice lady (she was so professional and kind) I had a little light go on in my noggin. Let’s say her name is... Lisa. It’s totally not. But for this purpose it is. Let’s also say that she is married to a dude named Larry. So in my noggin I am all, “Lisa... Lisa... hmmm... Lisa Gibson. Lisa... Gibson, I totally know that name.” I clicked on her profile to see where she was. She’s on the west coast. The Lisa Gibson I know is on the west coast. Well, one of the Lisa Gibson’s I know... but that is beside the point. So I decided to search for her husband, Larry... Larry Gibson. Again, NOT his real name. I find Larry’s website and there’s a picture. Yup, it’s Larry... and on his links site there is a link back to her site at Etsy. It says something like, “Lovely designs by a Beautiful Woman.” Yep. Lisa and Larry Gibson. Totally married. And I? Went to their wedding. Okay. Back up. Do you all remember This Guy? Notice how his name is Mike Gibson? Yeah?... Yeah. So... Lisa is Mike’s sister in law. I just ordered jewelry from her. During our conversations, when I realized that I knew who I was talking to (after Googling her husband and seeing the links and pictures and Dear Lord, my brain about exploded), I actually put a PS in one of the conversations. It was this, “PS... I think I attended your wedding.” Why? BECAUSE I am a complete asshole... And AND I forgot that I was using suzannd as my Etsy sign in name AND my email link is suzanna.danna@gmail.com AND AND AND I forgot that in my last entry as I was talking about orgasms, as I am want to do... I admitted (see the bottom of the page) that I totally faked it with Mike. She never mentioned a word about my comment on attending her wedding. So, who knows if she knows who I am. It totally doesn’t matter this many years later. But how random is that shit? Lord. But she has really pretty jewelry. Totally NOT linking to her though. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/04/etsy_bitsy_coincidence_or_lord.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/04/etsy_bitsy_coincidence_or_lord.html Tue, 29 Apr 2008 18:00:09 -0600 Circus Story I KNOW... I mean, what the fuck was I thinking?) and said redneck took great pride in thinking he stole me away from Jay. But not before I took Jay on one last trip. Let me back up. I’m going to drop all of the Sue said this... Jay said this shit and just tell you about our little whirlwind courtship. After our little trip to Austin we would see each other around, go out every once in a while, call one another to come over, which was code for “my roommates are out for the night, we have privacy... hurry.” or do what we did best... take little road trips. I can remember several. Here is one of my favorites. One evening Jay called and asked me if I had plans for the weekend, I said that I didn’t (except for the normal drunken debauchery with my friends) and he asked me if I would go to Houston with him. I agreed and as a little inside joke asked him if I should pack anything special. He said no, but then said something along the lines of, “We have plans for Friday evening and Saturday afternoon and evening. Actually, would you bring a dress? I want to take you to one of my favorite restaurants in Houston.” I agreed and actually packed the brown sundress. (Am Smart.) We left and drove down Friday afternoon. When I asked where we were going he said it was a surprise. I followed his directions and ended up somewhere just outside of downtown Houston in a parking lot. We parked and then walked around the side of a building to see this massive expanse of cars and... Oooh! A Big Top was planted right in the middle of everything. THE Big Top actually. The circus was the surprise, Awwww! I lurve circuses, I love animals, balloons, popcorn and cotton candy, the excitement of the trapeze acts and the chaos of it all. Except for the whole clown thing, circuses are 2nd in line only to my love for amusement parks and roller coasters. Clowns... eeeesh. So we walked up and Jay produced two tickets that he had purchased in advance and we went into the circus. We had cotton candy and popcorn and enjoyed the show. It was one of the sweetest gestures because I had just mentioned that I loved the circus in passing and this man brought me to Houston for the circus! Jay also had another surprise (among many). Saturday morning he asked me if I would mind stopping by his parents’ house for before we did anything else. What was I going to say, “NO! I Hate people. Especially parents... gah.” When in fact I love parents and for some reason I always make a fantastic impression. Side Note: Mister’s parents’ excluded because his mom; within twenty minutes of meeting me; was all, “Susan? Will you join me in the cafeteria of the hospital?” Then in the cafeteria, “So, Susan... tell me about your testimony.” “...Um. ...!?” Then I faked a seizure. So... I said sure to Jay, and we got ready and headed to his parents’ house. We drove into a very nice neighborhood and pulled up to a pretty house that looked similar to the home that I grew up in. We got out of the car and went to the door. Jay walked in and held the door for me and then his parents came out of the kitchen to greet us. They were very sweet and his mother and I talked easily while his father told Jay that his brother was in town. They offered us lunch but Jay said that we had other plans and that we’d come back in a few weeks and go to lunch with them if that was alright. They agreed and we all said our goodbyes. Back in the car Jay said, “They like you.” “Why wouldn’t they?” If that were now, I would have added...”I’m awesome.” But I hadn’t yet refined confident sarcasm at that point. This is where it gets fuzzy, and let me tell you why. There were multiple trips to Houston. On one trip I think I was staying with LuLu and her family and somewhere during the weekend Jay and Jason (his buddy) came to get us to go dancing. And another time (or the same time?... I just don’t know!) we all ended up going to Galveston and swimming in the gulf, then sleeping in my car and in the morning I bathed in a handicap sink at the Burger King bathroom in Texas City. Am polished and very ladylike. That evening after meeting Jay’s parents we went back downtown to the Hilton (Holiday Inn?) in which we were staying. I took a shower first and while Jay was taking his shower I dressed in my little brown sundress and put minimal make up on. I was excited about a little surprise I had planned. I slid some thigh high nude stockings on and fastened them to a garter belt I had from my years working at Victoria’s Secret... and that is all I put on under my pretty sundress. I slid on the croc pumps, put my license, some cash and some lip gloss in the small brown purse I brought for the occasion and was ready by the time Jay got done with his shower. He stepped out of the bathroom and began to dress. He was very complimentary about my outfit. I thought I was so sneaky and felt incredibly sexy with my little secret so when we went downstairs and walked out the front door, down a block, turned a corner and then entered into the restaurant that Jay had said was one of his favorites I was very relaxed and looking forward to a nice meal. It was an Italian place and the maître d' and sommelier knew Jay by name. The maître d' sat us next to the window in this beautiful area and before he left us to the waiter he mentioned that Jay’s brother and a group were there as well. Jay excused himself and said he needed to go say hello to his brother. I sat and took in the surroundings. It was beautiful, very ultra modern and sleek. I looked over the menu and decided to let Jay order for me. He returned with an apology and a sweet kiss on my temple. He ordered a bottle of water for me and a glass of red wine for himself. When I told him that I would like him to order for me his face lit up and he said, “I have the perfect thing!” When the waiter came around he ordered the house salad and the seafood linguine for both of us and asked the waiter to surprise us with dessert. Then he sat back and sipped his wine with a small smile on his face. I always felt so grown up around Jay. We may have played, joked and kidded around, but he wasn’t like the other boys that I had dated before, nor was he like anyone in the small town where we lived. He had professed that he had a crush on me for many months and we spent as much time together when we could but I really appreciated that he didn’t try to take over all of my time. He was busy, I was busy. We saw each other when we could but there were no restrictions. To be perfectly honest, I loved it and hated it at the same time. When our dinner came I looked down at the seafood linguine and was surprised to see teeny little octopi with their little tentacles all curled up in the red sauce. I asked Jay what about this dish was his favorite part and he speared one off of his plate and fed it to me saying, “This part.” When he put the little octopus in my mouth and I started chewing it I was both pleased and very surprised by the taste and texture of it. The food was delicious. Absolutely amazing. The bread was fresh, the salads were crisp, the entrees were incredible and the crème brûlée was perfect. After we finished our meal Jay ordered another glass of wine for himself and a beer for me. We sat there talking for a while and I couldn’t contain my secret any longer. I had my legs crossed and we had been sitting hip to hip, I turned my knees towards him and took his hand under the table. I led his fingers in unbuttoning the croc buttons that ran up my left leg of the sundress. He unbuttoned four of the buttons and then lightly pushed the linen of the dress to either side and then ran his finger under the top of my stocking. His eyes twinkled and he moved his hand over the top of my thigh finding the garter belt fastener, grinning he asked what else did I have on under the sundress. I motioned for him to lean closer so I could whisper something in his ear. When he did and I said, “Nothing.” And bit his earlobe gently. He buttoned the slit in my dress and called for the check. After he paid, he took my hand to help me from the table and then we walked over to say goodbye to his brother. His brother asked us to stay and Jay just said, “No thank you.” And with his hand at the small of my back he guided me to the door. We walked back to the hotel and when we got back up to the room he unzipped the sundress and pulled it over my head while I stood in the middle of the room. I didn’t feel self conscience or fat when Jay looked at me, so... when he said that he just wanted to take me in for a moment I didn’t cover my breasts or my little belly, I stood there in heels, thigh high stockings, a black garter belt and pearl earrings and let him look. MISSING REEL I can’t really tell you guys all of that evening, it’s mine. But, in homage to Jay’s prowess I will just admit that I broke a headboard off of the wall in the hotel room that night. Oh, and one word. Oral. Since there were no restrictions on our relationship and we had never had the “we’re exclusive” talk we just spent time with one another when we could. One time in a very sweet move Jay and Jason drove me to a rendezvous point to meet up with my sister and her boyfriend (now husband) so he (the boyfriend, now brother in law) could drive my sister and I to Georgia when our grandfather passed. There was a man that I was sort of seeing (redneck mentioned in second paragraph above) and he and Jay both knew of one another. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone but Jay but I had a wedding to go to. Redneck offered to let me use his truck for the trip to Sherman, TX. I had a car and never asked to use the truck, so him offering was totally out of the blue. I asked him if he was absolutely sure. He said, “Absofuckinglutely.” I think he was expecting me to ask him to accompany me to the wedding. He said that he was just being a nice guy. So I took the offer, and took Jay to the wedding... in redneck’s truck. Heh. Redneck stepped up his game and actually sent me a dozen peach colored roses while he was away hunting in South Texas. Sending a chick flowers while you are hunting? Learn the lesson of the jedi youngsters. I don’t know about y’all... but damn, that got my attention. I always say that everyone has a “what if’ person. I never have admitted to anyone, including myself (seriously, like just now... right this very second) that Jay may have been my “what if” person. What if redneck hadn’t sent the flowers? What if Jay had asked me to be exclusive? What if I had never married the redneck? Le sigh... after all of this stuff I went through about 4 phone calls to find out how to spell Jay’s last name. I found out that he didn’t graduate until a few years after I did. He was older than I was and definitely more mature. I got my first job offer guess where? In Houston. They offered me over 40K in salary. In 1994 that was big money to me. But you all know what I did... right? I turned down the job and married the redneck on the same day I graduated. And when I left.... five or six years later? I was making 21.5K. Boy howdy. Them’s some big bucks. ::eyeroll:: In looking for Jay online I found this collection of pictures that make me want to cry. I got to the part of the slideshow with Christmas 2007 and that tree lit up like it had Spanish moss in icicle lights and had to close the window. Damn. So... “what if” huh? I know I wouldn’t have learned the lessons that I did... nor would I be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be as strong as I am or have the fucking material to write this bullshit. And the biggest thing is that I probably wouldn’t have met Mister and that in itself would be a tragedy. *Also, hi... had my first big O when I was 21**. Totally with Jay, that night. You’d think I’d remember how old I was. **21? Sad right? Yeah. Oh and hey... Mike Gibson? I totally faked it. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/04/circus_story.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/04/circus_story.html Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:09:09 -0600 My damage, let me show you it. this ranty entry and the two entries that followed? Yes? I have conveniently added links for you if you would like to refresh your memory. If not. It goes like this. Don’t want to have babies, you can’t make me... want to have procedure done to prevent pregnancy, am sick of hormones, procedure doesn’t work... woe. From the top part of this entry... after... AFTER (!) all of that mess from the links above:
At the consultation my issue de jour was, “Um... you know how you guys burned off the lining to my uterus? Well, see, here’s the issue, I have a Super Uterus and it regenerates. I have been having my cycle since last year about August-ish. What can we do to shut ‘er down? I wanted a tubal ligation and a side order of ablation to cut off the babymakin at the pass, see? And all I got was a lousy hospital bill and a regenerating uterus.” I was nicer and probably a bit more eloquent than that, but y’all get the point. [Gyno Guy] scheduled me for another “procedure” for 3/28/08 and he was pretty cool about it even when he said, “I can’t promise that this will work. From your HSG it looks like there is no blockage, so it should be okay, but if it doesn’t work, we’ll figure something else out.” This SO better work.
So... you are up to speed, yes? Good. Well, yeah. Guess what didn’t work? And now? If you just mention the word menstruation around me I have a period. And if I get like 80 comments with just the word “Menstruation” I am going to pout and then.... I am going to type up long rambling entries about my dreams. Fair warning, deal? I have been spotting since the 28th and I am starting to get pissed. Not only was Gyno Guy unsuccessful in his attempts to render me barren but now I have to worry about what panties I wear... all the time. Also? ALSO? (Very caps locky... bear with me.) The first time when Gyno Guy couldn’t do the tubal ligation he had Mister tell me the surgery was unsuccessful. On the 28th? Yep, it was my dear sweet husband who was the one to tell me that the procedure was a failure when I came out of the twilight anesthesia. By the way, that shit? The twilight anesthesia... Rocks. No vomiting. Just knocked out... annnnnd we’re back. Do y’all know what it is like to have had this little termite thought in the back of your mind since you lost your virginity saying, “What if you get pregnant?!? OMG, WHAT IFFFFFFF!?” Just back there chewing away at your relaxation, your warmth, your sexuality!? I will say this one more time. Getting pregnant (tubal... May 1997... resulting in c-section, for those of you who don’t follow links) when I was on two forms of birth control and having several “scares” before and after that happened will really fuck with you. I am a 35 year old happily married woman. I have healthy desires and appetites (as most of you know from my stories and because I talk like a sailor)... but think about it in this context; you really want a steak. A big juicy perfectly cooked (medium rare) steak. You have been denying yourself said steak because of your... cholesterol or because you are Ramen noodle poor or because you have a guilty conscience because it is a cow or whatthefuckever. But... BUT, you finally are served a steak. The exact one you have been dreaming about. You start eating the steak. Mmmmmmm good. Good steak. Love the steak, want more steak (harder, faster... shut up) and then the little thought pops up like a maggot in your perfectly cooked steak. What would that do for your appetite? Hmmm? I would like maggot free steak please. Or to be a little bit more... oh, hey, can you hand me that stick? I need to beat this dead horse... relaxed, a little less skreechy (in my head... because in person I am not this much of a harpy... or I would like to think), a little more spontaneous, a little less “Wait! What about the full body condoms, the spermicidal jelly, the sponge, the IUD and for God’s sake, PULL OUT!”*, and definitely more able to enjoy the fruits of my labor... if you know what I mean. And I think you do**. *Ah, memories of high school***. How sweet. **Mangos ***And my first marriage.**** ****That boy was a certifiable dirty leg. Enough. You know too much. I must keel you. /////// Edited To Add @ 8:23 p.m. To clarify for my darling Melinda… and for sweet Sil who called my cell a few short moments ago all sorts of confused… The Essure procedure (where they implant little metal coils into your tubes – your body is (in theory) supposed to scar over the coils thereby rendering your tubes impassable… ergo no eggs delivered to the uterus) is what I was supposed to have done on the 28th of March. When Gyno Guy got in there to take a look around he found that everything was ablated. Scarred over, he couldn’t even find my lil tubes. Next step? Another HSG to find out if the tubes are open… they were last April. Now? I dunno. Again, woe. Sorry I didn’t make myself clear earlier, I thought you guys could read minds. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/04/my_damage_let_me_show_you_it.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/04/my_damage_let_me_show_you_it.html Wed, 09 Apr 2008 17:12:04 -0600 Clickety Clickety and Pictures. Also? Be nice. Click here to watch and listen to Adrenaline Factor’s video for what Brian calls “my song”... appropriately named Boozin’ Susan. According to Brian, his favorite line is, "She's got a half-crazed bloodshot eye on you!" Thank you dear brother. All credits for video and sound go to Brian and his partner, Mark at Blitzkrieg Media and Promotion. Two more things. Thing numero uno: I have a date with my loving husband tonight and he is picking me up at the office in 45 minutes. A date. On a Tuesday. How lovingly random. ::smile:: Thing numero dos: LuLu called me the other night after reading about Jay and the trip to Austin. Apparently I had a few tense and phrase slips and it was completely obvious that I was not telling a story of fiction. [gasp!] “What!? I don’t believe it!” Well, it is true. She nailed me on it and was all... “Which Jay is this guy?” Like I was the whore of Babylon (Shoooosh!!) who had too many partners for her to keep up with. I answered her, “Do you know my favorite picture of us hugging in your parent’s living room?” She answered, “Yep.” Well, Jay and his friend Jason were there that night.” “At MY house?”she asked me. “Yep.” “I wanna see the other pictures then.” She demanded. And I obliged. I don’t know how long I will leave this picture up, but here you go. And if you know any of these people and they are not me... please, PLEASE do not direct them to this site. Or at least give me a heads up first. Deal?
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Jay, Sue, LuLu and Jason
Oh, and one for the road.
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Trouble X 3
Thingy numero tres: Here is another picture I found. See that chick on the left? She is the esteemed Kelly that gave Jay and I the 4th of July suggestion in the first place and almost broke her vagina in this charming tale. Editor’s note: Please make sure you click on the link at the bottom of said post.... and also, pay no attention to the fucked up formatting. Haven’t gotten that far yet. Leave Comments, tell us we are pretty. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/04/clickety_clickety_and_pictures.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/04/clickety_clickety_and_pictures.html Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:35:17 -0600 Want To Go To Austin?: Part III click here to go to Part I. And click here to go to Part II. They were laughing and running as they reached the car. Jay opened Sue’s door for her and then ran around to his side and got in. He turned to her and grinned. She had no idea how she got from downtown to the little inn on the highway as her mind was definitely not on the road. They arrived and jumped out of the car and ran upstairs. When Jay opened the door to the room he asked Sue if she minded if he took a quick shower. With the heat and humidity of Austin in July they were both pretty sweaty. Sue said, “By all means, please do, I’ll do the same when you are done.” Jay went into the small bathroom, left the door open a crack and turned on the water. He stripped and got in the shower and began to lather up trying to wash his hair and his body as quickly as possible. Sue brushed her teeth then found herself pacing a small spot between the bedroom area and the vanity sink. She stopped in front of the mirror at the sink and looked at herself. She was a sweaty mess, her hair was curling up, her makeup had vacated and left a small smudging of mascara on her lashes and her face was flushed. She turned her back on the mirror, crossed her arms and her feet at the ankles to keep from pacing and made herself calm the hell down already. She looked at the bathroom door where steam was coming out of the crack between the door and the doorjamb and heard a voice say, “Hey, do you mind if I join you?” When she heard Jay reply, “Not at all, come on in.” Sue realized that it was her mouth that had asked to join a naked man in the shower. A naked man that she hadn’t held hands with until that afternoon, a man who just kissed her not even an hour ago. Sue thought, “Holy shit. That was me! I said that! The gall, the nerve... no, no, it was a hallucination caused by the heat, the beer, the music and that kiss... Lord, that kiss.” Jay asked her, “Are you coming in?” Sue swallowed a lump in her throat and meekly replied, “Sure.” She took off her shoes, her jumper, and her underwear and folded them neatly on her duffle bag. Sue then went to the bathroom door and pushed it open a little and stepped inside, the steam rose up around her. Jay pulled back the curtain and grinned at her, “Here, go ahead and get under the water, I’m almost done.” He offered her a hand and helped her step into the tub/shower combination. With the hot water pounding on her head and the grime of the road trip and the night downtown washing off of her body, Sue immediately felt so much better and she began to relax. She turned towards the shower head and turned her head up so her face got wet. Jay asked from behind her if he could wash her hair. She looked to the right and the left looking for someone, ANYONE to confirm what she just heard. Hot, naked, wet guy she was showering with asking her if he could wash her hair? Seriously? She answered, “Sure.” And waited for a pause that she could follow up with “....was a nice night.” If washing her hair was indeed not what he had asked. But he leaned around her right side and picked up the hotel issued shampoo bottle and asked her to tilt her head back a bit. She did and with that she felt the cool sensation of shampoo being poured onto the crown of her head, he washed her hair almost the exact same way she would, working up lather at her temples and crown and then pushing the suds into the length of her hair as not to tangle it. When he was done washing her hair he said, “Rinse.” She turned her back to the water and leaned her hair back into it, he then asked, “Conditioner?” She smiled and said, “Yes, please.” He gently turned her around by the shoulders and applied the conditioner to her hair. She closed her eyes, secretly relieved because she was the curious type and wanted to look him over, but being pampered was better and more rewarding than satisfying her nosiness. He asked if he could wash her, she nodded, eyes still closed then he surprised her with a command, “Arms up.” Sue could tell Jay was smiling when he said it so with her back still turned to him she raised her arms, bracing for what he would do next. Why was she so nervous? She had been naked with a boy before, she wasn’t some ice queen but she wasn’t that experienced either. Jay started at her shoulders and soaped Sue up along her back and then moved to soap up each arm, the right arm and then the left. He massaged around her collarbone and under her neck and then to the rest of her back. He asked her to turn around and he washed each leg, saying, “Right.” And “Left.” When said leg was needed. He never touched her breasts, her stomach, her bottom or her vagina. He just washed her tenderly and then stepped out to let her finish up. She washed everything else and got out to towel off quickly. She ran a comb through her hair and slipped on a little tank and boxer combo (sexy.) then walked to the bed. Jay was under the covers and watching the television. She crawled in and said, “Thank you for washing my hair. That was pretty cool.” She thought she sounded like a complete moron, but Jay smiled at her and pulled her close. “Really?” he asked, sounding unsure of himself. She assured him and he kissed her softly. He clicked off the television but slipped out of bed to turn on the light above the sink. When Jay came back to bed he crawled up beside Sue, leaned on his elbow and ran his fingers through her long, still damp hair. Sue almost purred. Jay rolled over on his hands and knees above Sue and bent down, grabbing the bottom of her tank with his teeth and gently pulling it over her head. She laughed at his antics until he did the same with her boxers.... he then removed his own MISSING REEL* In the morning Jay and Sue stopped for breakfast and got some film for Sue’s cheap camera, they went for a tour of downtown, walking along the river and taking goofy self portraits of each other in front of the capitol. They went to line up for the guided tour of the capitol but the line was too long and they had other things to do, so they asked if they could just walk around a bit. A very nice lady told them where they could find some beautiful art and the best place to take pictures. Jay talked about politics and how the criminal justice department at their college was incredible. He said he wanted to be a DPS officer when he graduated and thought his duties as a deputy would help him along in his career. Sue listened to him talk and when they went to lunch she picked up the tab. After the sightseeing and lunch Sue and Jay went back to take a little nap before their next night on the town. They planned to go to Maggie Mae’s for a drink or twelve that night and they had heard a few amazing bands would be playing and that the place would be packed so they wanted to be early. Well, relatively early, and they still required a quick bite for dinner before they parked downtown. Sue took another shower and left her hair wild as she was planning on wearing the only thing that Jay requested that she bring. Her boots and her hat. Well, with some jeans and a top... but it was SO hot. It was unbearably muggy so Sue opted for some shorts, the same top she had planned on wearing and some light, comfortable shoes. Jay dressed in jeans, a golf shirt and some boots. They went and got a bite to eat and parked in the same parking lot as the night before. They were on 6th street before 8pm on a Saturday night. The whole town was gearing up for the 4th of July celebration. The fireworks were supposed to go off that evening; the capitol was lit up with red, white and blue, the tower at University of Texas was dressed in patriotic colors and Sue and Jay wanted to be on the roof at Maggie Mae’s when the whole thing started. Jay and Sue had laughed so easily together all afternoon. They were a compatible pair for traveling and hanging out, and in the bedroom... things were good. Sue wondered why Jay was quiet. He had started talking less and less after they left the hotel to come downtown. She asked if he felt alright. Sue: Jay? How are you holding up? Can I get you anything? Jay: No... I’m okay, why? Sue: Well, you just seem a little quiet. Jay: Well, I’m shy. Sue: Sure as hell didn’t seem shy last night when.... Jay: [laughing] I know... I know... I’m sorry. I just can’t. Sue: Just can’t what Jay? By this time the two of them were sitting on the roof of Maggie Mae’s. They had been in several parts of the bar and had heard what seemed like every type of music there is to hear. The bands were amazing, and Sue even got Jay on the dance floor for a few moments. He kept bringing them beer and Sue got a cold feeling in her stomach that things were about to turn sour. Had she slept with him too soon? They had been having so much fun. Sue felt sick that something they had done, or that she had done was the cause of Jay’s discomfort. Jay: I can’t tell you. Sue: What if I get you a few more beers? Jay: There you go again, trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me. He laughed quietly and then met Sue’s gaze. Jay: No, oh, no... no no no... it’s nothing like that. Sue: Like what? Jay: That look on your face... like someone just killed a puppy. Sue: Well, you just seem sad, and quiet, and distant. I was afraid that I... Jay: No, it’s not you. I’m just embarrassed. Sue: Of... me? Jay: Good heavens, no! Sue: “Good heavens”...? Jay: [laughing] You are teasing me... again. [smiling] Sue: There’s that smile. So, what is this you are embarrassed about? Jay: Seriously, I can’t tell you. But I want to. Fireworks started going off overhead, the report of the blasts not as loud with three bands in the bar and all the music and people and noise on the street. Sue: I’m going to get us a few more beers. Jay: Thank you, maybe that will help. Sue: Help what? Jay: I’m going to tell you, I promise. I just need to get up the nerve. Sue: Well, now... this sounds like a secret. Is it? Jay: Yes ma’am. Sue: And you’re going to share it with me? Jay: Yes ma’am. Sue: And this is why you are so quiet? Because you are brooding over this secret? This monstrously embarrassing secret? Jay: Yes ma’am. But if you keep teasing me about it, I’m not going to tell you. Sue: Two beers coming up. Sue went to the closest bar, relieved that she was not the cause of his embarrassment or his silence... but a bit worried about what the secret might be. She was still young and she had no idea what others saw when they looked at her. Insecurity was high on her list of traits, that and joviality. Sometimes the two balanced each other out; sometimes it just came across as a forced bark of laughter and a look of terror on her face. She ordered two beers and paid for them and then went back to Jay... Jay who had in a matter of a few minutes she had been gone, had turned scarlet. Sue approached the table, put Jay’s beer in front of him with a pile of napkins, sat down herself and looked over at him. He looked like he would rather crawl down the side of the building by the gutters than to be anywhere but there. Jay: Thank you for the beer. He took a napkin and wiped his face. Sue: My pleasure. Sue thought if she could remain still, calm and silent that he wouldn’t run off. She was treating him like a spooked horse. That thought occurred to her and she bit her cheek to keep from laughing. She sipped on her beer, kept from choking and then asked if he minded if she smoked. Jay: Please do, may I light it for you? Sue: Of course. Thank you. He lit her smoke and then they both just looked around at the crowd, the fireworks, the drunk frat boys, the street performers and the other bar patrons. Jay took a deep breath and then looked at Sue. He had relaxed from scarlet to merely pink. Jay: Are you sure you want to hear my secret? Sue: No. Jay: It’s nothing bad, I swear. Sue: O... kay. Jay: Really. Sue: ... [nodding] Jay: It’s just I have had this... Sue: ... [eyebrow raise] Jay: This.... Sue: ... Jay: This... fantasy. He spit out the word like it was a skunked beer. Sue: A fantasy. Jay: Yes. He was positively purple. Sue: About...? Jay: This is the part where it gets embarrassing. Sue: Fantasies are normal, no need to be embarrassed. Jay: Says the woman who is the subject of mine... Sue: ... [blink] Pardon me? Jay: Okay, I’m only going to say this once, so if you want to hear it... pay attention. Sue: ... Jay: Since I met you... and yes, I have had this fantasy since March 13th... don’t look so surprised. But since I met you I have had this fantasy about you... Sue: ... Jay: You in your red boots with your cowboy hat on. Sue: Sorry I didn’t wear them tonight, it is just so muggy and hot outside... Jay: [waving away her apology] No, that’s not it... Sue: What is it then? Jay: In my fantasy, that is all you are wearing. Sue: ...[eyes immediately get huge] Jay: I’m so embarrassed... you probably think I am a total perv. Sue: ... Jay: Say something. Sue: So, let me get this straight. Jay: Oh, shit. Sue: You... [pointing at him] have been having fantasies of me... [pointing at herself] for now on four months about me donning nothing but my cowboy hat... wait... straw or felt? Jay: Straw. Sue: Right... so, nothing but my straw cowboy hat and my red ropers? Jay: Don’t hate me. Sue: Oh, au contraire, dear sir. I find this rather... hot. Jay: ... What? Sue: You’ve been thinking about me. Jay: Yes. Sue: A lot? Jay: You could say that. Sue just grinned like the cat that ate the canary. Jay looked positively squeamish. Jay: Okay, okay... Yes, a lot. Lord, this is so embarrassing. Sue: I dare to disagree. Jay: You aren’t the one spilling out your fantasies in front of some woman that you barely know... Sue: Dude, you washed my hair, well that and a lot more... and I think that constitutes knowing... Jay: ... and have had a crush on since the day you laid eyes on her. Sue: ... Wait. What? Jay: Are you going to make me repeat this too? Sue: Yes, please. Jay: Fine, but on one condition. Sue: And that is? Jay: You tell me what FMF means. Sue: ...[laughing] How did you hear... oh, never mind... You got it. Jay: Okay, fine. I have a crush on you. Sue: ... Jay: And I have since I saw you at that damn rodeo. Sue: Fuck Me Fine. Jay: Pardon me? Sue: That’s what FMF means. Kelly made it up. Okay, I did too. We had to call you something as we didn’t know your name. We got a look at you LONG before that damned rodeo. Jay: Oh, really? Sue: Yep. Jay: Hmmm. Sue: And I’ll tell you something else. Jay: Tell me. Sue: I have those boots and that straw hat back at the room. And come to think of it, I have a little bit of nothing else to throw on with them. Tune in Next Time (aka, when I get around to it... maybe) and I’ll tell you another way Jay cemented his place in Sue’s heart and it all started with a circus. *This ain’t that kind of blog y’all. Pervs. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/03/want_to_go_to_austin_part_iii.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/03/want_to_go_to_austin_part_iii.html Fiction, Or Is IT? Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:00:26 -0600 Want To Go To Austin?: Part II click here to go to Part I. They drove out Highway 7 West towards Crockett and talked the whole way. It was only a few hours to Austin and they filled up every moment with regaling each others with stories of travel, family, school life, work life, friends, bar life and anything else that came up. Music was found on the radio and then mix tapes were played. Sue actually even sang along; loudly and off key; to Mariah’s Vanishing without a bit of embarrassment even when Jay broke down in a fit of laughter that was so contagious that Sue had to pull over, lest she wreck. When they reached Crockett they stopped at a burger joint on the loop and went in for a late lunch. While Sue deconstructed and then reconstructed her sandwich to her liking she looked up shyly at Jay putting a perfect circle of ketchup on the wax paper in his fast food basket and said to him, “You know... I’ve never been on a trip with a boy before.” Jay looked up, surprised, took a paper napkin out of the dispenser, wiped his hands and then folded them on the table. He said, “Me neither.” Sue: You’ve never been on a trip with a boy before? Jay: No, I mean, yes... you know what I mean. I haven’t been on a trip with a girl before. Alone. Sue: Exactly. The alone part makes it kind of exciting... but... sorta... Jay: Do you....? Sue: Do I what? Jay: Feel guilty or anything? Sue: Well, sort of... being my mother’s daughter I am not supposed to be alone with a strange boy on a road trip with no apparent reason. Jay: She planned for this contingency? She literally brought up traveling alone with a boy? Sue: Well, no. But I am sure it was implied somewhere down the line. Jay: Of course.... under the whole, “Thou shall not slouch” commandment, a subparagraph. Sue: Do you actually KNOW my mother? Jay: No. [laughing] But your parents sound like good people. Sue: And it’s not like we’re doing anything bad... or anything. Jay: I know, we haven’t even held hands. Sue cringed internally at her words, mentally smacking her forehead for sounding so inarticulate and immature. She rolled her eyes rehashing, “It’s not like we’re doing anything bad... or anything.” Gah. They finished their lunch with a smattering of conversation. Sue was mostly trying desperately to get over her “I carried a watermelon” moment. Jay’s apparent lack of knowledge that he was so hot was disconcerting. Add to that the fact that he seemed smitten and was turning into a friend as they chatted was throwing Sue off. After throwing away their trash they used the washrooms and on the way out the door to Sue’s car Jay said her name quietly and then held out his hand. Sue looked at him and took it. They walked easily to her car, their hands clasped and swinging between them. As he held her car door open for her he said, “Well, at least now we’ve held hands.” It was Sue’s turn to blush crimson. They drove southwest into Austin watching the sun drop low in the sky as they made their way into the hill country. They talked easily and discussed their plans for the weekend. They discussed the various pros and cons of living in a small college town. She asked about how he liked being in law enforcement and how he chose that profession. He asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, she answered truthfully that she really had no idea. They told stories and laughed. Even though he didn’t smoke, he didn’t begrudge her that she did and he lit her cigarettes for her as she drove. They made it into Austin just before dusk and decided to make a tour through downtown. Jay turned the radio to some bad rap, rolled down his window, leaned back in his seat, put his arm out the window and started bopping his head along to the music, Sue followed suit and they toured Austin’s downtown area and the college looking like white bread vatos, laughing and pointing out various areas of interest to one another. Kelly had suggested three things for Sue and Jay to do in Austin while they were there. The first was to make it to a showing at Esther’s Follies, the second was get to Maggie Mae’s for a drink and the last was to go for a tour in the state capitol building. Sue and Jay agreed to all of the above. When the two of them finished their vato tour through the area they went in search of a hotel. Sue drove down I-35 at Jay’s direction and then pulled into a little Stratford Inn and Jay got out and with a smile said, “Be right back!” Sue began to get a little nervous. She was analyzing every possible outcome that could happen between now and when Jay brought the key(s) out from the hotel office. They could be sleeping in two separate rooms. Yes, that is the good girl thing to do... but why was she feeling a bit of disappointment at that choice? They could share a room with two double beds. They could share ONE room with ONE big bed. And of these choices, what did each one mean to him? He said, “You drive, I’ll buy.” If he chose the two separate bedrooms, did that mean he didn’t find her attractive orrrrrr was he just being respectful? One bedroom, was she a slut? Or was he just being frugal? Did she owe him anything for paying? She rolled her eyes at herself. Jay popped out of the office and hopped into her car. “Just pull in right here.” Sue pulled into the parking spot Jay indicated and kept her mouth shut. Truthfully, her mouth felt like it was actually glued shut, it was so dry and she was wide eyed with excitement and the heaping spoonful of anxiety that she was trying to swallow but it wouldn’t go down. They pulled their bags out of the car and Sue followed Jay up the stairs. He opened the door to one room, ONE ROOM. Sue immediately heard Dan Akroyd in her head saying, “Jane, you incompetent slut.” But Jay was smiling, he stood back to let her look inside. Inside the room was a massive king sized bed, its’ front right corner listing sadly towards the floor. Jay looked at Sue and she looked right back at him. His mouth turned up at one corner and he took her bag from her and said the words that would forever cement a place for him in her heart. “So, do you wanna jump on the bed or what?” Sue squealed and ran into the room, leaping onto the bed and bouncing around, her hand above her head to make sure she didn’t knock herself out on the ceiling. Jumping up and down she asked him, “How did you know?” He looked at her and smiled, replying, “How did I know what?” “How did you know that I liked to jump on hotel room beds?” He gave her the perfect answer, “Well, if your mother was anything like mine, there was no jumping on the bed at home... if we were in a hotel it was a special treat, she said it was something we paid to have the honor to do.” Sue had heard her mother say almost the exact same thing and she told Jay, “I love your mom.” Sue flopped down on the bed and pulled the phone book out from the dresser, looked up Esther’s Follies and made a call, asking the times of the shows for that evening and where to park. They had an 8pm and a 10pm show. If she and Jay hurried, they could make it to the 8pm show. They got dressed; each one taking turns in the teeny bathroom. When she came out in her little halter jumper Jay whistled at her, she (in turn) clapped approvingly at his handsome form. They drove to the parking lot that the Esther’s Follies attendant had told Sue about on the phone, parked, walked across the street and into the theater. It was a two drink minimum so when Jay bought their tickets he flashed his id, they were both stamped “of age” even though Sue had barely turned 20 years old. Entering the theater they found a spot, sat down and Jay ordered them a beer a piece. When the show started Sue laughed along with the antics of the cast and Jay laughed along with Sue. She kept ordering Jay beer and he finally asked her if she was trying to get him drunk so she could take advantage of him. Sue: NO! [she mocked offense] Jay: Are you sure!? Sue: Well, you are a little more talkative and relaxed when you’ve had a few. Jay: Should I be worried about my reputation? You are trying to take advantage of me, I can tell. Oh dear, we should have brought a chaperone. Sue: Oh hush. [laughing] When the show had ended the MC said that their tickets were good for a free admission to the Velveeta Room, a comedy club a few doors down on 6th street. Sue brightened at the chance of more laughter and Jay let her pull him out to the bustling street and down to the Velveeta Room. The seats were almost all full and the crowd was heckling the comedian. Sue ordered two more beers and then sat down next to Jay. He pulled her little chair close to him and whispered in her ear, “You ARE trying to take advantage of me.” The small hairs on her arms stood on end when he whispered in her ear, she shivered and cheered on the comedian, fully ignoring Jay’s attempt to bait her into a “No I’m not.” “Yes, you are.” back and forth conversation. When the comedian left the stage Jay suggested that they walk down the street and find something interesting. They had planned on going to Maggie Mae’s the next night so they walked out into the hot July night and strolled down 6th street. They passed trinket sellers and bar barkers asking them to come inside to hear the live music playing. Jay picked out a colorful necklace made of shells and asked Sue if she wanted it. She was still a little shy about the whole “You drive, I’ll buy” thing so she shook her head. They kept walking, holding hands and talking easily as if they had known each other since the dawn of time. Sue heard the strains of blues being played in a club to her left, she looked at Jay and asked if he liked Blues and R&B. He nodded and asked, “Do you want to go in there?” He pointed to a place called Joe’s Generic Bar. Sue nodded enthusiastically and they walked inside. The band was playing Stevie Ray Vaughn’s “Riviera Paradise”.
Jay bought two more beers and found Sue standing along the left side of a chest high bar to the left of the main bar. There were two such bars running the length of the area, the rest of the floor had small round tables and several chairs set at each one. The band was at the back of the room on a small platform and they launched into one blues song after the next. Sue swayed to the music, feeling the heat of Jay’s breath on her shoulder, seeing his arm laying on the bar protectively to her right. She was so happy, so wonderfully in tune with the music, so ecstatic to be on this spontaneous trip with this beautiful man, she had a great time at the show, a fantastic time at the comedy club and an even better time strolling thought the hot night air with Jay. She was joyful she had made a friend and secretly hoping that her new friend would kiss her. The band launched into Screamin Jay Hawkins’ “I Put A Spell On You” and Sue whistled her approval. She danced a little to the music, raising her arms above her head and swinging her hips to the rhythm. Jay put his hands at Sue’s waist and ran his palms up the length of her arms then turned her towards him. As Sue turned around and faced Jay he brought her arms gently down to her sides and asked her to look him in the eye. Jay: How many were on your list of boys you had kissed. Sue: ... [::blink::] Jay: Well, I’m going to be the next one, but I don’t want to just be some guy you add to your list. Sue: ... [::blink::] Jay: Where are we? Sue: Austin, Texas. Jay: What is the name of the bar in which we are currently standing and swaying to the music? Sue: Joe’s Generic Bar. Jay: What song is the band playing? Sue: “I Put A Spell On You”... by.... Jay: [rushing] Who is the band? Sue: I have no idea. Jay: Fair enough. Now, can you remember all of this so I won’t be some random guy you kissed that one time, at that place? At the “one time, at that place” he gave a ‘who gives a shit?’ hand motion. When he was done he brought his hand back to her arm, caressing the groove of her left elbow with the pad of his right thumb. Sue: Absolutely. [nodding] Jay: Now, again... where are we? Sue: Austin, Texas. Jay: What is the name of the bar? Sue: Joe’s Generic Bar. Jay: What song is the band playing? Sue: “I Put A Spell On You”. And then he kissed her, and for the first time in her short life, her knees went weak when a man kissed her. He kissed her gently and then with more passion and possession, he cupped her cheek then slid his right hand around to the back of her neck while moving his other hand to the small of her back, supporting her and pulling her closer to him as he felt her tremble. When Jay finished his kiss with a little nibble at Sue’s lower lip he took her by the shoulders and held her at arms’ length, looking her up and down. She met his eyes and watched him looking her over. She didn’t feel like a possession or a piece of meat, she felt sexy and very warm from his kiss... and very pleased with herself for not falling on her ass during the most remarkable kiss of her life. Sue met Jay’s gaze and when he said, “Do you wanna get out of here?” She nodded slowly. She didn’t want to seem too eager but she wanted to make sure he knew that she wasn’t just making rash decisions. They walked out of the bar holding hands, turning right and walking back up 6th to the parking lot on Red River. By the time they got halfway up the street they had broken into a quick walk, laughing like giddy school kids. By the time they were two streets from Esther’s Follies they had moved into a jog, and by the time they rounded the corner at Red River they were flat out running for the car. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/03/want_to_go_to_austin_part_ii.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/03/want_to_go_to_austin_part_ii.html Fiction, Or Is IT? Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:59:25 -0600 Want to Go To Austin?: Part I Jay: Hey, whatcha doin? Sue: Studying? Jay: Bullshit. Sue: Reading? Jay: I’ll buy that one, you are always reading something. What was on that little note card? Sue: Nothing, hey, how did you find me? Jay: You are a creature of habit... and I figured if we were going on a road trip, we may as well get to know one another a little bit. Sue: Alright. Do you have any questions? Jay: Besides “what is on the note card?” No. Sue: I was just making some notes. A list. Jay: Like a things to do list? Sue: Could have been called that, sure. Jay: Could? Sue: Moving on. So, what would you like to do in Austin? When do you want to leave? Where do you want to stay? Have you ever been? Jay: Whoa. Well, let’s see. I have been to Austin, but not in a long time. Kelly is going to let us know about the fun stuff to do. Let’s leave Friday at noon or so and I have no idea where to stay, we can just figure that out when we get there. Sue: Alright. What is your mother’s maiden name? Jay: Why? Sue: Well, I need to know something personal about you or your family before I just go on a trip with you. Jay: Babcock. Her maiden name is Babcock. My middle name is Jason... can’t tell you my first name, it is way too embarrassing and I have a little sister and a big brother. They all live in Houston. Sue: Much better. Do you need to know anything about me? Jay: Can I see the list? Sue: Are you going to let this go... ever? Jay: Nope. Sue: Fine. Sue handed the list over, keeping her place in the book with her thumb. She didn’t explain it, she just watched his incredibly long eye lashes move as his eyes darted over the list. He looked it over twice and flipped the card over looking for more information. The back was blank. Jay: Who are all of these men? Sue: Boys I’ve kissed. Jay: And the little stars? Sue: Those are the ones I have had long relationships with. She lied. Jay: ... right. Sue: [::blink::] Jay: So, anything else? Sue: Yep. Jay: Ut oh. Sue: How did you know or remember that we met on March 13th? Jay: [::furiously blushing::] Because I was working security at the rodeo and you were so nice to me. Sue: Hospitable... would you say? Jay: Yes, I would definitely say you were hospitable. Sue: Great, because after all... it was the hospitality booth. Jay: Smart alleck. Sue: Oh, where do you live? I have no idea where to pick you up on Friday. Um... and what am I supposed to pack? Jay: You know that little white house across from the college? Sue: Yep. Jay: I live there with my roommates. And anything is fine for you to pack as long as you bring your hat and those red boots. Sue: I thought you didn’t dance. Jay: See you Friday! And with that, he left. The rest of the week Sue had tests and hung out with her friends at the normal spots. She went dancing and had some friends over for Tino’s pizza and a movie. When Thursday rolled around she made sure all of her laundry was done, she packed a small bag and left her toiletries out for getting dressed the next afternoon, and then she went to the bar with her friends. Friday after she went to her first class she came home and went to the pool in her apartment complex. She lay in the sun thinking of Jay. Wondering about Jay. Wondering why she was such a sucker and had agreed to go to Austin with a complete stranger. She pulled her float out of the pool and went home to shower. She thought about Jay some more as she shaved her legs. She called up his memory and in her mind she looked him over. Tall, about 6’1” or so, dark olive skin, thick and shiny black hair that he kept short and swept to the side, full lips, eyelashes and eyebrows any woman would commit a felony for and bright green eyes. Italian. Broad shoulders, pretty. Yum. She thought to herself, “Well, he’s a sheriff’s deputy and a full time college student. Ambitious and hot. Not bad.” She dressed in shorts, tennis shoes and a t-shirt. She pulled her hair back for the drive down to Austin and threw her stuff in the car. She drove to the white house and pulled into the driveway. Jay was waiting for her in the yard, throwing a football back and forth with a roommate. He smiled when she pulled up and grabbed his bag. He waved to his buddy, threw his bag into the back and climbed into her little four door car. Jay: I wasn’t entirely sure that you would actually show up. Sue: Honestly? Neither was I. They grinned at one another and headed out of town. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/03/want_to_go_to_austin_part_i.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/03/want_to_go_to_austin_part_i.html Fiction, Or Is IT? Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:05:04 -0600 Conversation with Mike... evil pocket gay, Mike. me: well then. You can move down whenever you want and feel right at home Michael: exactly! that's what i was thinking. me: and also?.... i now have tangerine speedo in my head stuck. Michael: hehehehe that was my plan all along. me: OMG remind me to tell you about the dream i had about you this morning Michael: okay. so when are you taking over your company and hiring me as an assistant? me: i'm thinking... fall-ish sound good? Michael: sure easier to move if the heat has dissipated a bit. me: perfect, that way you wont be completely turned to ash by the intensity of the Texas sun right gah so on it's like we're sharing a brain already Michael: yup me: okay Michael: and you have some DIRTY little thoughts missy. me: so... tell me you used to watch saved by the bell. yes i do Michael: was before my time. me: well shit. then this will not be nearly as funny to you Michael: well, just barely. i remember it being on, just not watching. me: there was this place that they hung out (and did oddly choreographed dance routines and poorly planned musical numbers in) called the Peach Pit Michael: right. did see a few episodes. me: okay so.... for some reason you and i were in some beach town you knew EVERYONE and the whole seawall was businesses and shops put together kind of like San Francisco no alleys cross streets only like every mile or something so... we were at this place... some chick wanted you to make out with her Michael: WTF?!?! me: yeah... i know... it gets worse she was wearing turquoise... the color ... not the stone Michael: heh me: all turquoise ... jeans... a little jacket over a coral colored sleeveless sweater i am totally shrugging right now no clue what this was about Michael: the dream? me: maybe because you told me you kissed girls before yeah it goes on (AND ON) anyway... so the turquoise chick laid down on top of a Miata or something just as 90's you undid her zipper with your teeth, laughed, grabbed my hand and said, "c'mon, don’t you need a smoke right about now?" so we went outside Michael: that is funny me: which i thought we were outside ... already... with there being a car and all so we ran outside (???) and these dudes with the whole Don Johnson look followed us... Michael: we ran? me: yes? Michael: weird. me: (i am always thin and fabulous in my dreams... and i smoke alot... keep that in mind) Michael: 100s right? me: yes... never know where i keep the smokes because i NEVER carry a purse in my dreams anyway... the pastel posse was following us they wanted to fight or something it was all very West Side story Michael: totally just had "when you're a jet, you're a jet..." me: YES! OMG Michael: we are sharing the same brain! me: yes Michael: did we rumble? me: you are totally going to dream about turquoise girl and her Baby from Dirty Dancing haircut tonight no... this is the weird thing we ended up back where we were... with the Miata... you did make out with that chick... i was making out with some Don Johnson wannabe... then we did the same thing... "Don't you need a smoke about now? Let's get out of here..." and we ran we got to this building Michael: that is totally our new code for "let's get the fuck out of here." me: and went inside... it was trashed EXACTLY we were just trying to get off the boardwalk (???) or something and you McGuyver'ed your way through an alarm system we broke through a window... and i kept saying, "My this is very Peach Pit of you." ?????? so yeah i may have had a stroke or something Michael: okay, i want some of your drugs me: it was awesome like a bad 80's/90's movie Michael: okay, weird question.. but what was i wearing? me: complete with make outs, and drama, and danger... and McGyver I cant tell you you'll die Michael: well, i've already made out with a girl so the apocalypse must be near anyway. me: okay fine don’t judge me it was a brain enema you were wearing... swear you wont judge me Michael: swear (brain enema?) me: Reebok high-tops, acid wash jeans... AND A JACKET that matched..... Michael: dear lord! i was Marty McFly! me: i think dreams are like the brain’s way of purging yes... you were matchy matchy and i knew that it was a dream... totally by your outfit alone and the size of my hair bow Michael: heh was it robin sparkles big? me: holy fuck.. YES. Michael: rock me: "Let's go to the malllll! today!" Michael: best.episode.EVAH. me: no clue what i was wearing, but (i totally agree about that episode) i knew what you and everyone else was wearing maybe that is why i kept telling you what you were doing was very "Peach Pit" it was very .... AC Slater or Zach.... whatever his last name was Michael: hehe. i have never before been called Zach or Slater. me: no no... you were totally you you looked like you, talked like you... were totally snarky BUT wearing acid wash and knew how to break in to an apartment and disarm an alarm and unzip some chicks zipper with your teeth as she lay (hopeful) on the Miata yeah... i need help. Michael: i'm not sure which is worse. you had me kissing a girl. or that she was on a MIATA!!! me: both Michael: but. okay. the Miata.... me: yeah i know i'm sorry it's almost as bad as... say a Fiero no telling Michael: i was driving home the other day and there was this gold/bronze convertible with this really cute guy in it... big aviator sunglasses that went from brown to clear, great tan, leather wrist band... and i got closer and realized.. he was driving a brand new Miata. me: fuck Michael: i died a little inside me: that ruined everything Michael: yeah. totally did. decided he was probably a total douche. me: absolute douche or..... ironic awesome guy Michael: damnit me: but probably a douche Fun with Google Talk. ]]> http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/03/conversation_with_mike.html http://www.suzannadanna.net/2008/03/conversation_with_mike.html Other Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:52:10 -0600 Pinky Swear: Part II Part One is found here. Not sure if I will ever finish this thing. Vote in the comments section to keep this going or to kill her off. Part II She pushed the door open in front of her and it swung softly on its hinges until it settled against the wall to her left. She stayed where she was, letting her eyes adjust to the room. How could any space be so completely dark? Wouldn’t windows let in some ambient light from the moon, stars, passing cars, other houses or buildings, maybe even street lights? The feeling was coming back into her legs and feet. She was relieved to find that each leg, each foot and all of her toes were still attached. She flexed her thigh muscles and wiggled her toes. She braced herself on either wall of the closet she was inside and raised up on her toes, laying her head on her right shoulder as not to hit the clothes bar above her. She wanted to stretch her calf muscles so she kept her palms braced against the walls and kept her heels planted on the floor as she lifted the toes of her feet. Each foot, raised and lowered three times. She wanted to rotate her feet on her ankles but she knew that whatever noise she was spared from her knees popping when she stood, she wouldn’t be so lucky with her ankles. Each time she lifted her toes she thought of three things. Number one. No Noise. Number two. Ballet. And number three. What are my toes are brushing against? She knelt again in her hiding place, keeping her eyes trained on the room in front of her. No motion, no sounds, no odor, no light, nothing that was living and breathing was waiting for her in the room beyond her closet door. She felt in front of her feet and found a large canvas bag. The bag had a shoulder strap and two heavy nylon stitched handles. She pressed down on the bag to see if she could discern what was inside of it. No luck, she would have to explore the bag when she found a safe quiet place with light. But she knew that she would have to take the bag with her. She stepped lightly over the bag and into the room. She moved to the left and felt the inside of the closet door handle pressing up against her back. She kept moving until she could feel the wall behind the opened closet door. She slipped behind the opened door. It acted as minimal cover and let her try to get her bearings. She needed to find out the layout of the room. Where were the windows, where was the door, and if there were more than one, where was the other and how heavy was the canvas bag she that she found in the closet? The wall was smooth behind her. She edged her way around the room clockwise until she came to a sharp right angle. She was breathing quick, shallow little breaths. She knew that she was still alone in the room, she just didn’t know for how long, or why. She crept along this new wall with her left hand trailing the wall and her right hand out in front of her so she wouldn’t bump into any furniture. She found the ledge of a window. Her heart hammered in excitement. She might need to leave in a hurry once she able to open the window; or a door if she came to one; so she returned to the closet, tested the heft of the canvas bag, found it comfortable in it’s weightiness but not heavy or awkward to carry. She slung the shoulder strap across her head so the bag hung diagonally across her narrow back and she returned to the window sill. The room seemed to be empty but she wanted to be sure. She was certain that going out a window would be preferable to going deeper into rest of the building or the house. She felt if she could just get outside her current holding room, she would be able to see, and then find her way to wherever she needed to be. She had not figured out where she needed to be, or where she needed to go, she just knew she had to get out, with as little difficulty as possible. With the bag slung across the middle her back like a modern day quiver, she traversed the room finding another window, another wall and then another wall and then she came to a door. The room seemed to be empty and the door wasn’t the closet door, but a door that opened into the building. She hesitated. The window? Or the door? She still couldn’t see and she didn’t know if the windows had been blacked out or even worse, bricked over. She was already at the door, she decided to take her chances and find some light. At least, then she could see what was in the ruck sack she was carrying. There may be a clue inside of it to who she was and what sort of predicament she was in. She crossed silently to the other side of the door, found the knob and turned it slowly. The knob turned like it had been freshly oiled and when she felt the lock disengage she let out a small breath of relief that she hadn’t heard the mechanism work, but only felt the smooth vibrations of the bolt inside the lock being withdrawn from the door frame. Instinct kicked in and she took a deep breath through her nose, put her right eye up to the door jamb and pulled it open just enough to see that the hallway just on the other side was as dark as the room she was in. She opened the door just a bit further and was able to see the outline of some stairs about twelve feet from the room she was in. If she could see the outline of the stair landing, there was bound to be a little bit of light filtering in from somewhere. She opened the door enough to slip through and stood just outside the door listening for noise within the building or house to help her find her way out or away from whomever put her in that closet. No noise. It was silent as a tomb and she knew that it could very well be her own tomb if she didn’t get a move on. Her eyes were adjusting to the faint source of light as looked around the landing and saw three other doors and a longer hallway to the right. The stairs was where the brightest source of light was coming from and they only led up. She knew that light could mean other people, but she needed to see inside of her canvas bag. Something important was inside, it would help her... she just knew it. She moved to the landing and looked up. The only thing at the top of the stairs was another door. Leaning forward into the stairwell, she looked up and saw where the light source was coming from. A sky light was about seven stories above her and a sliver of a moon and starry night looked back at her. She headed up the stairs, keeping to the outside of the stairs and staying on the balls of her feet. The stairs seemed to be concrete. Office building? Was she downtown? If so, she could get out of the building and disappear into the night once she was outside. She looked forward to the night air like with eagerness akin to hunger. She got to the first landing and saw several more doors leading off the main stair case and another set of stairs leading up to the next landing she took these stairs a little more confidently. Making sure to keep herself in check, she knew that being too cocky could get her killed. She reached the top of the landing in no time and this time, along with the doors to other rooms or offices, she saw a registration desk and a hallway that bisected the building. One part of the hallway ran straight in front of her and deeper into the building and what she thought would be an emergency exit, and the other part ran to the front doors. Which way to go? She flipped a mental coin, chose heads and turned to the back entrance hoping the power was off throughout the whole building so she wouldn’t set off the emergency alarm when she pushed the exit bar. She walked lightly in her flexible shoes. Toe first as to remain silent. She got halfway